


Soldier's Duty

by yellowhunk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Relationships, F/F, F/M, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-01-18 12:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 63,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowhunk/pseuds/yellowhunk
Summary: Alex looked up to her brother Armin and her best friends, Mikasa and Eren, all her life. After her childhood home was destroyed, Alex decided to step up and join the fight against the monsters outside the walls while growing up and finding love in a cruel, insane world. As time goes on, she learns that there is more to her cruel, beautiful world than she originally thought.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I've already posted this story on FF.net, and I'm adding it here, too. My goal with this story is to get back into the hobby of writing, and writing fanfiction is such a fun, easy way to do so. I haven't written fanfiction or anything else in a long time, so I'm really excited about starting this project. I LOVE feedback, so if you feel an urge to leave a comment, please do :) Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!

I ran as hard as I could around the corners of our hometown like my life depended on it. Rather, like my brother’s life depended it. I admired my brother, but I always thought he was crazy for stepping up to fights he couldn’t win. I didn’t have courage like that. Two streets before my destination, I ran head first into a person.

“Miss Alex Arlert. You wouldn’t happen to be going to my house, would you?”

  
I looked up to see Dr. Yeager’s smiling face looking back. “Yes sir. Are Eren and Mikasa home?”

  
“They were when I left.”

  
“Thank you, Dr. Yeager!” I exclaimed before noticing his suitcase. “Are you heading out of town?”

  
“Yes, I have patients to see in the inner walls. You’ll see me again in a few days, for now go catch my children before they leave again,” he said ruffling my hair.

  
“Yes sir. Have safe travels!” I yelled as I took off running again, suddenly remembering why I was in such a rush.

  
“Only if you keep my boy out of trouble!” he joked as I rounded the corner to the next street.

  
I was at the Yeager home in less than a minute, and arrived just as Eren and Mikasa were heading out the door. From what I could tell, Eren and his mother had been arguing again. But right then I needed Mikasa to come save my brother. So, I waved to Mrs. Yeager while I told them the situation Armin was in.

 

“That’s right! By hitting me, you’re proving me right, aren’t you!” I could hear Armin yelling from the end of the street.

  
“Stop it, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Eren almost did nothing without yelling, and this was no exception.

  
The bullies turned to see Eren running full out at them, with Mikasa one step behind him, and me several steps behind her. They all scattered at the sight of us, although I was sure it was only one of us that caused them to flee.

  
“Look at them, scurrying like rats at the mere sight of me!” said Eren jovially while I walked over to my brother, shaking my head.

  
“I think it was Mikasa they were afraid of,” corrected Armin while I tried to help him up.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
“I’m fine, I can stand up on my own,” he pulled himself up on the wall, refusing my out stretched hand.

  
“You look terrible, let’s go to the river and clean you up,” he nodded as we all turned to go that way.

  
After Armin cleaned his face and hands, he sat with us on the bank of the river and told us what happened. Armin had been talking about the outside world again to other people, and saying that humankind needed to venture outside the walls eventually.

  
“… and then they called me a heretic and started hitting me,” finished Armin.

  
“Dammit, how come you get beat up for saying you want to go outside?” Eren clenched his teeth.

  
“Well, that because we’ve lived here in peace for one hundred years. People think going out will invite them in. The royal government has declared it taboo to talk about anyway.”

  
“Then the king is a coward,” said Eren.

  
“That’s true. You’re right about wanting to go out, Armin, but must you mention it when it’ll get you in so much trouble?” I asked. “How does getting beaten up by those bullies change anything?”

  
Armin shrugged, “I guess it doesn’t matter. But talking about it is the only way to get other people thinking about it. But, is being a coward the only reason the royal government doesn’t want us to leave the walls?”

  
“Does it matter? It’s our lives, we can risk them if we want.”

  
Mikasa turned to glare at Eren, “No, absolutely not. Forget about it.”

  
Eren met her glare with ease, which I had to admire him for. Mikasa was scary. “Which reminds me, why did you tell our parents I wanted to join the Survey Corps?”

  
I sat up in shock, “You did what?” I couldn’t see Mikasa betraying Eren, ever. Even if it was about something like this.

  
“I never said I’d cooperate,” said Mikasa.

  
Armin turned to Eren, “Well? How did it go?”

  
“Not the best.”

  
“I can understand why,” I nodded.

  
“So, you’re going to tell me to give it up too?”

  
I shook my head, “Of course not. But the Survey Corps is dangerous, and you are their son. No parent wants their children to do that. But still, you’re right. We can’t stay ignorant within the walls forever, or it’ll come back to haunt us.”

  
Armin nodded, “The people who want to stay in the walls forever think it can protect us forever. But just because they’ve stood for a hundred years doesn’t mean they won’t fall today…”

  
Armin was cut off by a large boom that shook the ground. I could hear screams coming from the nearby streets, and everyone was on the ground.  
“What was that?” cried Mikasa.

  
“An earthquake?” I guessed.

  
“Let’s go see!” Armin took off running to the next street where we could see people looking and pointing up at the sky.

  
We ran after him. He reached the street first and I could see the horror and fear crack across his face when he saw what made the explosion. I’m sure I had the exact same expression when I saw it. A large, skinless face peered over Wall Maria. The face of a titan. The wall was fifty meters tall, so for this titan to have been able to peer its entire head over the wall, it had to be at least sixty meters tall. Even from this distance, I could see the steam coming from its body. Its eyes seem to be looking straight at us. They were huge, grey eyes. Despite all the terror that ran through me, I couldn’t help but think that it was strange how intelligent they looked. This titan wasn’t anything like the titans we read about in school. Then a second boom came as quick as the first. The titan kicked a hole in the wall.

  
The wind from the blast was enough to send people close to the wall flying. We were towards the middle of the city, but we could still see the debris and people that flew through the air. All those people probably died as soon as they landed. The debris from the wall landed on houses and people alike. If that wasn’t bad enough, when the smoke settled, we could clearly see the hole where the signa of Wall Maria had been. In it’s a place was a hole, with titans already coming through.

  
Chaos erupted. Everyone started running towards the inner wall. Everyone except Eren.

  
“Eren, what are you doing? We have to go this way!” I tried to grab him and stop him but I couldn’t.

  
“My house is near where the debris landed! My mother was still at home!”

  
Mikasa took off after him, while I called for them to wait. I turned to my brother to ask him what we should do, but stopped when I saw how bad he was shaking.

  
“The whole town, is finished!” he yelled. “Titans are going to invade in endless numbers and devour us all!” He looked like he was already ready to give up. Looking towards the wall, we could already see titans in the town, grabbing people and shoving them in their mouths.

  
I’ve never considered myself brave, but hearing my brother cry out like that caused me to move. I didn’t want anyone to die. I wanted to save everyone, but I knew there was no way I could. I was a scared little girl who had to ask help to stand up to the neighborhood bullies. But maybe, I thought, I had enough in me to save my brother.

  
I grabbed his hand and pulled him from where he stood frozen in the street. Our home was closer to the inner wall, and our grandfather was probably near there looking for us. If we could run fast enough to reach him and the inner gate before the titans did, we would be safe. I could only hope Eren and Mikasa had already found their mother and was heading to the inner wall too.

  
“Help! Help me please!” We hadn’t gotten very far before I heard loud cries coming from a nearby alley. I thought about ignoring them and running ahead with Armin when I heard the voice cry again, “Please anyone, help my baby!” I turned down the alley where the pleas where coming from, still holding my brother’s hand. A piece of debris had gone especially far and had pushed a woman against the wall of a shop. Only her head and arms were free. A man’s legs were sticking out of the other side of the boulder. Next to the boulder was a toddler, maybe between one or two years old, just old enough to walk.

  
“Please, take her!” the woman was crying and so was the toddler, though I don’t think she fully understood what was happening. She was just upset because of her mother’s yelling.

  
I let go of Armin’s hand to pick up the toddler and run away.

  
“Thank you! Thank you! Her name is Isabelle!” That was the last I could hear the mother saying before we were back on track towards the inner gate. As we ran, we passed Garrison soldiers headed to the outer gate, towards the titans.

  
“What are you doing?” I yelled. “There’s no point, you’re going to get eaten!”

  
Most of them ignored me and kept going, but one looked at me and stopped. “That’s our job.”

  
My eyes widened, and he continued. “Our primary objective is, and has always been, to keep humankind safe. We have to do that until the very end. Even if we just end up getting eaten, we have to do it anyway. If our deaths save even one person it’s worth it.”

  
“But…”

  
“We’ll die heroes, and we’ll die with the knowledge that we did at least one good thing. That’s why we joined. So, don’t mourn for us,” he didn’t wait for me to say anything else and took off after his comrades.

  
“Let’s go,” said Armin, and I nodded.

  
Armin was never a physical person. I wasn’t particularly strong either, but I always liked running and swimming more than he did, so even with a baby in my arms I still could ran faster and longer than him. I was worried he wouldn’t make it, but the adrenaline and fear from the situation pushed us both all the way to the inner gate. Our grandfather was there, looking through the crowds headed towards the gate for us.

  
“Thank Maria!” he pulled both of us into a tight hug, “I thought, I thought maybe you were both...”

  
“We won’t die that easy, Grandpa, I promise!”

  
In arms, Isabelle was still crying and upset from being surrounded by strangers and being shock so roughly from all the running.  
As we headed through the gates towards the evacuation boats, Grandpa asked me about the baby. Armin answered before I could.

  
“Her name’s Isabelle. Her parents were crushed by one of the pieces of the wall. Alex saved her life.”

  
“You two were that close?”

  
“We were by the river with Eren and Mikasa,” I explained, and then I looked around. “Have you seen them? They went to their house after the wall was broken to get their mother.”

  
Grandpa shook his head no. “Have faith in them, though. If I know Eren and Mikasa, then I know they’ll survive.”

  
I looked at Armin and he nodded. We had to have faith.

  
When we got on the boat, I sat on one side of Grandpa and Armin sat on the other. I looked at Isabelle sitting in my lap. She had lovely green eyes and pale, blonde hair. She had finally calmed down and was starting to fall asleep against my flat chest. Then a thought crossed me, I had saved this baby from being devoured, but I couldn’t do anything else for it. I was too young to keep and raise her. I was a child, too. What would happen to this toddler, who was now an orphan?

  
I voiced my worries to Grandpa, who wrapped an arm around me and kissed my forehead.

  
“Isabelle will be fine. You’re right, there isn’t much more you can do for her, but you’ve already done enough. When we reach the interior, we’ll give her to an orphanage or a foster home. There isn’t much else to be done.”

  
I nodded. I knew he was right, but I didn’t like giving her to an orphanage. That was such a sad way to grow up, especially since she probably would’ve had a happy childhood with her parents. If they had lived, she may have even gotten little siblings to love and play with. For the first time since the giant titan had kicked a hole in the wall, I cried. This little girl’s life was ruined. All our lives were ruined. How many people’s lives had ended today?

  
Finally, when the boat was almost full, we caught sight of Eren and Mikasa. They were the last ones to board. Armin cried out, “Eren, Mikasa, over here!”

  
I was happy to see them too, but my smile faded when I got a good look at their faces. They looked like they had seen hell itself. I also realized that their mother was nowhere to be seen.

  
“Let them be,” said Grandpa. “Poor kids…”

  
Carla Yeager had not made it of Shiganshina. From where I was I could barely hear the yells from the garrison soldiers to close the gate. “Close the gate?” a woman sitting nor far from exclaimed, “Is everyone already out?”

  
An older man sitting near the rails answered her, “Probably not. But they have shut the gate before the titans get through, or all of Maria will have to evacuate.”

  
That’s right, I thought, the city of Shiganshina exists to attract titans from other parts of the wall, so if they do break through, not all would be lost. It was almost comforting to know that at least the people of Shiganshina had done their duty as an outlying city, and that the rest of humanity is safe.

  
Just as I thought that, I heard another large boom. I stood up to get a better view of what happened.

  
Standing in the middle of the rows of buildings outside of the gates stood a large, fifteen-meter class titan. It was muscular, and was standing in a runner’s pose. Its skin looked hard, even from here. And then I saw the hole in the gate, similar to the one of the outer wall. This titan’s body was hard enough that it ran straight through Wall Maria and put a giant hole in it. Terror filled me again when I looked at the beast. It looked up from where it was kneeling and I could see its eyes. They were a solid, glowing gold.

  
On the other side of Grandpa and Armin, Eren was also standing. Tears and snot were streaming out of his eyes and nose. “I WILL KILL THEM ALL. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. I WON’T LEAVE A SINGLE TITAN LEFT!”

  
His declaration scared me. Not just me either, many people turned and stared at him. What scared me the most was that I knew he was serious. Eren would kill every last titan in this world, or die trying.


	2. Chapter 2

What happened after that was a blur. Isabelle went to an orphanage in the Trost district. We lived as refugees inside of Wall Rose, working fields to try and cultivate land to grow more food. With the loss of all the lands in Wall Maria, the amount of food left for the remnants of humanity wasn’t enough. Terribly disguised as an attempt to retake Wall Maria, 250,000 refugees were sent out of Wall Rose to fight the titans. Our grandpa was one of the ones sent, but he wasn’t one of the 200 that returned.

  
I knew that the chances of him returning were slim, but that didn’t make it hurt any less when we received the news. Armin held Grandpa’s old straw hat while I held him, and we cried. Grandpa was the one who raised us, taught us, and consoled us after our parents’ deaths. I wasn’t just losing my loving grandfather, I was losing the last piece of direction and the last piece of my childhood. All I had left now was my twin, and our two friends and stood by while we cried.

  
Finally, Eren broke the silence, “It’s all the titans’ faults. If we could just subdue them, we could retake our place in the world again.”

  
He sat down next to us on the wall we were leaning against. “Armin, I plan to apply for the Cadet Corp’s next year. I’m going to gain the strength to fight the titans”

  
“Me too.”

  
The three turned and looked at me, shocked. For the past year, I had been quiet and docile about everything. For the past year I kept my thoughts to myself and did what I could to make sure the four of us were going to be all right. I didn’t express my lament or anger over losing our home like Eren, but I still had it. It had been boiling inside and stewing for a while.

  
I kept my arms around Armin’s shoulders and met Eren’s eyes, and then Mikasa’s. “Did I ever tell you about the soldier I talked to when we escaped from Shiganshina? He only said two sentences to me, maybe three. But I’ll never forget it. While we were running away, Garrison soldiers were running to the titans. I yelled at them that it was pointless, that they were just going to get eaten just like everyone else. They all ran past me, because they knew that and they didn’t care. One stopped to explain it to me though. He said that their mission was to keep the citizens of the walls safe, and that’s what they were going to do until the end. Even if they just die in a titan’s mouth, if it saved someone else, let at least one person get away, it was worth it. They willingly walked into hell on the chance that they could help at least a few get out. It reminds me of you, in a way, Eren, that sort of determination and bravery.”

  
I stopped talking for a second and looked back into Eren’s and Mikasa’s eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from brother long enough to look in his eyes yet. Eren looked stunned, I don’t think he expected me to say something like that. Mikasa’s eyes looked sad, although her face was as expressionless as ever. I’m sure she was imagining me dying in a similar fashion.

  
“I know you think living is what’s most important Mikasa, but I agree with Eren. I don’t want to live and die in a cage like cattle. I don’t want to not be prepared when this happens again because I know it will. I want my life to have purpose. I want to be brave like those soldiers because if someone doesn’t take their place, then their sacrifices would’ve been for nothing.”

  
After my speech, we were all silent, before Armin pulled out of my arms so he could look me in the face. “I’m joining too.”

  
“Armin… are you sure?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Me too,” Mikasa spoke for the first time since we learned of my grandpa’s death.

  
Eren stood and looked at her, surprised, “But, didn’t you say that living is what was most important?”

  
“Yes, that’s why I’m joining, to make sure you don’t die.”

  
I couldn’t help but laugh. It felt good. I hadn’t laughed in over a year. My friends looked at me like I was crazy but I didn’t care. “The four of us, then?”

  
“The four of us,” Eren repeated while Mikasa and Armin nodded.

  
Later that night before we went to bed, I pulled Mikasa aside.

  
“Mikasa, are you sure about this?”

  
“Are you?”

  
I looked at my feet. “I’m sure of what I want to do, I just don’t know if I have to ability to do it.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
I looked back up at her eyes again. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Mikasa, but you’re special. You’re strong, and you can fight easily without ever having to try. I’m not like that. I’m smart, but not as smart as Armin. I’m determined, but not as determined as Eren. I’m nowhere near as strong as you, but could you help me get better?”

  
“Get better? Isn’t that what the training in the Cadet Corps is for?” she said confused.

  
“Yes, but I’m so weak, I’ll be in the back of the pack when we get there. I don’t want that. I want to start now.”

  
She nodded, “I… I wake up before everyone else in the mornings, and I train to get stronger. I like being the strongest out of the four of us. All I want is for the four of us to be safe together. I’ve always felt like if I was the strongest I could do that better, so I know how you feel. I’ll start waking you up with me.”

  
I threw her arms around her neck, “Mikasa… you’re the best friend anyone could have, ever.”

  
I felt her laugh a little into my hair. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the first time she had laughed in a year, too. I couldn’t remember her laughing during that time.

  
“I know I am,” she said and she squeezed me back.

 

  
After another year of hard labor in the fields and training with Mikasa in the mornings, it was time to go to apply to the Cadet’s. A week before we went to the training camp, I made a trip to Trost. When I told Armin, Eren, and Mikasa what for, they insisted they go with me.

  
Walking through the town, I wasn’t sure I’d find the place, but I did. I knocked on the door to the orphanage and a middle aged lady with a sweet face answered.

  
“Hello young ladies and gentlemen! How can I help you?”

  
I looked to Armin, who nodded, and I reached out to take the lady’s hand.

  
“I’m Alex Arlert. This is my brother, Armin, and our friends, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager. Two years ago, we came to Wall Rose as refugees from Shiganshina.”

  
The lady’s smile faded, “Oh.”

  
“When we got here I brought a little girl that I had saved to this orphanage. We’re joining the Cadet Corp’s in a week, and I just wanted to know how she’s doing.”

  
“Come on in, please,” she said. “I’m Harriet McKinney. You can call Mrs. Harry, that’s what all the children call me. Do you want tea? Cookies?”

  
“No,” I said while Eren said “Yes.”

  
Mrs. Harry laughed, please sit in here while I get some for you.

  
When she came back, she had a tray full of tea cups and cookies. We all sat up in our seats. It had been a long time since any of us had drank anything warm or ate anything sweet.

  
“Help yourself,” she said, and we dug in while two other ladies entered the room, one tall and thin while the other was short and chubby.

  
“Harriet? Who are these teenagers?”

  
“These young men and women are refugees from Shinganshina. They say they’re joining the military next week and want to check on a child that they left here two years ago.”

  
We all shook hands with the two women. The tall, thin one was named Gretchen Hindleston and the short one was Jocelyn Jones.

  
“Can you tell me about the little girl you saved?” asked Mrs. Harry.

  
“She had green yes and blonde hair, and was maybe a year and half then, so three and a half now. Her name is Isabelle. Her parents were crushed by fallen debris, and her first name was all I caught. I felt bad when I didn’t have a last name or birthday to tell you all when we left her…”

  
“Don’t,” interrupted Mrs. Jones. “A first name is more than most children have when they’re left here. Many of our children are victims of the tragedy that happened two years ago. I’ll take you to the nursery to see her.”

  
We all stood to follow her as Mrs. Hindleston said “I know what girl you’re talking about it. I’m so glad you saved her, she’s an angel.”

  
I nodded and smiled at her. We went up a flight of stairs and passed rooms full of children divided up by age and sex. There were many of them.

  
“Do the three of you take care of all these kids by yourselves?” asked Armin.

  
“No. Many women work here at the different times of the day. Only Harriet stays her full time. She’s the owner and director of the orphanage.”

  
We reached a door marked “1-4: Girls” and Mrs. Hindelston announced, “She’s right in here.”

  
When she opened the door we were met with a room full of young girls. It was still early morning, so most of them were still asleep, but some were up and were playing in the floor.

  
“Isabelle,” Mrs. Hindleston called, “You have a visitor.”

  
One of the girls playing on the floor looked up and walked over. She looked surprised to have a visitor, and so did the other girls that we awake. I knew that this was probably the first time it had happened to any of them. Her pale hair had gotten longer and was currently messy and tangled from a good night’s sleep. I could still the sleep around her eyes, and she was wearing long, plain white night dress.

  
“Sorry she’s not presentable, we haven’t had chance to make our rounds and start their morning routines yet.”

  
I shook my head, “That’s fine.”

  
“She’s cute,” added Mikasa.

  
“Hello, I’m Isabelle. Who are you?” said Isabelle shyly. She sounded like she could talk well for still being so young, and I was glad. I had always heard that growing up in crowded orphanages caused some children not to develop well mentally.

  
“I’m Alex,” I said and shook her hand. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa also all stepped forward to introduce themselves and shake her hand.

  
“We meet a while ago, although you probably don’t remember. I’m the one who brought you here.”

  
“Did you know my parents?” she asked quickly, eyes shining with hope. It hurt to crush it.

  
“No, not really. I didn’t even know their names.”

  
Isabelle clearly looked disappointed but didn’t do anything but nod.

  
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay. Are you happy here?”

  
Isabelle looked at Mrs. Hindelston who nodded for her to go ahead speak. “I have a lot of friends, and my moms are nice to me, so I’m happy.”

  
I smiled and looked at my brother and friends to see they were smiling too. “That’s good. I’m… We’re glad.”

  
I realized I didn’t have anything more that I could say to her. She wasn’t even four yet. She couldn’t understand anything that I had to tell her.  
I looked at Mrs. Hindelston and she started to usher Isabelle back in the room.

  
“Go brush your hair and get the other girls up. Breakfast will be soon.”

  
“Yes ma’am.”

  
We all walked back down the steps silently and left after saying goodbye to the women. Just before going out the door, Mrs. Harry said, “Be careful in the military. Most of the women working here, including myself, work for free to help these children because we lost our own. Most of them died in service. Mine died in the Survey Corps, on an expedition three years ago. He was only sixteen. Please, be careful, and feel free to come back to visit anytime you can.”

  
I didn’t what to say to that. None of us did, so we smiled and nodded at her before closing the door behind us.

  
“Wow,” said Armin.

  
“Yeah,” I said, “I didn’t think Eren’s manners were really worse than a three year old’s, but you never know.”

  
Mikasa and Armin laughed while Eren shoved me with a scowl.

  
“You just proved my point!” I exclaimed, joining in on the laughter.

  
We continued walking down the street, and after we were silent again, Mikasa said, “Seeing those children… makes me want to do the best I can.”

  
Eren made a noise of agreement, “Most of those children are orphans because of the titans. We’re orphans because of the titans. We need to do the best we can so we can fight for them.”

  
With that, we were officially ready to join the Cadet Corp’s.


	3. Chapter 3

“The 104th Cadet Corps Class Entrance Ceremony will now begin! You have the misfortune of having me, Keith Shadis, as your commander! I do not welcome you warmly! Right now you are nothing more than food for the titans! You’re mere livestock! You’re less than livestock! Over the next three years, we’re going to train you worthless nothings and teach you how to kill titans! Three years from now, when you come face-to-face with the titans, will you still be fodder for them? Will you serve as an honorable barrier that protects the king? Or will you be a glorious soldier for humanity that drives the titans out? It’s up to you to decide!”

  
The entrance ceremony to the Cadet Corps started with this speech. It was a good one, no doubt written and rehearsed beforehand to optimally encourage and/or scare the recruits as needed. I couldn’t lie as say it wasn’t effective though. The mention of being food for the titans was enough to make anyone scared these days.

  
There were about one hundred and fifty of us lined up in rows in the main courtyard of the training camp. It was just after lunch, so everyone had full stomachs and it was the heat of the day, meaning they picked this time to make us uncomfortable as possible. After his speech, Commander Shadis started to go up and down the rows asking people who they were. He started with Armin.

  
“Who the hell are you?”

  
“Armin Arlert, from Shiganshina District!” I was a to the right of Armin could see him shaking. I didn’t blame him. This man was scary from his eyes to his boots.

  
“I see, that’s a ridiculous name. Did your parent’s give it to you?”

  
“My grandfather did, sir!”

  
“Arlert, why are you here?”

  
“To help humanity achieve victory, sir!”

  
“Wonderful to hear! We can feed you to the titans. Third row, about face!” He turned my brother around so he was facing the opposite direction. Apparently I was making too obvious that I was watching the scene, because Shadis turned to me next.

  
“Who the hell are you?”

  
“Alexandria Arlert from Shiganshina District, sir!” I tried not to shake as much as my brother, but I couldn’t pretend to say I wasn’t intimidated.  
The commander looked from me to my brother and said, “Siblings? Did the same grandfather give you that ridiculous name?”

  
“Twins, sir! Yes, sir!”

  
“Why are you here, Arlert?”

  
“To kill titans and protect humankind!”

  
“Splendid! You can die with your brother!”

  
I turned on my own before he could grab my head and do it. For a second I thought that was a mistake, and I’d have to do my mini-interrogation over again, or worse. But he moved on to the row behind us to a guy named Thomas Wagner. From there the intimidation game kept getting more ridiculous. When he got to a girl named Mina with pigtails, and she told him where she was from, he responded with, “No, you are from a barn! You are less than pigsty!”

  
“Yes, sir!”

  
A boy named Jean Kirstein made the mistake of giving an honest answer to the Commander’s question instead of an honorable one.

  
“To join the military police and live in the interior!”

  
“Oh, you want to join to live in the interior, do you?”

  
“Yes!” the Commander immediately smashed his head against Jean’s and Jean fell to his knees.

  
“Who said you could sit? If this is too hard for you, you’ll never make it into the military police!”

  
I think if I wasn’t also scared of getting on the wrong side of the commander, I would’ve laughed. One girl, however had no such fear. As the Commander was punishing a boy who saluted on the wrong side, a girl on the row behind him took a huge bite of a baked potato.

  
To say everyone was shocked was cutting it short. I was glad I was far away from the Commander at this point so he couldn’t see my awestruck expression.

  
“Hey, you! What are you doing?”

  
The girl looked from side to side as if the Commander could possibly be talking to someone else, and then took another bite of her potato.

  
“I’m talking to you! Who the hell are you?”

  
“I’m Sasha Blouse from the Dauper Village on the south side of Wall Rose!”

  
“What is that you’re holding in your right hand?”

  
“A steamed potato, sir!”

  
“Why do you have a potato, Blaus?”

  
“I saw it ready in the cookhouse and couldn’t help myself, sir.”

  
“You stole it? Why? Why did you decide to eat it now?”

  
“I decided it would be a waste to let it get cold, so I decided to eat it now.”

  
“I don’t understand. Why did you eat the potato?”

  
“Are you asking me why people eat potatoes, sir?”

  
The whole courtyard was silent. No one could believe the balls this girl had. Either that, or the lack of brains. Either way, I already thought this girl was amazing.

  
The girl must’ve realized how much trouble she was, because she took the potato and broke it in “half”. She took the smaller portion and held it out to the commander. “Here you can have half.”

  
“’Half’?” the commander repeated.

  
Poor Sasha Blouse ran for hours after that, and got dubbed a nickname she would hate for years to come: Potato Girl.

  
At almost dinner time, I dragged Mikasa out of the girls’ barracks to the mess hall. This would be our first meal with our new comrades, and I was more excited about it than Mikasa.

  
“I don’t see the big deal. We didn’t join to make friends,” she complained.

  
“I know, but these people are going to be our comrades that we fight with one day. We need to be as close with them as we are with Eren and Armin. So it looks good to get to dinner early on the first day and make friends.”

  
She made a “hmph” noise and crossed her arms, and I realized my mistake.

  
“Okay, maybe not as close as with Eren and Armin, but they’re going to be our comrades and we’re going to get to know them anyway by the end of these three years. Why not put the best foot forward and start now?”

  
She considered that for a second before nodding.

  
“Okay, let’s start with smiling,” I said.

  
“What?” Mikasa turned to look at me with wide eyes.

  
“To get people to like and trust you, you have to smile. You’ve never smiled much, ever.”

  
“So why should I start now?”

  
“To get people to like and trust you, I just said that. Now let’s see it.”

  
Mikasa had grown a lot in just the past two years, she looked less like a little girl and more of a young woman. I had recently found that it wasn’t fair that she was both gifted with physical strength and beauty. I looked just like my twin brother with longer hair and slightly more feminine features. But as pretty as she was, forced smiles didn’t look good on her. She looked constipated.

  
“Okay… Try less? Like more natural?”

  
When her second attempt at smiling went as poor as the first, I told her it was probably best to just act normal.

  
When we reached the porch of the mess hall, Eren and Armin were already there, along with the pigtail girl, Mina, Marco, who wanted to join the Military Police, and Connie, who had saluted wrong and got lifted off the ground by his head. They were talking about Potato Girl, who we could still see running in the distance.

  
“Man, it’s been five hours, she sure is made of something. I think being told that she had to run until near death didn’t bother her as much as being told she had to skip meals,” commented Eren.

  
“She’s a legend. She was one of the only ones didn’t piss their pants when Shadis spoke to them. She’s either legendarily brave or legendarily stupid,” I said to the group.

  
Marco frowned at me, “Did you see her look around when the Commander first spoke to her? Like someone else was casually eating a potato in the middle of the ceremony?”

  
“Yes! That was the best part!”

  
“She’s definitely legendarily stupid,” said Connie.

  
“Ah,” I smiled, “But you do agree that she is legendary?”

  
Connie blushed and stuttered, but before he could get out a good answer, Eren asked, “What’s that?”

  
We all looked up to see a wagon pulling out of the camp with people sitting huddled in the back.

  
“They’re dropouts. They asked to leave and do work in the fields instead,” explained Mina.

  
“What?” Armin exclaimed, “It’s only the first day!”

  
“All he’s done is yell at us,” I agreed.

  
“All he did to you is yell,” corrected Connie. “He picked me up by the head.”

  
“That’s just how it is here,” cut in Eren. “If you can’t make it then you’ve got to go.”

  
Connie, Marco, and Mina looked at him in surprise. Armin, Mikasa, and I were used to him being too serious for his own good.

  
“Come to think of it, I haven’t heard anything about where you’re from,” said Marco.

  
Eren smiled and put his hand on Armin’s shoulder while also gesturing to Mikasa and I, “I’m from Shiganshina, all four of us are.”

  
Marco gave us a sad look, “Oh. That means…” he trailed off.

  
Connie finished for him, “You all were there that day, weren’t you?”

  
“Yes, we were,” I replied, not particularly liking where the conversation was going.

  
“You saw the Colossal Titan?” exclaimed Connie, while Marco looked at him with wide eyes.

  
“Y-yes,” stuttered Eren while I nodded. Neither of us expected the response we got from that.

  
Dinner turned into an interrogation. Armin and Mikasa split themselves from us after Connie started telling everyone that Eren and I had seen the Colossal Titan. I ended up sitting next to Eren, who drank up the attention a lot better than I did. This was not how I imagined making friends on the first night would go.

  
“Yes, I saw it,” said Eren, this time much more confident. I loved him to death, but he really was a little shit.

  
“What did the Colossal Titan look like?”

  
At least fifteen people were crowded around our little table. I tried my best to ignore them and eat my soup and bread in peace.

  
“It was big and had no almost no skin,” said Eren before taking a sip of his soup, trying to look cool.

  
“I heard it was big enough to step over the wall!”

  
“Yeah that’s what they said in my village too!”

  
“No,” said Eren, “it wasn’t that big.”

  
I turned and looked at him, “Could you imagine if it was though?” Everyone who was paying attention to Eren turned and looked at me as soon as I spoke. I gulped, so much for eating my meal in peace. But I was the idiot who opened my mouth, so I went ahead kept talking. “If it was big enough that it could’ve stepped over the wall, we’d all be dead right now probably. It wouldn’t have even needed the Armored Titan. As it was, only the chin up could look over the wall, and it did plenty of destruction as just that size.”

  
Everyone was silent for a moment, taking that in before someone asked the next obvious question.

  
“What did the Armored Titan look like?”

  
“People say it was an ‘armored titan’ but it looked like a normal titan to me,” said Eren.

  
“Stop being a little shit,” I winced as I said it aloud. I had meant to think that.

  
Eren looked at me, and said “What?”

  
“It was not a normal titan and you know it. Stop trying to act cool.”

  
“What does a normal titan look like? What was the difference?”

  
All the attention was on me now, Eren even stared at me expectedly.

  
“Well, the Armored Titan wasn’t as tall as the Colossal Titan, but it still looked bigger than the normal ones. And its body was covered in armor strong enough to bust through Wall Maria. It had gold eyes and breathed fire.”

  
“Gold eyes?”

  
“Breathed fire?”

  
“Yeah, instead of normal eyes and pupils like the normal titans, its eyes were a solid color. I don’t know why it breathed fire. I also didn’t see the normal titans up close like Eren did, but it’s true what they say in books; titans lumber about awkwardly looking for humans to gobble up. The Armored Titan ran straight through the wall, gracefully, in a runner’s position. He didn’t care about eating the humans around him. And he broke the wall just as the soldiers were closing the gate…”

  
“You’re saying the Armored Titan was intelligent, and was acting according to a plan,” said Marco. “You said earlier that if the Colossal Titan was tall enough to step over the wall, he wouldn’t need the Armored Titan. You think that the titans are capable of working together and forming plans? And following them through?”

  
“Not all titans,” I said quickly, “I said the normal ones were different. But from what little but I saw, I think those two were intelligent.”

  
I had been looking at my bowl of soup the whole time I spoke, and when I finally looked up I saw the whole hall staring. My face and ears turned red, and I looked at Eren, who was looking at me with a serious expression.

  
“You’ve never said anything like that before,” he said.

  
“It’s not something I ever wanted to acknowledge.”

  
Eren broke eye contact with me to turn and look at his bowl.

  
I stood up and announced, “I’m done eating. I hope everyone gets a good night’s sleep before the first real day of training.” I picked up my dishes to put away and left the table, then stopped and turned back around. I had the attention of the entire room still, and although I didn’t like that, I picked up my courage again.

  
“Does anyone have any leftover bread they won’t finish? I want to bring one or two to Potato Girl.”

  
If my declarations about the Armored and Colossal Titans shocked the room, that shocked them more. The boy named Jean who got head butted stood up and said, “Why??” while Mina and a few others murmured, “Oh my god, I forgot about her. She’s still running.”

  
A large boy that had been at the table in front of me and Eren raised his loaf of bread in the air without looking up. I walked over and took it out of his hand.

  
“Thanks. She needs calories if she wants to survive tomorrow, too.”

  
He looked up to meet my gaze. He was probably the most muscular boy in the whole class, and had eyes that matched the shade of yellow his hair was.

  
“No problem, I wasn’t going to finish it anyway. I’m Reiner Braun,” he stuck out his hand for me to shake. At the point, thankfully, the mess hall was no longer watching me because I was sure I was blushing. Why are you blushing, I thought to myself angrily.

  
I smiled and took his hand like I wasn’t five different shades of pink and said, “I’m Alex Arlelt.”

  
“Hm. Tell me, Alex, where did you get all that about the titans being intelligent? Isn’t it common knowledge that the titans are mindless?”

  
I cocked my head to the side, “Do you believe everything you’re told in school Reiner?”

  
“Uh…”

  
“It’s also common knowledge that the government doesn’t know enough about the titans to beat them. So they could be wrong. Or I could be wrong. I’m basing my theory from what I saw as a scared ten year old girl. I’m no expert on titans either.”

  
“Right,” he said. “I’m sorry you had to see something like that so young, though.”

  
I furrowed my eyebrows at him, “Sorry? It’s not your fault.” Before he could answer, the bell rang, signaling the end of dinner time.

  
“I gotta go find Potato Girl and give her this bread. I’ll see you around.”

  
I turned quickly, growing irritated of the heat that was growing on my cheeks. In the middle of the room, I saw Eren and Jean standing facing each other like they were about to fight. Then Jean held out his hand and said, “Let’s be friends,” to which Eren smacked his hand away and walked right out of the door. I rolled my eyes and felt Mikasa join me as I walked out. As we were walked out, Jean stopped us, or rather, he stopped Mikasa.

  
“Hey, you!”

  
“Yes?” said Mikasa.

  
“I’ve just never seen anyone like you before. You have pretty black hair.”

  
I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. That was almost as dumb as Eren saying the Armored Titan looked like a normal titan.

  
After I left the mess hall, I hugged my shawl closer to my shoulders and started looking for Potato Girl. If there was one person I wanted to make friends with these three years, it was her. A voice at back of head whispered, and Reiner Braun, but I pushed it away.

  
While looking for Potato Girl, I heard a soft voice calling for me, “Hey, you’re Alex right?”

  
I turned and looked down to a pretty, tiny girl. She looked almost like me, but prettier and shorter. “Yes, who are you?”

  
“I’m Krista Lentz, and I heard you saying you were going to save bread for Sasha. I was also going to bring her bread and water, but since you brought bread I just brought water.”

  
“That’s great! Do you want to be her friend too?”

  
“What?” she looked up at me, confused.

  
“I’m bringing her bread because I thought what she did was amazing. I want to be her friend.”

  
“Oh. I’m just bringing her bread because I thought it was a nice thing to do.”

  
I shrugged, “That’s a good reason, too. Come on. Let’s find her.”

  
When we did find her, she was passed out between two buildings. As we approached, she suddenly jumped up and threw herself at me. I fell backwards and Krista jumped away. I looked down at my hands and saw that I was no longer holding the bread. It was now in her mouth.

  
Whoa, I thought. How much more amazing can this girl get?

  
“This is… bread?” she exclaimed.

  
“Yes,” said Krista. “Alex brought you bread from dinner. I brought you some water, too, you should probably drink this first.” She held out the bag of water while I stood up and smiled at Sasha.

  
Sasha looked at us in amazement. “Are you two gods?”

  
“What?” I said, laughing.

  
“Are you gods? Or angels?” she grabbed both of our shoulders, and for a second I thought she’d hug us but a taller brunette with freckles emerged from the shadows behind her first.

  
“What are you three doing?”

  
Sasha started gobbling up the piece of bread as soon as the freckled girl spoke. I grabbed the water from Krista and held it out to Sasha while Krista answered, “Well, she’s been running nonstop for hours. So, we brought her some bread and water.”

  
“I see,” said the freckled girl. “Trying to do something ‘nice’, huh?”

  
“Yeah,” I said. “What’s wrong with that?”

  
The freckled girl ignored me and kept her eyes locked on Krista. After Sasha finished eating, she collapsed onto Krista’s lap.

  
“Are you doing it for Potato Girl’s sake? Was what you gained worth the effort you took?”

  
The tension between freckled girl and Krista was getting a little uncomfortable. Krista stared at the girl like she’d never thought of such things before.

  
“I don’t think you understand the meaning of ‘being nice’,” I frowned.

  
“Well, whatever. Let’s get her to bed,” the girl picked Sasha up from Krista’s lap.

  
“Are you trying to be nice too?” asked Krista.

  
The freckled girl smiled, “I’m doing this so she’ll owe me later.”

  
I frowned, and thought, what a terrible reason. But then realized my reasonings weren’t much better, and followed the two of them back to the girls’ barracks.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day was the start of our training as soldiers. They started us off on an aptitude test. They put us in 3D maneuvering gear and had us hang from poles to test how well we could balance. We were told if we couldn’t do this then we couldn’t continue our training, and had to go work in the fields.

  
It seemed that everyone I meet yesterday did fine. I stood a little shakily in the air at first but after a few seconds I could stand perfectly still and upright. Eren was one of the only ones who couldn’t do it. He ended upside down every time he tried.

  
Commander Shadis knelt down to yell in his face, “Eren Yeager, what are you doing? Stand up straight!”

  
Everyone watching was giggling at the scene and the look of horror on Eren’s face was too much. His cocky attitude the night before only made it that much worse. That evening before dinner Mikasa, Armin and I tried to help him with the gear. Armin and I hooked Eren up to the wires and stepped back while Mikasa went through the basic explanations of how to balance again. I leaned into Armin’s ear and whispered, “I don’t get it. Based off of the skill sets required for this, Eren should be more than capable.”

  
Armin shrugged, “It’s probably something little he’s doing wrong. He just needs practice, he’ll get it eventually.” After Mikasa finished, Armin spoke up and said, “You can do it if you stay calm. Even I did it after all.”

  
Eren nodded, “I think I’m ready. Lift me up, Armin.”

  
Armin cranked the lever that lifted the user up into the air. After only getting about a foot off the ground, Eren lost his balance and fell forward. He hit his head hard on the ground.

  
“Eren!” I yelled, and we all immediately started to undo the harness. The fall was so bad it knocked Eren out and he was would need a bandage later.

  
The four of us sat alone at dinner that night. At the table behind me and Armin, I could hear some boys mocking Eren.

  
“Hey, isn’t that the guy who said he was going to wipe out all the titans yesterday?”

  
“Yeah, he’ll be off to the fields tomorrow for sure.”

  
I tried to reassure him, saying, “You’ll just learn how to do it tomorrow, Eren.”

  
Eren still had the same horrified look on his face. “I’ll never be able to wipe them all out this way.”

  
I looked at him with pity, and thought, this is karma for running your mouth yesterday.

  
“You should forget about that,” said Mikasa, staring at the table.

  
“What?” said Eren. I was thinking the same thing, there was no way Eren was going to give up that easy.

  
“I’m saying you should stop trying to be a soldier. Fighting isn’t about just throwing your life away.”

  
This obviously upset Eren, and me too. If Eren did have to give up and leave, I wasn’t sure if I would go with him or not. I didn’t want the four of us to be separated, but I wanted to do this too.

  
“How can you say that? I saw what happened two years ago! I’m not going to give up that easy!”

  
“It doesn’t matter how determined you are.”

  
“Huh? Why not?”

  
“You don’t get to decide if you’re fit to be a soldier or not.”

  
Those words shook me, because they were true. Eren would’ve given anything to have the talent Mikasa was born with, so would I. But Mikasa didn’t particularly care. If it weren’t for us, I’m sure she would’ve never have thought about joining the military.

  
Just then the bell rang, and everyone around started to get up. Mikasa kept talking though, “I’m not saying you should go to back to the fields by yourself…”

  
While she was speaking, Eren stood up and said, “Let’s go.”

  
Armin stood up with him but I shook my head and mouthed, I’ll wait on her.

  
Mikasa continued without noticing the boys leaving, “You don’t need to worry. Because when you go, I’ll go with you.”

  
At the end of her speech, she turned to look at Eren, but found Sasha staring back at her instead, who looked as surprised at Mikasa’s statement as Mikasa was at her presence. I put a hand over my mouth to keep myself from laughing out loud. At this point we were the only three still sitting.

  
“So,” said Sasha, pointing at Mikasa’s untouched piece of bread, “what you’re saying is, that I can have that?”

  
Mikasa stared at her for a second longer, then picked up the bread as if she was going to give it to Sasha, but instead took a huge bit out of it before standing up with her dishes and walking away.

  
I laughed so hard I almost fell off the bench, “Come on, Sasha, let’s go to bed.”

  
“Hey, you’re one of those angels that gave me food and water last night!”

  
“That’s right.”

  
“I like you!”

Sasha and I walked back to the barrack’s together, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in on the talk and fun the girls had before going to bed tonight. Instead and went and sat on the front porch and tried to collect my thoughts on what Mikasa had said. If Mikasa and Eren left to return to the fields, would Armin want to go with them? Would I be left here alone? Could I stand to be parted from my twin and my two best friends like that? And if I did go with them, could I stand Eren? If he had to go back to the fields, he wouldn’t be happy. He’d be caught between being angry and wallowing in self-pity. But if the three of them did leave and I didn’t, would they be mad at me? The four of us agreed to do this together, so if one of us couldn’t do it, were the rest of us obligated to leave?

  
“Psst, Alex!” I looked up to see my brother calling to me from across the courtyard. He, Eren, and Reiner, and a freakishly tall brunette boy were standing in front of the boys’ barracks carrying lanterns and wearing their cloaks.

  
“What are you all doing?” I asked.

  
“We’re going for a walk,” said Eren. “Come with us?”

  
I nodded and walked towards them.

  
The tall boy nodded at me, “You’re Armin’s twin, right? The one who was talking about the Armored and Colossal Titans yesterday?”

  
“Yeah… Please don’t remember me by that, though. I got carried away. The crowd made me angry. My name in Alex.” I reached out to shake his hand.

  
He took it and nodded, “I’m Bertholdt Hoover.”

  
As we left the training grounds, Armin told me what they were talking about before they left their barracks. “Bertholdt was telling us that they were from a small mountain village on the southeast side of Wall Maria. The titans reached their village before the news did.”

  
“Oh my god,” I said. “So you’ve seen the titans up close?”

  
“Yes,” said Reiner.

  
“Bertholdt was talking about how the other recruits don’t know anything about the titans or what they’re signing up for,” said Eren.

  
“That’s right. They’re mostly here for show. It’s considered cowardly to choose production work when you turn twelve. Society has pushed them into being Cadets. That being said, I’m not different. I joined hoping to join the military police and live in the interior. If that doesn’t work, I may stop entirely. I have no will of my own, you see,” Bertholdt’s last sentence struck me as terribly sad.

  
“There’s nothing wrong with cherishing your own life,” said Armin. I made a noise of agreement.

  
“As for me,” started Reiner, “I’m going to return to the hometown we lost. That’s all I care about right now. I will do it, no matter what.”

  
I could sympathize. Returning to Shiganshina is something I wanted to eventually do, too.

  
“What about you,” asked Bertholdt, looking at Eren. “Why did you choose to become a soldier?”

  
“I decided I have to kill every last one of them. I’m going to kill them all with my own two hands. But now, it’s a question of whether I’m cut out to be a soldier or not.”

  
We reached the end of the path just as the moon come out from the clouds. The path ended on a cloud overlooking the forest and a beautiful lake. The moonlight sparkled on top of the water, and my breath hitched at the beauty of it.

  
“Starting over from scratch with your belt adjustment, you’ll do just fine tomorrow. I’m certain of it,” said Reiner. “Eren Jeager, was it?”

  
“Yeah. Thanks. Reiner Braun, right?”

  
Reiner smiled and nodded. We all stood there overlooking the lake for a while before turning back to the training camp.

  
While we walked, Reiner turned to me and said, “Did you choose to become a soldier because of the retrieval mission a year ago, like your brother?”

  
“Yes, and no,” I answered. “That motivated me further, but I had been wanting to join the military to fight titans before that.”

  
“Why?” asked Bertholdt. “Aren’t you scared of them?”

  
“Oh, of course,” I said. “But back at Shiganshina, while Armin and I were running away from the titans, we passed a bunch of soldiers that ran towards the titans. Doesn’t sound that weird, right? That was their job, to protect us from the titans. But at the time, I was so terrified, that I was amazed that anyone could have the courage to run at those things and face them head on. I even yelled at them not to go, but they went anyway. One stopped and told me, that if his death would save others, then he would do it because he would know he didn’t die in vain. Those brave soldiers, who probably joined the Cadets because of pressures from society like Bertholdt said, had enough courage and love to lay down their lives on the off chance it could help people escape. I was amazed.”

  
Reiner and Bertholdt stared at me, before Reiner said, “Are you saying… you joined the Cadets so you could die an honorable death like them?”

  
I laughed, “No, god no. I don’t particularly want to die. But those soldiers gave their lives for me and my people. I feel obligated, no… I want to honor their sacrifice by being as brave as them and doing what I can to help avoid another tragedy like that. I’d like to live through it, though.”

  
“That’s… extremely noble of you,” said Bertholdt.

  
“Not really. I’m just taking the place of the people that died for me.”

  
Reiner turned around to look at me and I caught his eyes. I just met Reiner the day before, so I couldn’t read him as well as Armin, Eren, or Mikasa, but I had a feeling with he could relate to what I said just as I related to what he said about returning home.

  
The next day, we were all standing in front of one of the devices meant to test aptitude on 3DMG. It was Eren’s last chance to succeed, and he had a big audience.

  
“Eren Yeager, are you ready?”

  
“Yes sir!”

  
Thomas started turning the gear to lift Eren up. I clenched my fists hoping Eren could pull it off. The look of determination on Eren’s face was unbelievable. He kept his balance and people actually cheered for him. The next second, though, he fell back upside down again. Shadis told Wagner to let down.

  
“I- I’m…” Eren was too upset to finish his sentence, but Shadis didn’t let him finish anyway.

  
“Wagner, switch belts with Yeager.”

  
After putting on a different belt, Eren could balance just as well as everyone else did yesterday.

  
“Your belt was defective,” announced Shadis, “It had a broken clasp. I didn’t know that could happen. We’ll have to add to the maintenance checklist.”

  
I beamed at Eren from where I stood at the front of the crowd between Armin and Bertholdt. Around us, I could hear people saying, “That’s amazing!” and “Even with a broken belt, he was able to stand up right!”

  
“That’s my boy,” I said with a smile.

  
“Look at his eyes! It’s like he’s saying, what do you think of that?” exclaimed Armin.

  
“No,” said Mikasa. “He’s relieved because he doesn’t have to leave me now.”

  
Armin, Bertholdt, Reiner and I all turned to look at her with dumbstruck faces. Then I stifled a giggle and turned to Bertholdt and Reiner to whisper, “She’s been crazy about him since we were kids. It’s adorable, but a little weird. You got to admire her commitment, though.”

  
After that, my life in the Cadet Corps fell into routine. Early in the morning before everyone else, Mikasa and I would wake up to spare or train our bodies, then shower and head to breakfast with everyone else. I tried to route what group of people I sat with at meals to get to know everyone better. After breakfast, we would train outside, doing different exercises to improve strength, agility, and endurance, and different drills to improve our hand to hand combat skills. We would eat lunch at dinner, and spend the early afternoon in the classroom learning about the titans, first aid, and whatever else they decided we needed to know to be adequate soldiers. The evenings were set aside for 3DMG training, which usually took place in the nearby forest. After that, we had dinner and free time until lights out.

  
The best part of the day was always when we weren’t working or training. Although I was here for a purpose, I still enjoyed socializing and goofing around with my new friends. Growing up, Eren, Armin and I were the neighborhood misfits, but we got along fine here. Every night I would sit and talk to the other girls in the barracks. It was a refreshing pace from talking to Eren and Armin about the prospects of the future and titans. At night, the girls didn’t talk about who messed up what during training, who had the worst accidents during 3DMG practice, or about what was waiting for us when we finished our three years of training. Instead, they talked about whatever stupid, funny thing Connie and Sasha did that day, the best way to make your hair look good while flying through the air at ungodly speeds, which boys looked the best in uniform, and other trivial things that had no importance. Even Mikasa joined in. The only girl that didn’t was Annie, which bothered me. Annie always stood off to the side of the group, looking bored.

  
Walking back to the barracks from the mess hall one night with Krista, Sasha, Mina, and Ymir, I brought this up.

  
“Do any of you ever feel bad for Annie?”

  
“No?” said Mina while Sasha cocked her head to the side, “Huh?”

  
“It’s just that she hardly ever talks to anyone unless it’s necessary. She stands to the side and watches everyone else talk and have fun,” I explained.

  
Ymir laughed at me, “I think that’s because that’s what she wants to do. She isolates herself, don’t feel bad about it.”

  
“But who wants to be isolated from everyone? What does it hurt to try to bring her out of shell?” I gave them pleading eyes. This was something I planned to do anyway, but I’d rather not do it alone.

  
“I don’t know,” said Krista. “I hate that she gets left out of everything, too, but she does do it to herself.”

  
“But what if, you know, she had a bad childhood or something? What if she has trouble talking to people? What if she wants to be friends with all of us but doesn’t know how?”

  
This made Sasha, Mina, and Krista look like they’d consider talking to Annie with me, but Ymir still laughed at me.

  
“What if you’re looking too far into it and sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong?” she asked me.

  
I shrugged back, “In that case, the worst she can do is tell us to go away.”

 

  
When we got back to the barracks and put away our dirty clothes, and I looked at the other girls and said, “You ready?”  
They nodded back and we all walked over to Annie’s bed where she was already laying down. I took the initiative to talk first since it was my idea.  
“Hey Annie! How was your day?” I said in the bubbliest, most Krista-like voice I could manage.

  
Annie turned and took the five of us in. I couldn’t see the faces of the other girls, but Krista and I stood at the front and gave our best smiles.

  
“Fuck off,” she said, and pulled an angry face scary enough to cause Mina and Sasha to turn tail and run away back to their own beds. I grabbed Krista’s hand to make sure she didn’t leave to. If she left so would Ymir and then I’d be stuck talking to Annie alone.

  
“Come on Annie, we just want to talk to you,” I said, keeping the same smile.

  
“Why?”

  
I faltered, “Uh, well…”

  
Krista picked it up for me, “Because we haven’t yet. You’re by yourself all the time, so we wanted to come talk to you and see how you were doing.”

  
“I’m not interested in small talk,” said Annie, “and you haven’t talked to me yet because I don’t want to.”

  
“Alright,” caught in Ymir, “give it up short-stuffs. The girl doesn’t want to be bothered.”

  
I decided to obey Ymir and give it up for now, but I was determined to try again later. “Just you wait, Annie, you and I are going to be friends before this is over.”

  
She rolled her eyes and said, “Whatever,” before rolling so her back faced us.

  
As we walked to the other side of the room to where the rest of our friends were sitting I said, “Well, that could’ve gone worse.”

  
Ymir looked at me bewildered and said, “How?”

  
“She could’ve used more curse words?”


	5. Chapter 5

After one year into training, we all had improved and learned a lot. Constantly training with Mikasa caused my fighting skills to improve dramatically. When I did spare with other people, I was amazed at easily I bet most people. Of course, I still had a long way to go if I ever wanted to be as good as Mikasa. I knew it would never happen, but I still set her as a goal.

  
Using 3DMG was also a lot easier than before. Gliding through trees and flipping over and under branches became like second nature. We still weren’t even halfway through training though, so accidents still happened. One evening, on one of the first days we used titan dummies to practice our slices, I was involved in such an accident.

  
I had already found and cut through three fake titan necks. The goal was to cut at least five before our twenty-minute window was up. I found a fourth fake titan, one that hadn’t been touched yet. “Yes!” I cried and prepared myself to make the slice. Just before I flew over the neck, something large and hard slammed into me from the side. The force sent me flying  perpendicular from my original path and dislodged my anchors from the nearby trees. The anchors and wires tried to recoil, but instead wrapped around me and the person who had ran into me. From what I can tell, the other person’s wires had done the same thing. We hit the ground hard, wrapped together like a burrito. Thankfully the fake titan we had been going for wasn’t that tall so the fall didn’t hurt too bad.

“Oh damn, I’m so sorry Alex, I thought I could make it.”

I looked up and saw the person I was trapped with was Reiner Braun. I tried my hardest not to blush. Ever since I first met the guy, I tried to push down my crush and not be obvious around him. Generally, the more I got to know and like him, the less I blushed because I got more comfortable with him, but this situation was particularly embarrassing.

  
“What, exactly, were you trying to do Reiner?”

  
When I looked back up at him, I saw he was blushing too, “Well, I saw that fake titan and saw you were already going for it, but I thought it could beat you to making the first cut, so I was racing you there.”

  
“Racing me?” I said incredulously. “I didn’t even see you.”

  
“It was a still a race,” he countered.

  
“Well then, we both lost terribly,” I said, looking up to see other cadets finding the fake titan and slicing through the neck, and laughing when they also found us laying stuck below it. “Why would you try to beat me to it, anyway? This drill is just about who can make as many cuts the fastest, not who cuts them first?”

  
He gulped, “Uh, bragging rights?”

  
I rolled my eyes and heard our names being called from above. It was Connie and Sasha.

  
“Alex, you’re supposed to find titans, not a man!”

  
“Woot, woot, get it Reiner!”

  
We both blushed again, and I yelled back, “Haha, very funny. Mind cutting us loose?”

  
“Nah!” they both yelled before speeding off to find the next wooden titan.

  
“Those little shits,” I said, “I’m going to go get them as soon as I’m free.”

  
“Are you really in that much of a rush to get rid of me?” he asked with one sided grin.

  
I smirked back and said, “I’m in a rush to keep these wires from cutting into my arms and legs anymore.”

  
“Arlert, Braun! What do you think you’re doing?” I could hear the horse gallop up behind me, but I couldn’t turn my head to look at Commander Shadis.

  
“We’ve had an accident with the equipment, sir,” answered Reiner.

  
“I can see that, Braun, I want to know what happened.”

  
“I was headed for the fake titan above us, sir, when Reiner came and thought he could beat me to it. He ran into me from the other direction,” Reiner didn’t look pleased with me throwing him under the wheels.

  
“I see. The both of you can run five laps around the perimeter when we get back to headquarters, and when you’re done with dinner you can use your evening hours to rewire your equipment. Braun for being arrogant, and Arlert for being unobservant.”

  
He cut us free and we both stood and saluted him, “Yes sir! Thank you, sir!”

  
He got back on his horse and said, “If you start walking now, you can make it back to headquarters the same time as the rest of us.”

  
We started walking back towards the direction of the training camp while Shadis got back on his horse and galloped away.

  
“Unobservant,” I muttered under my breath while rolling my eyes.

  
“You did fail to notice me coming at you from your peripheral,” he said.

  
I frowned. It was true, but I had never been called unobservant before. It was just one more thing I had to work on.

  
“Yeah,” I said, “and it’s amazing I didn’t. You think one would notice a giant ox coming flying at them from the side.”

  
He laughed and said, “How unoriginal. Connie and Jean have called me that a million times already, pipsqueak.”

  
“Okay. How about… humongous pain in my ass?” I smiled up at him to show I was joking with him and he grinned back.

  
“That’s a little better, but unfortunately, I’ve heard that before, too.”

  
“Damn. You’re going to have do better too, you know. Pipsqueak is very cliché,” I teased.

  
“You’ll have to give me time to think of a good one,” he said, smirking.

  
We walked back to headquarters and did our laps while bantering and laughing.

  
“Wait, so what’s the system they came up with? Like how do they tell what means what?” I laughed. We were talking so much it was taking us twice as long to run our laps.

  
“Well, when Bertholdt’s hands are above his hands it means it might rain, if his hands by his side then it’ll snow, and if his arms are across his body then it’ll be dry. If his legs are spread, then it’ll thunder, and if they’re up in the air then it means hail. There’s more signs that they have meanings for, but I don’t remember them all.”

  
“Up in the air?” I scoffed. “No way he’s actually slept with his legs in the air. You’re exaggerating.”

  
“I am not. He’s sleeps like a maniac and he has since we were kids.”

  
“Who shares the bed with him?” I giggled though I was sure already knew.

  
“Me,” he deadpanned. “But it’s not that bad. I’ve woken up with him on top of me before, but I’m a heavy sleeper anyway.”

  
I laughed so hard I had to stop running, and Reiner slowed down to wait on me. “Come on, shrimp. I don’t want your slow, short legs to make me miss dinner.”

  
“These short legs outrun your titan legs everyday during training, so don’t get an attitude with me,” I shot back with a smirk.

  
The smile on Reiner’s face fell and stared at me shocked. I frowned back at him, “What’s wrong?”

  
“Nothing."

  
We only had half a lap left after that and Reiner didn’t talk to me again until we were done. “I’ll meet you in the equipment storage room after the bell to rewire the gear.”

 

  
“See you then!” I called, but he was already walking away.

  
I huffed and followed him to the mess hall. When I had gotten there, he had already taken his place next to Bertholdt at a table full of boys and I started to walk towards the table with Sasha, Ymir, Christa, and Mina but I when I got closer I noticed them all waiting for me with smirks. I turned around and sat next to my brother across from Mikasa and Eren.

  
“So how did the rest of 3DMG training go?” I asked while I started to tuck into my meal.

  
“What? Weren’t you there?” said Eren.

  
Mikasa saved me from answering, “Her and Reiner got in an accident with the gear and had to walk back.”

  
“How did that happen?” asked Armin. “I saw the two of you stuck on the forest floor together.”

  
I gave him a fake angry scowl, “You mean you saw your own sister unable to move on the ground and you didn’t stop to free her?”

  
“W-well,” he gulped, not noticing that I wasn’t actually angry, “It’s not like you were actually in trouble. And the time was almost up and I had only gotten three titans….”

  
“Not like you wanted to be free from Reiner anyway,” muttered Mikasa.

  
I choked, and so did Armin and Eren.

  
“Excuse me?” exclaimed Armin, “Alex doesn’t think like that, right Alex?”

  
My face was so red I didn’t even try to answer him, I just hid my face in my hands.

  
“No,” said Eren. “You’re not allowed to like boys. You either Mikasa.”

  
Mikasa’s cheeks turned pink, but Eren didn’t notice. Instead he just kept glaring at me.

  
“Who are you to tell me what to do? Both of you?” I countered, looking both Eren and Armin in the eyes.

  
“I’m your brother!” said Armin.

  
“Right,” nodded Eren, “and the four of us have been through hell together, so I’d like to think I count as your brother now, too. And as your brothers, who know how the other boys think, we say you’re not allowed to flirt with them.”

  
I didn’t know whether to be touched or angry. Eren had never said he’d considered me as a sister before. Mikasa picked up the argument for me, though. “Brothers or not, you can’t tell her what to do. Or me.”

  
Armin broke in, “We just don’t want either of you to get hurt. Like, Eren said, we know how the other guys think. Reiner doesn’t talk about the girls like the other guys though, does he Eren?”

  
Eren shrugged, “I can’t recall. But I guess if it was anyone, Reiner wouldn’t be that bad…”  
I rolled my eyes, “Don’t worry about it. My flirting didn’t go over so well, anyway. He was cold to me for the last lap.”

  
“That doesn’t sound like Reiner,” said Mikasa.

  
“What did you say?” asked Eren.

  
I put my head in my hand again. I sat with them for the purpose of avoiding this conversation. “Well, we were making fun of our height difference. You know, he was making fun of my short legs while we were running our laps, and so I said that my short legs could run faster than his titan legs, and then he stopped talking after that.”

  
Armin sighed, “Alex, don’t you remember where Reiner and Bertholdt came from? Their village was in the mountains in Wall Maria. They had even less warning about the titans than we did.”

  
Eren nodded, “They never opened up like we did about what exactly happened before they escaped. So, they probablysaw  things worse than what we did. Even hearing about the titans could still give them flashbacks.”

  
“I still get flashbacks,” murmured Mikasa, and Eren put a hand on her shoulder.

  
“Oh my god,” I said, mouth open in horror. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize that. How could I be so insensitive?”

  
Eren shrugged, “Reiner’s not the type to hold grudges. He probably didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to admit it made him upset. I’m sure if you apologize it’ll be fine.”

  
I nodded, and then narrowed my eyes at him, “You were just complaining about me talking to boys, and now you’re helping me talk to a boy?”

  
“Reiner’s one of my best friends. If you’re going to flirt with boys, I’d rather it be one I trust.”

  
“It definitely could be someone worse,” said Armin. “You should hear what Daz says about all of you at night. Actually, no, you shouldn’t.”

  
“Do the two of you talk about girls with them?” I asked, curious.

  
“Well, I don’t mind saying if I think someone’s pretty,” said Armin. “But having a sister, two sisters really, makes me not like the way they talk about girls’ bodies. Especially since the two of you are a part of the main girls they talk about.”

  
“Really?” I said, looking at Mikasa, who also looked surprised. I wasn’t surprised that the boys talked about Mikasa, she was gorgeous, but me?

  
“Yes,” scowled Eren. “It’s disgusting. I got into with Jean one time about it. Reiner was actually the one who broke that fight up.”

  
I didn’t have to guess which one of us Jean was talking about. It was no secret he liked Mikasa. I thought it was terribly sweet that Eren stood up for her when she wasn’t even there. Based off the pink tinge of her cheeks, I could tell Mikasa realized this too. Eren was an angry little shit, but you couldn’t say he wasn’t a loyal friend.

  
“Well, I’m supposed to meet him in the supply room to rewire our gear after dinner, so I’ll apologize to him then.”

  
They all nodded and smiled. As much as I loved my new friends here, spending time with my three childhood friends was something I could never have enough of you. Then I remembered what I had originally wanted to talk about, “None of you ever told me what you did for the rest of training.”

  
“Oh, right!” exclaimed Armin and then went on to explain in detail the rest of the drills and what skill sets they were supposed to target.  
After the bell rang, I left the mess hall and went to supply room to find Reiner already inside working on his gear.

  
“Hey,” I said as I entered. “How was your dinner?”

  
“Bland as always,” he answered.

  
I shrugged, “I guess that’s expected when you’re getting three free meals a day.”

  
He nodded and I pulled up a stool to sit across from him while I worked. As I started, I said, “I’m sorry.”

  
He looked up at me finally, and gave me a confused look, “For what? I’m the reason we have to do this.”

  
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I was being insensitive. I never had to face the titans head on like you, Bertholdt, Eren, and Mikasa. And, in times like this, it’s easy to let yourself forget how terrible they are. Especially when you want to.”

  
His eyes widened and he sat still for a few seconds, just staring at me.

  
“Reiner? Are you okay?” I reached out and put my hand on his, and thought, whoa, he really did have it worse than Eren and Mikasa three years ago.

  
The weird look left his face and he nodded, “Yeah. You’re right, it is easy to forget, especially when you want to.”

  
“You know you can tell me anything, right Reiner? I’d never judge you or think less of you,” I was hinting at him to tell me about what happened at his hometown, but he shook his head vigorously and changed the subject.

  
“I bet I can get this done faster than you,” he gave me a devilish grin that made me melt and forgive him for changing the subject so abruptly.

  
“What are we betting?” I smirked.

  
“Whoever loses has to say ‘fuck you’ to Commander Shadis’ face tomorrow.”

  
“What? But that’s suicide! Haven’t you ever gotten a headbutt from him before?” I yelled.

  
“No,” he smirked.

  
“Well you’re about to when you have to say that to him tomorrow,” I said, and then went to work as quickly as possible.

  
“Hey, wait, no fair!” he picked up his gear from where he had sat it down on the ground during our talk and tried to get back started as quick as me.

  
“You had a head start on me anyway,” I laughed. There was a lot of things Reiner was better than me at. He was better than me at 3DMG, he was stronger than me, and even though I had said I was faster than him earlier, I could barely keep my place next to Mikasa at the front of the pack during runs. If Reiner tried hard he probably could outrun me. But he wasn’t smarter than me, and my better knowledge of mechanics allowed me to work faster with fewer errors. Even with Reiner starting before I got back from dinner, I beat him.

  
“Damnit,” he cursed when I stood up and started to put away my tools and out away my gear.

  
“You’re the one who suggested a bet, Reiner. You shouldn’t bet when you can’t win,” I teased.

  
“I’ll get you next time,” he promised and I laughed.

  
“Only if you survive Shadis first.”

  
We walked together back to the barracks and parted ways to walk to our respective buildings when we got just in front of them.

  
“Goodnight, Reiner. See you tomorrow.”

  
As I turned to head the to the girls’ building I felt him touch my shoulder and say, “Wait.”

  
I turned to face him and met his eyes, “Yes?”

  
He opened his mouth and closed it twice before saying, “Nothing, sorry. Have a good night.”

  
He turned abruptly and walked towards the boys’ building. I wasn’t sure what that was about, but didn’t have much time to ponder it when I got inside.

  
Sasha, Ymir, Christa, and Mina were waiting for me just inside the door, and when I walked in many of the other girls turned to look at me as well.

  
“So how was your evening with Reiner, Alex?” smirked Mina.

  
A few “Oooo’s” were heard around the room. I rolled my eyes and tried to play it off cool, but I could feel the heat on my face betraying me.

  
“We just ran laps and fixed our gear together. No big deal.”

  
“Oh?” said Ymir. “And what about the part where you were pushed against his body on the ground? Was that a big deal?”

  
My face got even more red and the girls around the room were laughing. One of the girls that Mikasa was sitting with across the room called out, “I saw you running with him, Arlelt. You were flirting so bad that I think even the birds noticed.”

  
“And Reiner was flirting back,” said Sasha, wiggling her eyebrows.

  
I decided to ignore them and made my way to mine and Mikasa’s bed so I could change. Mikasa walked over to sit on the bed and Sasha, Mina, Christa, and Ymir followed me and sat with her while I changed.

  
“Come on, Alex,” whined Christa. “Surely there’s something interesting to tell us. We all know you like him.”

  
“Well,” I said. “You’re all going to get to see him make a fool of himself tomorrow.”

  
“What?” said Mina. “How?”

  
“He lost a bet,” I smiled. “You’ll see.”

  
“I saw you checking him out while you were running, too,” said Ymir. “You were running slightly behind him the whole time, on purpose.”  
“Well, what can I say? His ass is thick as hell.”

  
Before I could respond, a voice called out to me from the next bed over. “You’re pathetic, you know?”

  
I looked over to see Annie laying on her bed. I hadn’t even noticed her before, but I walked over to stand next to her while the girls watched.

  
“What makes you think that, Annie?” I said, keeping my smile up as best I could.

  
“We’re here to learn how to fight, not flirt with boys. Weren’t you there at Shiganshina? I thought you said you saw the Armored and Colossal titans? How can you justify sitting here flirting with unimportant people when there were probably people who died for someone as pathetic as you to live?” she sat up and scowled at me.

  
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, thinking again of that soldier who stopped to talk to me. “There were people who died for me to live.”

  
“Then how can just waste your time like this? People died for you and you’re here making friends and talking about boys and hair. How can you-“

  
I cut her off. “There were people who died for me to live, Annie. Not just survive, but live. I’m here to honor their sacrifice, but I want to live my life, too. We spend all day training and working to get better, what’s wrong with setting aside our evening time to relax? If we all just went through cycles of dying for each other, what would be the point? If I had given my life for someone else to escape the titans, I wouldn’t want that person to work themselves to death. I’d want them to enjoy the life that I sacrificed myself for.”

  
She stared at me with an amazed expression, and I kept going, “You do know the difference between surviving and living, don’t you Annie? I survived the titan attack, but if I do nothing but train and sit off quietly to the side, then why would I have survived? That would mean that those people gave their lives just for me to grow up and do what they did anyway. If I think talking about hair and Reiner Braun’s ass makes my life worth living, then what’s the harm in it?”

  
She scowled at me again, “I know the difference between surviving and living.”

  
“Then come on, sit with us. Talk with us and be our friend. Being happy is important too, Annie.”

  
She looked at me for a second longer before saying, “Maybe later,” and laying back down to face the wall.

  
I shrugged and walked back to Mikasa and the rest were still sitting on our bed.

  
“That was a very inspiring speech,” said Christa.

  
“Almost a little too serious for me,” yawned Ymir, who looked unimpressed.

  
“I think it’s a good step in the right direction for her, though,” I said. “She’s going to open up to us soon.”

  
“You’re still on that?” laughed Mina. “That’s not going to happen.”

  
I threw my pillow at her and said, “Just wait. You’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I’m not sure how apparent I made it, but Reiner’s hot and cold reactions to Alex is supposed to be his split personality disorder. I’d imagine that would’ve showed about a half or year or so into their time in the Cadet Corps, which would be around the time he truly realized that the people of Paradis aren’t demons.


	6. Chapter 6

After the day of the 3D gear accident, I found myself seeking out Reiner more. I sat with him and Bertholdt at dinner more often, I asked him to be my partner during exercises more often, and sought him out during my free time more often. I still spent time with my friends, but I always felt a pull towards Reiner that I had a hard time disobeying. He was easy to joke around with, and easy to have a serious conversation with, and I found that I could easily spend hours talking to him without realizing that hours had passed.

  
One evening after dinner that I sat on the porch of the mess hall talking with Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Bertholdt, Reiner, Ymir, and Christa. As time got closer to lights out, our group slowly disbanded. Ymir and Christa left first, then Mikasa. Bertholdt excused himself a half hour before lights out, saying something about showering, and Eren and Armin left with him. Reiner and I sat on the porch, exchanging jokes and laughing.

  
“You know, I never did come up with an original name to call you,” commented Reiner.

  
I laughed, “I forgot about that. Have you thought of any?”

  
“Not really. But how about... Armrest?”

  
“It’s more original than Pipsqueak.”

  
“Fun sized?”

  
“Not original at all. Besides, that’s an adjective, not a name.”

  
“What about Peanut?”

  
“Hm, it’s definitely a step in the right direction.”

  
He grinned and said, “I like Peanut. That’ll be it.”

  
I gave him a fake serious look, “Don’t actually start calling me that.”

  
“Whatever you say, Peanut.”

  
I swatted at his arm, and he laughed. His deep voice boomed when he laughed and I loved it.

  
Then I heard the bell signaling for lights out and my smile fell.

  
“Damn, I’m not even tired. I guess we have to go, though. Goodnight Reiner,” I waved bye at him as I stood up to go back to the girl’s barracks.

  
He grabbed my arm to stop me, “We don’t have to go to bed yet if you don’t want to.”

  
I cocked my head at him, “But won’t we get in trouble?”

  
He held onto my hand and pulled me off the porch and led me in the opposite direction of the barracks. “Not if we’re sneaky about it.”

  
We ended up away from the rest of the buildings by stacks of lumber that had been set aside, probably to be cut into firewood for later. Reiner laid down in the grass, staring at the sky while I sat cross legged on one of the stacks of wood. We were both silent for a while and I looked up to see what he saw. There was no moon, but there were a thousand stars shining brightly across the heavens. I wasn’t sure what made me think of it, but after another few minutes I turned my head to look back down at Reiner and ask, “Have you ever head of the ocean?”

  
Reiner’s eyebrows furred and he scrunched up his nose. He looked at me and said, “Huh?”

  
“You probably haven’t. Nobody’s supposed to talk or know about the outside world. When Armin and I were little, we found a book in our grandfather’s attic. It was an old book; the pages were yellow and the binding was falling apart. It was probably written before we went behind the walls a hundred years ago. It described the geography of the outside world. According to the book, seventy percent of the earth’s surface is covered in water. The ocean is like a giant lake that spreads across the world and its water is salty. There are also many different land masses in the ocean besides ours. And did you know that not everywhere has green grass and trees like here? There are some lands where it’s all sand for as far as you can see, and in some places, it’s all snow. And in some parts of the world, there are huge jungles with all sorts of weird animals in them.”

  
Reiner was looking me in the eyes and listening intently, “I… didn’t know that. And you’re sure that’s all true, just from reading one book?”

  
I thought about it for a second and said, “Well, no. You really can’t be sure it’s true from just one book, can you? But I believed it when I was a girl, and it really made an impression on me. Armin and Eren, too. We didn’t know Mikasa yet. But you know how Eren gets angry all the time, really easily?”

  
“Yeah?” he said with a soft chuckle.

  
“That’s when he first started getting angry about stuff. He wanted to go out and explore all those strange places, and so did Armin and I. But we couldn’t because of the titans. They keep us from going outside the walls. After that Eren had a different view of the walls, and so did I, in a way. The walls aren’t our sanctuary, they’re our prison, and the titans are the wardens. Eren used to say that we’re kept in the walls like cattle in fields for the titans to devour. Which eventually happened…”

  
Reiner was still looking in my eyes, but he had taken on a more sad, pitiful expression. I could see how painful the topic of titans was to him from the haunted look in his eyes.

  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to talk about them. But as kids, it made us mad that there was this big, beautiful world that’s taken up by those beasts that don’t even have the brain capacity to appreciate it.”

  
He nodded and said, “I understand. Tell me more about when you were a kid. What was little Armin, Eren, Alex, and Mikasa like?”

  
I giggled and replied, “Well, we were misfits. Eren’s temperament didn’t allow him to get along with the other kids very well, and Armin and I were the little nerds. I was different before I met Mikasa. I used to be jealous of her. When I first met her, I hated her.”

  
“Really? But she’s your best friend now.”

  
“Yeah, she is. But you see, before Mikasa came along, Eren and Armin used to get beat up by the other boys all the time. And the other girls in our class at school used to pick on me for getting the highest grades in the class, and because they thought I was weird. I was shy and didn’t like being separated from Armin and I wouldn’t talk to hardly anyone but Armin and Eren. But after Mikasa came, she would just beat up anyone who tried to mess with Eren. And because Armin and I were Eren’s friends, so she beat up anyone who messed with us, too.”

  
“So… you hated her because she beat up you and your brother’s bullies? That doesn’t make sense.”

  
I shook my head, “It wasn’t that as much as that she could beat up our bullies and I couldn’t. She was stronger than me, and more confident, and prettier. She could do almost everything that I couldn’t. I hated her for that. Ever since I met her, I’ve wanted to be like her.”

  
“Is that why you try so hard in training, and why you exercise with her all the time?”

  
“It’s part of it, yes.”

  
“I don’t believe that Mikasa was ever prettier than you,” he said, and that surprised me.

  
“She’s prettier than me now.”

  
He shook his head, “No, you’re definitely prettier.” I blushed, and so did he, and he changed the subject back to my childhood, “You never said when you met Mikasa, or how.”

  
“Oh, well, Mikasa lived alone in a cabin in the mountains with her parents before coming to Shiganshina. I can’t remember where exactly the cabin was, but Eren had gone with his father, Dr. Yeager, to do a check-up with the family. Dr. Yeager used to bring Eren on trips a lot before this. I don’t know the entire story with all the details, but basically when they got there, they found out that outlaws had ransacked the place and killed Mikasa’s parents. Dr. Yeager had gone to get help, or something, but Eren ran away from his dad, went back, saved Mikasa, and the two of them killed the three men that were keeping her captive.”

  
“What the hell? They killed grown men when they were kids?”

  
“I know. It’s a crazy story. Dr. Yeager took Mikasa home with him and Eren and let her stay with them. After that, Mrs. Yeager didn’t let Dr. Yeager take Eren on trips.”

  
“Shit. I wouldn’t either. So, is that why Mikasa’s so in love with Eren? Because he saved her life?”

  
“Yep. That’s another reason I hated her. I used to have a crush on him, too.”

  
“Really?” he said incredulously, “But you don’t anymore?”

  
“Nah. He’s more like a second brother to me now. He gets too worked up too easily anyway.”

  
Reiner nodded. He hadn’t broken eye contact with me the whole time, and I didn’t want to be the one to look away first. I liked looking at his eyes, anyway. “So, tell me about little Reiner and Bertholdt. What was your life in your village like?”

  
He looked away from me for a few moments to look at the sky again, as if deciding how to best answer the question. Then he looked back at me, and said, “It was small, and pleasant enough. I lived with just my mom. My dad left when he found out she was pregnant with me.”

  
“That’s terrible.”

  
He nodded, “Did you know that Annie’s from our village, too?”

  
“I didn’t. I never noticed you or Bertholdt talking to her or anything.”

  
He shrugged, “I always got the feeling she didn’t like us. Or me, anyway. I was kind of the misfit in the group of kids at my village, too, and I’m pretty sure I took Bertholdt’s reputation down with me. But Bert has always been quiet and shy, and loyal. After we became friends, he didn’t really care if the other kids made fun of us. He was fine just being friends with me. Looking back, I’m grateful, I would’ve been really lonely if he hadn’t become my friend.”

  
“That’s so sweet,” I said, and he smiled at me.

  
“But why didn’t the other kids like you? You’re a great guy.”

  
He frowned and looked back up at the sky again with a solemn expression, “You said that I could tell you anything, right? And you wouldn’t judge me?”

  
“Of course, I wouldn’t.”

  
“Well, before the titans came, I was different. I guess kind of how you were different before Mikasa came. We’ve told you that we were the only ones that got away from the titans, right? We had no warning, and no one else got away on time.”

  
“Yeah, I remember when you and Bertholdt told us that. But what does that have to do with it?”

  
“Well, there was originally four of us that got away from the titans. The fourth kid’s name was Marcel. He was a great guy, one of the only other kids that was nice to Bert and I. He was talented, too, and everyone else looked up to him. Annie, Bertholdt, and I looked to him to get us to the wall, and lead us away from the titans.”

  
Reiner didn’t continue, so I asked, “What happened to Marcel?”

  
“He got eaten alive because I was stupid. I let one of the titans sneak up on me, and Marcel pushed me out of the way. Bert, Annie, and I ran away while he was being devoured.”

  
“Reiner…. I’m so sorry.”

  
He shook his head, “It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

  
“Reiner-“

  
“Don’t try to tell me it’s not. I’ve already accepted that, and comes to term with it. I’m the reason Marcel died. Like I said, he was a great guy that we all looked up to, and Annie was bitter and angry after that. She blamed me, and she thought that there was no way we’d make it without Marcel there to lead us. So, I figured if I was the reason that Marcel died, that I should be the one to take Marcel’s place. After that I started acting like he did, being dependable, strong, and smart, and leading Annie and Bert to safety. Before I was a loser, to be honest. I wasn’t especially talented at anything, and I’m still not. I was whiny and rude, too. So, you see, I’m not really the great guy, Marcel was. I’m still pretending to be him. I don’t even know what I would be like now, if I didn’t.”

  
He stopped talking and continued staring at the sky. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting that, or anything quite that sad. Laying there, Reiner looked guilty, and almost broken. I got off the wood and sat down beside him. He looked at me confused. I grabbed his arm and tugged until he sat up, and I wrapped my arms around him.

  
“You just looked like you needed a hug. And you are a great guy, Reiner.”

  
“Alex, I just told you-“

  
“No, that doesn’t mean you’re not a great guy. Am I not a good fighter, just because I’m mimicking Mikasa when I do it? When I become a solider, it’ll be because of the men at Shiganshina that died for me. But I won’t be any less of a solider. And you’re not any less of a wonderful person because you’re mimicking your old friend. Everything you’ve done, is you.”

  
He hugged me back and nodded into my hair, “Thank you.”

  
I pulled back to smile at him, and when I looked at his face something inside me pulled. In the starlight, he looked even more handsome. He didn’t move his hands from my back, and he leaned back into me, like he was going to kiss me, then pulled away again. He looked unsure, and I almost leaned in to kiss him, but he pulled away and stood up.

  
“Are you tired? It ought to be late by now. We should probably go back.”

  
I nodded and stood up to walk beside him. As we walked, he turned to me and asked, “So did you ever come up with a nickname for me?”

  
“What?”

  
“I dubbed you Peanut, what name do you have for me?”

  
“Hm… Bigfoot?”

  
He laughed, and I grinned, happy I made him laugh after he had been so sad and serious and before.

  
“Or what about Grizzly? You are kind of built like a bear.”

  
“Bear? I thought I was built like an ox?”

  
“You’re tall and muscular. Sounds like a bear, right?”

  
“Whatever you say, Peanut.”

  
I gave him a shove, and he laughed again, “Do you not like my nickname?”

  
“It’s a far cry better than pipsqueak, but that doesn’t mean I like it.”

  
“How about Princess? You act like a little princess.”

  
“How do I act like a princess?”

  
He shrugged, “You just do. I can see you now, flying through the forest in you gear and singing with all the birds. Like a titan killing princess.”

  
I gave him a weird look before bursting out in laughter. He laughed too, and we had to shush ourselves as we got closer to the where the Commander and the officer’s slept.

  
“Goodnight, Princess,” he whispered heading towards the boy’s building while I went the other way.

  
“Goodnight, Grizzly Bear,” I whispered back and I saw his smirk before turning away completely.

  
When I got inside, I removed my clothes as quietly as possible, and slipped into my night clothes. Before I got into bed, I looked at the clock on the wall. It was after 3:30 am. Light’s out was at ten. We had been sitting out there for over five hours. And I had to wake up in three hours.  
Tomorrow’s not going to be fun, I thought. Just before I fell asleep, thoughts of Reiner’s golden hair and golden eyes light up by starlight flashed through my mind.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days after the night I stayed up with Reiner, I was finally back on my normal sleep schedule. The day after that had been hell, but Reiner had been as exhausted as I was, so at least I didn’t suffer alone. That morning we were doing hand to hand combat drills, and I was going to ask Reiner to be my partner, but was stopped by Bertholdt. As I approached them, Bertholdt spoke before I could get my mouth open, “Alex, will you be my partner? You’re really good, and I need a challenge!”

  
Reiner frowned at him, “Am I not a challenge?”

  
Bertholdt laughed and waved his hand at him, “Sure you are. But Alex is one of the best fighters in the class! It’s because you train and practice with Mikasa all the time, right?”

  
“Well, I wasn’t good before I started taking lessons from her. If you really want a challenge, then why don’t you ask her?” I asked.  
I could see a drop of sweat run down Bertholdt’s forehead, which wasn’t unusual. The boy sweated all the time. “Uh, see… Mikasa is kind of scary….”

  
I smiled and laughed, “I promise she’s not really. But sure, I’ll be your partner.”

  
After the drill was explained to us, Bertholdt and I found a free spot and began. It was a basic exercise with little instructions. We were supposed to alternate who attacked first, and the objective was to try to knock the other one off their feet first. Other than that, there were no rules. As always, I tried to analyze my opponent before we went to throwing punches, but there wasn’t much I really knew about Bertholdt’s fighting style. He had never stood out to me, and if I had spared with him before, it had been a long time. I then realized that there wasn’t much I knew about Bertholdt in general except he was friends with Reiner and he was quiet. Eren and Armin were closer to him than I was, but I hadn’t spent time with him without Reiner and he tended to stand behind him and let him do the talking.

  
Just as I realized this, Bertholdt made his first move and swung his fist at me. I moved quickly, a little put off from being caught off guard, but could dodge just in time. At the same time I ducked my head, though, he brought up his knee and slammed it into my chin. I stumbled back and fell.

  
“Are you sure you’re really fighting me for a challenge?” I joked as he helped me up.

  
“That’s not the best you can do,” he said. “Don’t go easy on me just because I’m shy.”

  
“And you don’t go easy on me just because I’m small,” I countered. “You could’ve kneed me harder than that.”

  
We kept going for around two hours with a few breaks for water. After the first go, I did do a lot better and only ended up on the ground a few more times. Bertholdt was larger than me and was very skilled, but I could move faster than him and I used my height as an advantage to move around him and his punches and kicks. At the end of the two hours we were both breathing hard and I suggested we spend the last five minutes resting and getting water.

  
“You’re really good, Bertholdt. I don’t think I remember seeing you fight before, either,” I commented.

  
“You still put me on the ground more often than not,” he said, almost looking upset about it.

  
“Like you said, I’m good because I get help and train with Mikasa. Without her tips and exercise, I wouldn’t be much. I was serious when I said you should go to her for a challenge. She’ll put you through it, but you’ll come out better than you were before.”

  
He nodded and said, “But Mikasa relies on her strength, skill, and speed. By the end of our sparing, I wasn’t winning at all against you. It was like you were using my own body and movements as a tactic against me. You use your brains to your advantage, and you do it within split seconds. That’s a different type of talent.”

  
“Oh. Thank you,” I said. I wasn’t expecting such high praise from him. “I still don’t think I’m that great, though. But if you want to work together again, just ask. I had fun sparing with you. If you need anything, just ask.”

  
He smiled and looked down at his feet, “There is something I want to ask you.”

  
“Yes?”

  
“The other night, Reiner didn’t come to bed until after three in the morning. Was he with you?”

  
A light blush dusted my cheeks that I tried to push back, “Yeah. We were just talking.”

  
“Just talking, until three am?” he had a weird look on his face. He looked torn between being concerned, being upset, and something else I couldn’t place.

  
“I’m sorry, it was irresponsible of us, I know. You didn’t wait up on him, did you? I mean, that’s nice if you did, to make sure your friend got back safe, but I’m sorry if we kept you up, too.”

  
“No. I tried to stay up but I fell asleep long before he got back. He woke me up when he got in the bed, apparently I was on his side, or something,” he looked a little embarrassed about that, and I remembered what Reiner said about Bertholdt’s weird sleeping positions. I pushed back a chuckle, imagining Reiner having to move Bert around at three thirty am just to get in bed.

  
“Still, sorry about worrying you. Reiner told me about when you were kids, and you were his only friend. You probably worry about him a lot.”

  
A small smile pulled on his lips as he looked down again and said, “You have no idea.”

  
I stared at him for a few seconds before saying anything else, trying to figure out what he meant. Then it all made sense. “Oooooh.”

  
He furrowed his eyebrows and looked back at me, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  
In my head, all the pieces were coming together. Bertholdt was almost always at Reiner’s side, Bertholdt worried about Reiner, Bertholdt didn’t like Reiner staying out late with me, and what Reiner said about Bertholdt being happy with Reiner being his only friend as a kid all added up to one conclusion.

  
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

  
“W-what? N-no, what would make you think that?” he stuttered. He was sweating bullets and his face turned red, and I knew I was right.

  
“Bert, you can be honest with me. I won’t tell him or anyone else if you don’t want me to. I promise, and I always keep my promises.”

  
His shoulders slumped, and gave me an unsure look and whispered, “You promise?”

  
“I promise. I should say I’m sorry, though, that I didn’t realize before. I think I’m in love with him, too, now,” I gave him a sad look and continued, “But you’re his childhood friend. I really shouldn’t keep pursuing this.”

  
He laughed, and I gave him a confused look. “Sorry,” he said, “it’s just that, it’s hard to be mad or jealous of you when you’re nice like this. And you’re right, you shouldn’t continue to pursue him. But, I think you’d make him happy.”

  
I widened my eyes at him, and started to reply when I was cut off, “Alex! Come on! I’m hungry!”

  
I turned around to see Sasha standing a few meters away, tapping her foot impatiently. Ymir and Christa were already walking away towards the mess hall.

  
“Oh, sorry! I’ll see you later, Bert. I can’t make any promises about not pursuing Reiner, though. I’m sorry.” I hurried away to my friends before he could continue the conversation.

  
“What were you talking to ole tall-and-sweaty about?” asked Ymir. “It looked serious.”

  
“Nah, not that serious,” I shrugged. “Just about different kicking styles.”

  
Christa raised her eyebrows at me, “Bertholdt was that worked up about kicking styles?”

  
I nodded, “Yeah, he’s real serious about his training. Hey Mina, how was your morning?” I smiled and changed the subject as soon as I could.

  
“No good. I got my ass kicked by Annie,” she said looking exhausted.

  
“Really? I wasn’t aware Annie participated in the drills,” I said.

  
Ymir snorted and said, “She normally doesn’t. But didn’t you see when she got her childhood memories headbutted out of her by Shadis a few days ago? I’d be on guard if I was her, too.”

  
I shrugged, “Fair enough.”

  
At lunch that day everyone was tired and quiet but me. I sat restlessly, and chatted on about everything I could think of, from what exercise I hoped we’d practice that evening to whatever funny joke popped in my mind. No one else seemed to be interested in entertaining me by engaging in conversation with me. Even Connie and Sasha just nodded at me and ate their meal.

  
“What’s wrong with all of you?” I said, getting irritated at hearing my own voice alone throughout the meal.

  
“We’re tired, Alex,” yawned Sasha, “We just want to rest before we go back out to do more work.”

  
“But we’re going to the classroom next,” I pointed out.

  
“Exactly!” said Connie. “I wish we were going back to bed next.”

  
“But it’s only lunchtime!”

  
“Not everyone has your energy,” agreed Ymir. “The rest of us are normal humans who don’t get excited over everything.”

  
I looked at Christa to tell her to tell them to cheer up, but she was yawning, and then sat with her head in her hands. I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair and allowed the table to sit quietly for a few moments.

  
“You know what we need to do?” I started again.

  
“What?” answered Mina.

  
“Something fun. We’ve been here for over a year and we’ve barely left the grounds. Even on our days off we just sit and rest. You’re all tired because we do the same thing day in and day out. We need to do something different.”

  
“What kind of different?” asked Ymir, pretending to look not interested.

  
I shrugged. “Anything, really. We could go to town and shop, or maybe go swimming?”

  
“Swimming!” yelled Mina.

  
“That’s right!” added Sasha. “There’s that lake that’s not far from here! I’d bet it feel good in this summer heat!”

  
“Is swimming in a wild lake like that safe?” asked Mina.

  
Sasha nodded, “Of course! I used to swim in water like that all the time at home.”

  
I nodded too, “Armin, Mikasa, Eren, and I used to swim in the river that went through Shiganshina.”

  
Connie was looking excited, “Let’s do it!”

  
“Our next day off is Saturday, right? Let’s go then and invite everyone else. It’ll be more fun with more people,” said Christa while smiling.  
That Saturday afternoon, eighteen of us left from the camp to hike through the forest through lake, including myself, Sasha, Mina, Christa, Ymir, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Jean, Marco, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Thomas, Franz, Hannah, and Daz. I was surprised Annie had said yes when I asked her, but she muttered something about, “Better than hanging around here all day,” and that was good enough to me.

  
Since it was my idea, I ended up planning the trip. I figured if we left a half hour after lunch, then by the time we got to the lake enough time would’ve passed since lunch so our stomachs wouldn’t be upset. That would also give us plenty of time to have fun there and get back before dinner.

  
It didn’t take us too long to reach the lake. When we first caught sight of the glistening water, Jean took off running ahead of the group. “I’ll be the first one in!” he yelled, and Eren took off after him.

  
“We’ll see about that, Jean!”

  
The rest of us followed suit and ran behind them. We all threw off our clothes and jumped in in the bathing suits we wore underneath. I ran into the water until I got waist deep and jumped the rest of the way in. The cool water felt good against my skin; it wasn’t too cold or too warm. After I resurfaced, I immediately got pushed back down again by Sasha and Connie. I managed to grab Connie’s hand before I fell under and pull him with me. When I came up again, Sasha was laughing at both of our angry faces. I splashed as hard as I could at her, and soaked her and the person behind her.  
Reiner turned, looking for the culprit with an annoyed look on his face. I laughed and waved at him innocently just before I was tackled from both sides by Connie and Sasha. I went under for a few seconds before I was pulled up again with a pair arms holding mine behind my back. “Get her Connie!”

  
Sasha was holding me while Connie lunged for my sides and began tickling. I laughed and cried, “Mercy, mercy, please!”

  
“No Mercy!” yelled Eren as he joined in on the tickling fest with Connie.

  
“Stop! I can’t breathe! Help!” I yelled, even though it was obvious from my laughter that I could. I was laughing so hard at this point I felt like my lungs would burst and tears were blinding my vision.

  
Then I felt the arms holding mine release me and I was swept out of the water. I looked up to see Reiner grinning back at me while he held me bridal style. “I’ll save you, Princess!” he cried and I laughed again.

  
“Oh, my knight in shining armor!” I made a fake swooning motion and fell back in his arms.

  
Reiner ran through the water while carrying me as Sasha, Connie, and Eren tried to catch him. By now, the rest of the group was watching and laughing, too. Then Eren caught us and jumped on Reiner’s back and knocked him off balance. For what felt like the tenth time, I was pushed underwater, this time by Reiner falling forward. He helped me back up and before I could get balanced, I heard Connie yell, “Chicken fight!” while Sasha jumped on his shoulders.

  
“Mikasa!” yelled Eren, looking for her so he could secure her as a partner. Everyone scrambled to find a partner for the ensuing battle. Reiner looked down at me and smirked, “Ready, Princess?”

  
“Do I have a choice?” I smiled.

  
Reiner squatted down in the water and I swung my legs over his shoulders. He got a hold of my legs and stood up. Being so high up felt odd, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. It was a different feeling than using the 3D gear. Using the 3D gear felt weightless, like I was flying. This just felt like my legs had doubled in length, but I could no longer control them.

  
Within a few moments, the rest of the pairs were decided. It was Connie and Sasha, Eren and Mikasa, Ymir and Christa, Bertholdt and Annie, Franz and Hannah, Marco and Mina, Jean and Armin, and Daz and Thomas. Then the chaos began.

  
“Stay away from Annie and Mikasa,” I said quietly as possible so he could still hear me. “We want to stay in as long as possible. Go after the weak ones first, like Hannah and Franz!”

  
I felt him nod between as he went around Connie and Sasha fighting Ymir and Christa so he could avoid Bertholdt and Annie. At that moment, my face went red as I realized, oh god, his face was in-between my legs.

  
I didn’t have time to dwell on that little fact, though, because we were soon up against our first opponents, Marco and Mina. All that really needed doing was Reiner slamming against Marco to push them down, but I still reached out to push against Mina’s shoulders anyway.

  
“Looks like those muscles are good for something, my gallant stead,” I joked.

  
I felt him laugh as he turned us around to face Jean and Armin who were approaching us from the side. Jean let a battle cry and charged before Reiner or I fully realized they were there, and Armin already had his hands up ready to shove me off. I stuck my feet out and used them to stop Jean from hitting Reiner while I met Armin’s outstretched arms and pushed against him. While he had gained a good bit of muscle mass over the years, my extra training with Mikasa allowed me to keep the title of “Strongest Arlelt Twin.”

  
After I pushed Armin into the water and smirked at him when he came up, “A sneak attack?”

  
He shrugged and replied, “It almost worked.”

  
Reiner and I kept going like that, avoiding the real threats when we could and taking down all the weaker opponents first. Eventually, all that was left was Eren and Mikasa, Annie and Bertholdt, and Reiner and I. Mikasa and Annie seemed focused on each other, which was normal. Annie and Mikasa had a rivalry going over who was the most quiet and dangerous girl in the class. Bertholdt was looking at Reiner and I, and I thought of our conversation earlier in the week and felt a pang of guilt. Then Eren charged at Bert, and his attention went from us to them. The four of them clashed head on and all the fallen teams started cheering for whoever they wanted to win.

  
“Annie! Annie!”

  
“Mika-sa! Mika-sa!”

  
“Now’s our chance, Reiner. Go, go, go!”

  
Reiner rushed forward and slammed his shoulders into both boys while I reached forward to shove my arms between the wrestling girls and push them both aside. Neither Annie nor Mikasa was expecting it and they both gave me a look of surprise before they fell in the water with their chickens.

  
“Victory!” I yelled while Reiner whooped below me before letting me down.

  
Most of the onlookers laughed and cheered, but I could distinctly hear Marco saying, “Isn’t that dirty?”

  
I didn’t care, though. I had beat both Annie and Mikasa. My victory glow was short lived when I noticed Annie panicking when she came out of the water. Bertholdt was helping, and even though the water was only up to her waist, she looked scared. Reiner and Bertholdt helped her get closer to the shore, and I looked at Mikasa and Eren to see if they noticed. Eren still looked too mad about losing to be paying attention, but Mikasa looked back at me, too.

  
“What’s wrong with Annie?” asked Christa, who came up next to me along with Sasha.

  
I shrugged and started to walk over with Christa and Sasha following me. When we approached I could hear Reiner saying to Annie, “You shouldn’t have gotten in the water if you’re going to react like that.”

  
“I know that,” Annie hissed at him. “I told you I thought I was going to be fine.”

  
“Annie,” I said, announcing our arrival as the trio turned to look at us. “Are you okay?”

  
“I’m fine,” she huffed, crossing her arms.

  
“Are you scared of the water, Annie?” asked Christa.

  
“Of course I’m not scared of the water. I’m just scared of drowning in it. Which is a reasonable fear,” she said, glaring us down as if daring us to make fun of her.

  
“You can’t swim,” I realized.

  
“Why’d you agree to come swimming if you can’t swim?” asked Sasha, who didn’t realize how rude she sounded. I elbowed her arm, and she looked at me aghast, “What was that for?”

  
I shook my head at her and said, “You don’t have to be scared of drowning, Annie. No one here would let you drown.”

  
“I don’t want to depend on you, or these two idiots,” Annie replied, motioning at Reiner and Bertholdt, “to save me like I’m some damsel in distress.”

  
I nodded, thinking I was getting to the heart of the problem. It was Annie’s pride conflicting with her fear. She couldn’t swim, so she was scared of the water. But her pride didn’t want to admit that. She wanted to prove to herself she could handle it, which was probably why she agreed to come with us in the first place.

  
“You don’t have to depend on us,” I said looking at Christa, who looked like she was having the same thoughts as I was. “We can teach you how to swim on your own. Then you won’t need anyone to save you.”

  
Christa smiled and nodded at her, “Learning to swim is easy compared to all the other stuff we do! You’ll get in no time, Annie!”

  
“Yes!” yelled Sasha. “Let’s do it!”

  
Reiner and Bertholdt decided to stand off to the side and watch as the three of us instructed Annie on how to float in the water, kick her legs to keep herself up, and how to move arms and legs to push herself around. The rest of the group was still swimming and playing in the deeper part of the lake.

  
I was squatting in the water with my arms underneath Annie while she paddled around, practicing on keeping herself afloat while moving, when she squealed and jumped on me.

  
“What? What is it?” asked Sasha, who had been standing on the opposite side of Annie from me.

  
Before Annie could answer, I felt something slimy and gross rub against one of my legs.

  
I squealed too, and kicked out at it with my legs, causing Annie and I to both fall backwards into the water. “It’s a fish!” I yelled. “It touched us!”

  
“Seriously?” asked Sasha, with a deadpan expression on her face.

  
“Yes, seriously!” I said back.

  
Annie stood up in the water next to me, “Okay, I’m done. That was the worst thing to have ever touched me, ever.”

  
“But Annie, you were doing so well!” I complained, as she walked to the shore.

  
Sasha, however, no longer seemed to care about the swimming lessons, “Did you see how big that fish was? It could’ve been good meat!”

  
I heard laughter coming from behind me, and I turned to see Christa standing with Reiner and Bertholdt, the three of them laughing at the three of us. I smiled, and laughed back. It was funny.

  
Before I could convince Annie to try getting back in the water again, the rest of the group came back in. “Shouldn’t we be heading back?” asked Armin. “It’s getting late.”

  
“Oh yeah, we probably should,” I replied, “I lost track of time.”

  
We all headed back through the woods together, wrapped in towels and everyone was still smiling and joking with each other. A sense of calm and happiness washed over me, and I was glad our swimming trip was a success.


	8. Chapter 8

That winter, the 104th endured winter training in the northern mountain regions of the walls. It was freezing cold, and snow sat in heavy, thick layers on the ground. Coming from the more southern regions of the walls, I had not experienced a winter this cold before, or seen so much snow at once. It certainly wasn’t as fun as the snow that fell in Shiganshina. I could remember waking up and playing in the snow, which was only a few inches thick, and seeing it gone in a few days. Here, the snow was a constant presence and so was the cold, harsh wind.

  
After one long hiking exercise through the mountains, I sat exhausted and famished in the snow between Armin and Mikasa with Eren, Jean, Connie, and Sasha.

  
I didn’t pay attention to the conversation around me, and was on the verge of falling asleep on Mikasa’s shoulder when Reiner’s deep voice said, “Christa’s missing. So is Ymir.”

  
“Huh?” I sat up and looked at him along with everyone else.

  
“Christa stayed behind to help Daz, who wasn’t doing well,” explained Mikasa.

  
I nodded and leaned back on Mikasa’s shoulder, “That’s right. Ymir stayed with them too to help Christa and make sure they made it back safe. I’m sure they were picked up by one of the later groups.”

  
“No,” Reiner gave us a serious look. “Thomas’ group was the last one and they just got back. They said they never saw those three.”

  
“Shit,” said Eren, and I sat up again, “Oh.”

  
“You don’t think,” Connie said nervously, “that they got lost in this weather? They might not make it back if they’re still in there at night.”

  
Worry started to fester in my chest and I stood up, “Let’s go get them.”

  
Eren nodded, but just then one the instructors approached us, “Everyone get inside for the night.”

  
“But Christa and the others need our help!” said Eren.

  
The instructor kept the same calm face and said, “We’ll send out a search party in the morning.”

  
“But by then it’ll be too late,” exclaimed Armin.

  
“Maybe,” replied the instructor, “But it’s too late to head out tonight. There’s no sense in sending out others to die, too.”

  
“Damnit,” muttered Eren, hanging his head in defeat. The truth of the instructor’s words hit me, and I went inside the cabin along with everyone else. I ended up sitting in one of the rooms with Bertholdt and Reiner, chewing my fingernails and keeping an eye and ear on the door for news of Christa and Ymir.

  
Bertholdt and Reiner sat in front of me playing a game of chess and making light conversation that I pretended to listen to.

  
At one point I noticed that they hadn’t spoken in several minutes and I looked over at them. They both had the same worried expression as me, and watching their moves while playing I could tell that their minds weren’t focused on the game.

  
“It’s getting real late,” commented Reiner.

  
I hummed a response, and looked out the window. It had been dark for several hours now and I could see snow blowing from the lanterns on the porch.

  
“They’ll be okay, right?” asked Bertholdt. “I mean, there are three of them together.”

  
I wasn’t sure if Bertholdt was asking me or Reiner, or simply talking to reassure himself, but I answered anyway, “We won’t know until we see them or can go look for them. Still, every more minute they’re out there, the more risk they’re in for freezing to death.”

  
Silence hung over the three of us and I felt sorry for saying it and causing more worry. I almost said something else to reassure Bert, but Reiner stood and said, “Why should we wait until the instructors let us go search then?”

  
“What?”

  
“You just said yourself that the longer they’re lost out there the more likely it is they won’t make it back. If we wait until morning, they won’t have a chance. The three of us can do it, let’s go get them now and bring them back safe,” said Reiner with a determined look on his face.

  
“You want to go against orders?” I said, but I realized he was right. Together, the three of us stood a better chance of getting them back than if we waited until morning. Saving Christa, Ymir and Daz was more important than getting in trouble with the instructors.

  
Bert also stood and nodded, “We have to.”

  
I stood up and headed to the door that went towards the supply room, “Come on. She was right earlier about it being dangerous. We might be out there all night looking and we need to be prepared if we plan for all six of us to get back safe.”

  
“Right. We’ll need rope and climbing hooks, and extra torches,” nodded Reiner.

  
We packed our bags full of provisions in case we also got lost and stuck in the mountain. After we decided we had enough we headed to the front of the cabin to see Armin, Mikasa, and Eren already standing by the door.

  
“What are you all doing?” asked Reiner and they all turned to look at us. They all had their hiking bags and coats on like us.

  
“We’re going to find Christa and the others,” said Eren.

  
“You’ll need more provisions than that,” said Reiner, motioning to the rope and hooks on his arm. “We’re coming, too.”

  
“Are you sure,” asked Armin.

  
“The more people look, the higher chances we have of being successful,” I said. “Christa, Ymir, and Daz are our friends. It doesn’t feel right sitting here safe when they’re not.”

  
Just then Connie, Sasha, and Marco came out of the room behind Reiner, Bertholdt, and I, “We’re coming, too,” announced Marco, while Connie nodded.

  
“And I brought extra rations,” smiled Sasha while holding up cans of food.

  
“Guys, thank you so-” Eren was cut off by a loud, far off sounding boom that caused everyone to turn and look at the door.

  
“What was that?” asked Mikasa, but no one could think of anything that could’ve been the origin of the noise.

  
We all headed outside to look at the edge of the mountain and the forest to see if we saw anything that gave a hint of the noise when Sasha cried, “Look! There’s someone coming this way!”

  
Sure enough, a thin, tall figure was barely visible through the storm pushing its way through the snow towards us. When the figure got closer, we saw that it was Ymir, pulling a body wrapped in furs and snow that was Daz. Reiner pulled Daz the rest of the way to the cabins and Marco, Connie, and Sasha unwrapped him and started taking care of him. I wrapped an arm around Ymir as we walked back to the cabin, “Are you okay?”

  
She looked tired, and was probably very hungry from being stuck in the mountain all day and all night. But still, she replied, “I’m all right.”

  
“Where’s Christa?” asked Armin, who was on the other side of Ymir from me. Everyone walking in front of us turned their heads in anticipation of the news.

  
“She’s okay. She insisted on pulling Daz most of the way, but her strength was giving out and so was Daz, so I went ahead and pulled Daz the rest of the way so he’d live while letting her go at her own pace. She was in good shape when I left her, though, and she knew where to go. She’ll be fine.”

  
“You left alone in the storm?” asked Eren in disbelief.

  
“Well,” replied Ymir with a slight attitude in her voice, “I wouldn’t have except it would’ve probably meant that guy becoming an icicle. Like I said, she was in good condition and perfectly able to get back on her own. She was just getting too tired from pulling him and had to go slower.”

  
Reiner also look and Ymir and said, “But Christa- “

  
I gave both him and Eren a look telling them to drop it, and Reiner immediately shut up and turned around when he saw my face. Anyone who knew Ymir knew she wouldn’t have left Christa behind unless she knew that Christa would be fine. Ymir put up a good front about not caring for others and only doing things for herself, but that wasn’t who Ymir really was. She would especially do anything for Christa. I would even guess that she went ahead to save Daz rather than stay with Christa to make Christa happy.

  
In the end, Daz was fine and was stripped of his snow soaked clothes and given dry new ones and warm food. The instructors were woken up and made sure he was going to be fine. Ymir insisted on sitting outside and waiting for Christa to get back even though I told her she should come inside and get warm.

  
After bringing Ymir out a plate of food and a blanket, I came back inside and thought about sleep, but it still didn’t feel right going to bed until I knew for sure Christa made it back safe. I found Reiner sitting in the empty room where he and Bertholdt had been paying chess before. The window looking out of the room was on the side of the cabin and not the front, but you could still see Ymir sitting against the fence outside if you tried.

  
I sat on the bench next to Reiner and leaned into him. We had already taken off the coats and put away the supplies we had gotten out earlier, and his warmth was a welcome feeling.

  
“Are you sure,” he asked, “that Ymir was right to leave Christa behind?”

  
I shrugged against him, and answered, “I don’t know what’s right, per say, but I do know that the way Daz was looking, he wouldn’t have lasted if he spent another hour out there. And I know Ymir cares a lot about Christa. She wouldn’t have left her behind unless she knew that Christa was capable of handling herself. And I trust Ymir’s judgement. She’s a lot smarter and cares more than she lets on.”

  
“Well, I trust your judgement,” he said, making my heart skip a beat. He leaned back against the table behind us, causing me to fall back with him. He laid his arm out on the table behind me, causing the warmth of his arm to spread against my back.

  
“Since when do you care so much about Christa, anyway,” I teased lightly. I knew, though, that everyone here cared about Christa. She was nice to everyone and was always angelic and sweet without trying. It was almost impossible to not like her when you met her, and she was jokingly called a goddess by everyone.

  
Reiner chuckled and said, “Unfortunately, I think I’ve started to care about everyone here.”

  
“That’s not such a bad thing,” I commented, and I felt him shrug this time.

  
“Maybe not.”

  
We sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again, “You’re not planning on sleeping until Christa gets back, are you? Even though you trust Ymir that she’ll be okay.”

  
“How’d you guess?”

  
“Because that’s just how you are.”

  
I sat up a little to look at his face, “What do you mean by that?”

  
“You care too much about other people. Eren told me that you were the big sister that took care of him, Armin, and Mikasa in your days as orphaned refugees. I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but you’ve extended those habits to almost everyone you know. You taught Annie how to swim, you always save your leftovers for Sasha, you help anyone who needs it during training, and just now you fixed Ymir’s food and brought it to her to make sure she ate. You like fussing and taking care of people.”

  
I blushed and said, “I didn’t think anyone noticed that.”

  
He chuckled again, “How could anyone paying attention not notice that? And you’re still especially partial to fussing over Armin.”

  
“I’d do it to Eren too, but he’s already got Mikasa on his back,” I joked and he chuckled.

  
“Thank god Mikasa only treats Eren like that, though. It’s creepy enough with just him.”

  
I laughed. I felt bad about laughing at the expense of my best friend, but her coddling of Eren always made me laugh.

  
“Do you want me to stay up with you, though?” he asked, serious again.

  
“Only if you’re okay with it.”

  
“I’m fine. I’d feel bad leaving you up by yourself.”

  
I smiled at him and said, “You know, I think you like taking care of others, too.”

  
He returned my smile with his half smile/smirk that never failed to make my knees weak, “Maybe I do.”

  
We stayed up and talked for the next few hours, and I occasionally checked the window to make sure we didn’t miss Christa coming back. When the sky outside started to lighten, Ymir was still outside and I was beginning to worry about Christa again. To distract myself, I grabbed Reiner’s hand and said, “Let’s go watch the sunrise.”

  
We went out the door after putting our coats back on and I waved at Ymir before we walked to the other side of the cabin to face the sunrise. Watching the different shades of orange, red, and purple paint the sky looked even more beautiful next the white landscape beneath. When the actual sun came over the mountain tops, I had to look away but was still amazed by the colors I could see reflecting off the snow.

  
Before I could comment on the beauty of it, Reiner said, “I really hope Christa shows up soon. I’m getting tired and don’t have the energy to do a search party now.”

  
When he said that I realized I was also starting to feel exhaustion creeping in on me. “You don’t have to stay up, you can go to bed.”

  
“No,” he answered, turning so he was facing me. “I said I was going to stay up with you, and I will.”

  
I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness and turned to look at Ymir again, but she was standing now, with Christa in front of her.

  
“Looks like you won’t have to wait that long,” I said.

  
Christa and Ymir stood facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Whatever they were talking about, it was serious and I could feel the tension from where Reiner and I stood. They hadn’t noticed us standing there at all.

  
“They’re going to get married when we get older,” I whispered to Reiner.

  
“Really?” he whispered back.

  
“Yeah. They just don’t know it, yet. I’m already planning it out, though.”

  
He chuckled, trying not to disturb Ymir’s and Christa’s moment, “What are your plans?”

  
Just then, Ymir and Christa abruptly turned from each other, and headed inside. I could see a light blush on Christa’s face that either came from the cold or her conversation with Ymir. I was betting the latter.

  
They both continued to not notice us watching them, and after they went inside, I answered him with a normal level voice, “Well, it’ll probably be a few years after we graduate from the Cadet Corps. Maybe when Christa’s 20 and Ymir’s 21? I don’t see it being a large affair, considering they both don’t have families. They’d probably invite all of us, their friends from their training days, and maybe some new friends they’d made since then. But I see it being in the backyard of their own house, which is nestled on the each of some woods a few miles away from whatever town. Far enough for the privacy that Ymir likes, but not so far away it’s inconvenient, you know? They’d set up a little arch for the ceremony with lots of flowers around it. I bet there’d be flowers everywhere, especially in their hair. Christa would look beautiful in a long white dress and Ymir would wear a white suit because she never wears anything with a skirt. Afterwards they’d put out tables where the ceremony was and feed everyone homemade food that I probably cooked.”

  
“You cook?” he interrupted.

  
“I used to a lot before we left Shiganshina. I told you I didn’t have a mom or dad, right? That our grandpa raised me and Armin?”

  
“You did.”

  
“Well my grandpa couldn’t cook for shit. It was awful. Thankfully, Eren’s mom took it upon herself to teach me how to cook, sew, and other ladylike things. I didn’t let Grandpa cook anything after I learned how to do it myself.”

  
He laughed aloud, and I smiled before continuing, “But anyway, I’d make whatever they’d want me to. Oh, and Mina, Sasha, and I would be the bridesmaids. It’d be a little, cozy wedding.”

  
“That was a specific idea, though. Have you put a lot of thought into it?”

  
I nodded and said, “Mina, Sasha, and I talk about them sometimes. It’s rather obvious how they feel. They just won’t admit it to each other, which is stupid.”

  
He nodded and hummed at me, while crossing his arms like he was considering something.

  
“And that would’ve been perfect for it, too! I mean, the snow, the sunrise, the romantic gesture of Ymir waiting up on Christa all night in the snow. It would’ve been perfect for a first kiss.”

  
“You think?”

  
“I don’t think,” I joked, giving him a cocky smile, “I know. If they weren’t such cowards.”

  
He nodded again, before uncrossing his arms and suddenly grabbing my shoulders and leaning down to press his lips to mine. My mind went numb. My thoughts about Ymir’s and Christa’s love life got thrown out of my mind and all I could think about was his lips on mine and his arms pulling me into him. When we pulled away, I looked up at him with what was probably the stupidest looking face I had ever made completed with a large grin. He laughed a little when he looked back at me, and said, “Well, you can never say that I’m a coward, then.”

  
“I guess not."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter took forever to write because of college work, and a slight writer’s block. But, I finally got myself to finish it! Hopefully I’ll be able to write the next few chapters more easily. Also, I really need more friends in this fandom. If anyone that’s read the recent manga chapters wants someone to talk about them with, let me know because I have no clue what’s going on and it’s driving me crazy.

Winter training lasted only a month or so longer, and during that time we trained in the harsh conditions of the weather while I grew more and more frustrated with Reiner. After our kiss, we went through cycles of being friendly and distant. This was almost entirely dependent on the mood Reiner was in. It wasn’t like he acted extremely different, but rather he wasn’t sure of what to think in this step in our relationship. Sometimes I felt like he didn’t want to acknowledge what happened and just be friends, and sometimes I felt like he didn’t want to acknowledge me.

  
He never made it too obvious when he was trying to avoid spending time with me, but I could tell. I already knew Reiner well enough to tell, but I didn’t quite know him well enough to know the best way to fix it considering I wasn’t entirely sure what the problem was. He was the one that kissed me, and now he was the one being weird about it. I also wasn’t sure if he regretted his action because I didn’t make it apparent enough that I was interested too, or if he had completely rethought his decision and decided he wasn’t interested anymore. I couldn’t decide on how to proceed because I didn’t want to risk hurting him, but was also deathly afraid of getting hurt and rejected more than I already was.

  
So on the day of our return to the training camp, I decided my best bet was Bertholdt. It was a resort I didn’t want to use because of Bertholdt’s own feelings toward Reiner. He had probably been heartbroken over Reiner for years and this would be like a knife to his heart, but I also remembered what Bertholdt had said about thinking I could make Reiner happy. From what I could tell, Reiner meant the world to Bertholdt and his happiness was what Bertholdt cared about most. And it wasn’t that Reiner didn’t also love Bertholdt, but rather Reiner had a strong brotherly love for Bert. And I knew that hurt Bert, he didn’t have to say anything, but still I figured it was probably better than Reiner being indifferent.

  
I also thought at the time that Bert would be okay because we were just teenage kids. Bert loved Reiner because he was the first and closest friend he had. As he grew up, he would meet other people that he could get close to and fall in love with, even if Reiner only ever saw him as his best friend.

  
On our first day back, we got free time to rest for the rest of the day. The weather was still too cold to comfortably lounge outside, so I ended up relaxing in an empty classroom with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. I sat cross legged on top of a desk reading while Armin sat in the chair in front of me reading a book of his own and Mikasa and Eren did strength building exercises towards the front of the room.

  
“Today’s a rest day, you know,” I called to them. “Rest days don’t serve their purpose if you work on them.”

  
“You’re one to talk,” responded Armin. “Isn’t that a book about the history of the Survey Corps?”

  
“And? I think it’s interesting, if not a little depressing. I’m on the eighteenth expedition, and this only has up to the twenty eighth. It was written by combining several firsthand accounts of the expeditions and missions the Survey Corps goes on.”

  
“It’ll take you all day to finish that book. It takes us only forty minutes to exercise,” pointed out Mikasa.

  
“I didn’t say I was going to finish it today. I started this book way back before we left for winter training.”

  
“After training in the mountains, that felt like a rest,” said Eren as he sat down next to Armin while wiping his face with the bottom of his shirt. Mikasa came up beside me and sat on the desk with me.

  
“You’re already done?”

  
“I said it only took us forty minutes.”

  
I looked at Armin, who wrinkled his eyebrows like me and said, “It’s been forty minutes?”

  
“Yeah?” replied Eren. He then nodded at the book Armin was reading. “What are you reading anyway?”

  
“It’s just a novel meant for fun. Rest days are supposed to rest your mind, not just your body,” he said giving me a pointed look.

  
“This is fun to read, too!” I argued, shaking my book at him.

  
“Don’t most Survey Corps expeditions end in a lot of death?” asked Mikasa.

  
“That’s… not the fun part.”

  
“I meant what is that book about, Armin,” clarified Eren.

  
“Well, it’s about a Robin Hood-like character that lives in the underground. He pickpockets soldiers that patrol and visit the underground and uses that money to feed the orphans. It’s mostly about him fighting and hiding from the military police, but it also has a romantic part where he falls for a… well, an employee of a brothel. But the owner of the brothel wouldn’t let her leave so the main character had to fight him, too.”

  
“Wouldn’t someone writing about the underground have to have been to the underground to know enough to write about it? I thought no one could enter or leave there except for the military, with permission,” I asked.

  
Armin shrugged, “The author could be in the military. Doesn’t have any information on him.”

  
“Where do you two get these books from anyway?” questioned Eren.

  
I cocked my head at him, “Uh, the library?”

  
“We have a library?”

  
Armin rolled his eyes, “It’s in this building. Where do you think we went while you and Mikasa picked this room?”

  
“I didn’t think about it.”

  
I chuckled at Eren’s cluelessness while Mikasa said, “Even I knew there was a library.”

  
Armin nodded at Eren, “You should probably visit the library sometime.”

  
“What are you saying?”

  
“I’m saying you need to read more.”

  
Eren playfully shoved Armin and Mikasa and I laughed.

  
“It won’t be that bad Eren. They even have books with pictures,” I teased.

  
“Oh wow. Maybe you’ll find a book on how to get rid of pimples,” he teased back, and I frowned and covered my cheek where the offending blemishes were.

  
“Shut the hell up,” I muttered, and he laughed.

  
The dinner bell rang and we left the classroom while I took Armin’s book from him. “I’ll return these.”

  
“Thanks. Take Eren with you so he can at least say he’s been there.”

  
Eren gave Armin a slightly offended look but followed me without question down a hall in the direction of the library. Once we got inside, I set our books down on the desk in the middle of the room while Eren looked around.

  
“This isn’t anything like any library I remember seeing,” he said.

  
I knew what he meant. Armin and I used to drag Eren with us to the library in Shiganshina when we were kids, and Mikasa when we meet her. That library was much bigger with a wide variety of books lined up on tall shelves that sat in rows across the main room, and had a strict older lady named Mrs. Biggs who always had to shush us for talking too loudly. Outside of the library, Mrs. Biggs was a sweet woman who lived down the street from Armin and I and was friends with our grandfather, but she took the atmosphere and tranquility of the library seriously at work.

  
The library in the training camp was just another room, with shelves of books that lined the walls with a few chairs and desks in the center of the room, and one ‘return desk’ where somebody would come along and return all the books that had been read recently. There was a lot less variety in the books, and a lot less books. Nobody was around to stop anyone from taking the books out of the building, vandalizing them, or talking too loud. Mrs. Biggs would be appalled.

  
I then realized that I hadn’t seen Mrs. Biggs in any of the refugee camps or buildings we had been too. She had probably died back at the attack on Shiganshina, or had been sent out with my grandfather on the recon mission. And her pristine, wonderful library was sitting in Shiganshina, surrounded by mindless titans and collecting dust.

  
Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I said, “Yeah. There isn’t a lot here. Most of these books are about history, military strategy, politics, fighting techniques, and the like. Stuff that would be considered useful by the military. There’s only a few fiction books like the one Armin was reading.”

  
“Do you come here and read a lot?”

  
“Not as much as Armin. I don’t have time like we used to. There’s only so many free hours in the day here and I’d rather spend them with my friends. But I have read a few books on fighting techniques and strategy since we’ve been here.”

  
“Does it work? Does it help you get better?” he asked, his curiosity and interest being pecked.

  
I shrugged, “At fighting? I think it does. Of course, just reading doesn’t help you get better, but I think applying some of the things I read about during training helps.”

  
“Maybe I will visit the library more then. Right now, I’m hungry. Let’s eat.”

  
“That is a marvelous idea.”

  
We walked side by side to the mess hall while Eren informed me of whatever stupid thing Connie, Marco, and Jean had done the night before. We should’ve been by far the last ones getting to dinner, but as we approached I saw Annie was just going in the door. Across the courtyard from us was Reiner and Bertholdt also coming in late and I wondered why they were coming so long after the bell had rung, but then realized we were doing the same as them.

  
I made eye contact with Reiner before Eren and I turned and headed up the stairs and I gave him a smile that he didn’t return. _I guess he’s going to be like that today_ , I thought to myself. _I really need to talk to Bertholdt after dinner and figure out what I did wrong._

  
Eren and I were too far ahead of Reiner and Bertholdt to bother holding open the door for them, so we got our food together and took our places next to Mikasa and Armin respectively. Not long after Eren started talking about reading some of the books about military training and seeing if it could help, two more people joined our table. Reiner sat down next to me and Bertholdt sat across from him next to Eren.

  
“Hey, what did you do two do this afternoon?” asked Armin, greeting them with a smile.

  
Bertholdt answered, “We went for a walk around the outside of the camp. It’s nice to be back here, I didn’t expect to miss the training camp.”

  
“Yeah, who knew that you could miss a place like this?” joked Reiner.

  
I nodded, “I’d much rather stay here for an extra three years than see another drop of snow.”

  
Eren snorted at me, and I smiled at him before Reiner asked, “What did you all do? I saw you and Eren getting to dinner late,” he nudged me as he spoke.

  
Eren answered for me, saying, “We were just sitting in one of the classrooms. Did you know this place has a library?”

  
“Yeah?” said Reiner and Bertholdt together.

  
“I told you everyone knew but you, Eren,” said Mikasa, and Eren ignored her comment before continuing.

  
“It’s real big, but they have all kinds of books about history, military strategy, and-“

  
“Eren, you didn’t even open a book while we were there,” I interrupted.

  
“Maybe, but I am going to go back and read some of them. I may do that this evening actually.”

  
“If you want. I’m probably not,” I replied.

  
“Why not?” he whined, and Armin saved me from answering by agreeing to go with him instead.

  
“I want to finish that novel I started anyway,” he explained.

  
“I’ll go to,” said Mikasa. “I also want to look at these fighting technique books Alex read.”

  
“Fighting technique books?” asked Reiner.

  
I nodded, “Most of the books in there pertain to military training, so I read a few of them. Some of the ones on combat skills were useful, and interesting to apply in actual combat.”

  
“So, that’s another reason why you’re so good, huh?” said Bertholdt.

  
“I don’t know if I’m ‘so good’ but I think it helps?”

  
Bert nodded back at me and we ate in silence for a few moments before Armin started up more conversation. We all talked and laughed together throughout the meal, although I could feel a slight tension coming from Reiner. I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed. If Bertl did, he didn’t seem to let it bother him as he passed jokes with Armin, Eren, and Mikasa. A few times I moved away from the conversation look at him, he was eating his food and half paying attention to the other people at the table with a slightly grumpy look on his face.

  
After dinner I headed out the door with Mikasa while Bertholdt, Armin, and Eren walked in front of us. As they turned off to head towards the library, I waved bye and was about to ask Bertholdt to stay with me, when Reiner called my name from behind me.

  
Turning, I saw him standing back in front of the porch to the mess hall. “Yes?” I asked.

  
“I wanted to keep walking around from earlier. Will you go with me?”

  
I gave him a weak smile, “Of course.”

  
Talking with Reiner had always been easy. The comfort that I usually got from his presence was always something that I cherished. It hurt that one kiss was currently wrecking the natural ease of our friendship. _How do I fix it?_

  
We walked in silence until we got out of the edge of the camp. I realized we were on the same route that I had went on with him, Eren, Armin and Bertholdt the second day of training, towards the cliff overlooking the lake. Before I could say anything about it, though, he spoke.

  
“Do you go to the library often?”

  
“Um, not really. Not enough time. Armin and I used to go to the library back home frequently.”

  
He nodded and paused for a moment before continuing, “I have no right to say anything, I haven’t been as close to you lately as I was, but were you and Eren really just looking at the library before dinner?”

  
“Huh?” I said, bewildered. That wasn’t what I expected him to ask.

  
“What were you and Eren doing?” he asked again, looking straight ahead and not meeting my gaze. I could see from the moonlight that his cheeks were a little flushed.

  
_He’s jealous?_ I thought to myself, and then felt a small wave of anger go through me. It would be one thing if he had actual followed through after the kiss and not tried to cut me off, but he had no business being jealous of me spending time with Eren when he didn’t want to spend time with me himself.

  
“You _don’t_ have a right to say anything. But we were just at the library. Armin and I were reading, and he wanted to know where we got the books from, so I showed him.”

  
“I see,” he muttered, and I continued.

  
“Do you admit that you’ve been avoiding me then? Ever since you kissed me, you’ve been acting like you don’t want to be around me. We used to spend so much time together, and then you kiss me in the snow at sunrise, avoid me for over a month, and then get jealous when you see me walking around with another guy. And said guy is _Eren_ , one of my best friends since childhood, who I’ve told you before I think of as my second brother.”

  
“I was avoiding you after that, but….”

  
“But what?”

  
“I asked you to walk with me so I could say that I’m sorry for that. I was wrong.”

  
“Huh?” I said, bewildered again. This conversation was going nowhere that I expected it to. “Why’d you do it in this first place?”

  
“Well, you see…” he trailed off, shook his head and started again. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that kiss in the snow at sunrise any more than you were. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences. In fact, I don’t think I ever think about it when I’m with you, but I don’t need to be in a relationship right now. I don’t need to fall in love. That’s why I was avoiding you. And I’m sorry, I know I confused you, and it probably felt like I was playing with your feelings. That was never my intention, either.”

  
“So-“

  
“Wait, I’m not done explaining.”

  
I nodded, and he took a breath and continued, “But I can’t help myself when I’m around you, and I can hardly keep myself from not being around you. It takes too much energy to fight something that feels so right, you know? And seeing you walking and happy with Eren, even if you say he’s like your brother, I realized that I couldn’t bear it if I gave up… whatever this is, and you found something with someone else.”

  
I floundered on how to respond to that. How does someone respond to something like that? What he just said was probably something that the main character from Armin’s book would say to his love interest, not something that real people say.

  
So I just focused on the part that mattered the most to me, grabbed Reiner’s hand and said, “So, this feels right to you too?”

  
We reached the end of the trail and ended up back on the cliff overlooking the lake. It looked just as beautiful and majestic as I remembered from around a year and a half ago, but I couldn’t make myself pay attention to it when Reiner used the hand he was holding to pull me closer to him so he could lean down and press his forehead to mine.

  
“Yes, of course it does.”

  
I pushed myself forward and wrapped my arms around his neck while pressing my lips to his. I had no clue what I was doing, this was only my second kiss, and I knew very little about how it really worked. I did know that your lips weren’t supposed to stay still, so I moved my lips a little across his and parted and closed them. That must’ve been at least sort of right, because he responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and moving his lips in correspondence to mine. It felt good and as our mouths moved together I felt butterflies and sparks fly about in my stomach.

  
When I opened my lips again to try and get a better angle on his, he slide his tongue just inside my mouth enough to touch my front teeth and tease the top of my own tongue. The sparks and butterflies in my stomach caught fire, and I wanted more. I pressed myself closer to him, trying to deepen the kiss. I moved my arms from his neck down so I could feel the muscles on his chest through his shirt. He responded by removing his mouth from mine and a pang of disappointment hit me before he pressed his lips against my neck.

  
I had never even realized how sensitive that part of the body was until he kissed and licked the side of my neck and collarbone. I let out a soft moan when he kissed a spot near the crook of my neck that felt like heaven.

  
Reiner pulled away from neck to catch his breath, and I realized that I was breathing hard, too. As I stared at his golden eyes, I felt a small smile creep its way on to my face. I was just too happy about what had just happened to not smile. He returned it with his one-sided smile that, whether he knew it or not, always made me melt. I buried my face in my chest and started laughing.

  
“What? What’s so funny?” I could feel the vibrations from deep voice, and I shook my head against his chest.

  
“I don’t even know. I’m just happy.”

  
His hand rubbed my back and he said, “Me too.”

  
I pulled away from his embrace and asked, “What do you want to do now?”

  
“Well, I want to take things slow. Let’s just sit and talk like we did before, and look at this beautiful view. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and-“

  
“I didn’t mean right now, Reiner. But that does sound nice.” I sat down on the cold ground and was thankful I had been wearing a jacket when we left because the separation from Reiner’s body reminded me of how cold nights in early March could be.

  
He sat on the ground close to me, and I could still feel his body heat against my shoulder and I leaned into him so my head rested against his shoulder. “What were you asking about then?” he asked softly.

  
“Like, tomorrow, you know? When normal training starts again and we’re with other people. Do you want to tell people we’re a couple?”

  
“We are a couple now, aren’t we?” he asked.

  
“Yeah, I’d say so,” I chuckled. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, though, you know? There are other couples in the Cadet Corps, and I don’t really care if other people know, but….”

  
“You don’t want to feel weird about it,” he finished for me. “I wasn’t planning on any PDA, if that’s what you’re worried about, and I don’t want to make it weird either. Let’s just act normal, and let everyone figure it out for themselves.”

  
“That works for me.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College has definitely managed to keep me busy this month, and so has being home for Thanksgiving. However, I was able to work on this chapter here and there. Hopefully y’all like it, and hopefully I can start working on this more frequently again after finals. Happy late Thanksgiving!

After a while of sitting on the cliff in peace, Reiner announced that it was probably best to head back and get some sleep eventually. He stood up and took my hand to help me to my feet and lead me away from the cliff back to the path that lead back. I didn’t really want to go to bed yet, but I know he was right. I had learned from experience that I didn’t like late nights when I had an early morning waiting for me the next day.

  
“You know, you and your brother do look a lot alike.”

  
I thought that was an odd comment to make randomly, but I went along with it, “Well we are twins.”

  
“I know. But you and your brother could pass for identical twin sisters.”

  
“Are you saying Armin looks like a girl?”

  
“Uh, yeah?” he said and I huffed. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”

  
“I didn’t know that because he doesn’t.”

  
“He does. It’s his hair that does it mostly, you know. His height doesn’t help, but it’s mostly the hair.”

  
“Connie’s shorter than him!” I pointed out. “And so am I!”

  
He squeezed my hand and said, “Don’t get mad, princess. I didn’t mean there was anything wrong with it.”

  
“I’m not mad,” I huffed.

  
“You sure?”

  
I gave him a side glance and saw him looking back at me with his adorable smile and I couldn’t help but return it. His grin grew wider and he continued, “Anyway, I mentioned it cause I wanted to ask you something, but don’t get mad at me.”

  
“No promises,” I teased and he rolled his eyes.

  
“Why that haircut? Is he trying to look like a girl on purpose? Cause that’s an awful haircut, even for a girl.”

  
I shook my head, “He doesn’t try to look like a girl on purpose, and he doesn’t look like one. But I never really liked that style either. There’s a story behind it, though.”

  
We walked in silence for a few more seconds before he squeezed my hand again, “Well? Are you going to tell me the story?”

  
I sighed and nodded, “Sure. I’ve told you about my parents before, yeah?”

  
He nodded and said, “A little bit. Just that they died when you were young.”

  
“They died when we were three, so there isn’t much else I can tell you about them. I don’t even remember what they looked like, but that’s not the point. Before they died, my grandfather told us that my mother always insisted on being the one to cut mine and Armin’s hair. She cut our hair the exact same, in the haircut Armin still has now. Of course, it looks awful, but she thought it was adorable, and I guess when we were toddlers it did. After they died, our grandfather kept getting our haircut like that. We were so weird looking then,” I laughed, remembering. “If you think we look alike now, you couldn’t have been able to tell us apart then.”

  
“I can imagine. I bet you were cute,” he smiled.

  
I shook my head, “We were weird, Reiner. We were twins who looked just alike, and did everything together. Remember how I said we didn’t get along with the other kids? Before we met Eren, we were our only friends. We used to walk around holding hands and only playing with ourselves. When we got to be about eight years old I got tired of being picked on for my haircut and asked to grow my hair out like the other girls. Armin, though, he always insisted on keeping his hair that way for mom. He was always braver than me.”

  
Reiner paused for a minute before saying, “I’m sorry.”

  
“For what? I said I think the haircut is horrible, too. Don’t worry about it.”

  
He nodded and I squeezed his hand this time, and I got a small smile in return. “So, you said you don’t even remember your parents’ faces?”

  
“Yeah…. I know my dad looked like my grandfather. He was my dad’s dad. And supposedly me and Armin look like our mom, but we have Dad’s eyes. When I try to picture them in my head, though, I can’t. When I try to picture ‘mom’ I come up with Eren’s mom. She taught me a lot of stuff mothers are supposed to teach their daughters, you know.”

  
“That’s good. It’s good that you had her, I mean, and your grandfather.”

  
I nodded and said, “He told me lots of stories about them. Like how they met, and what they did. You know, you haven’t told me much about your parents either. Is it… hard to talk about?”

  
We were nearing the training camp, and I didn’t want this conversation to be just about me. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Reiner Braun and his childhood, and I couldn’t do that if I just talked about myself.

  
“Well, it’s a little hard to talk about, but not for why you’d think. Have I mentioned them to you before?”

  
“You said they were separated before you were born.”

  
“That’s right. I never properly met my dad. He abandoned us. My mom wasn’t quite right, though. She… she didn’t want to accept that he left us of his own volition, so she convinced herself he didn’t. I grew up being told that he loved us and would be proud of me, he just couldn’t be with us. But then one day, I did happen to meet him, and I found out that was all a lie in a rather rude way.”

  
I looked up at him in shock, “I’m so sorry, Reiner, I had no idea.”

  
He shook his head, “You didn’t know, it’s okay.”

  
“How did you meet him? Was that before or after the titans?”

  
“Oh, er- yeah. Yeah, it was after that. He left us by skipping towns, and I uh… I ran into him in one of the refugee camps. I look like him, see, except for my mother’s hair, so we recognized each other when we saw each other. I was elated to find him finally, but he didn’t want much to do with me.”

  
“What a bastard. You’re better off without a father like that.”

  
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, “You think?”

  
“Yeah. I mean, being an orphan refugee sucks, I know from experience. But that man is cruel. You were his kid, and he turned you away after all you had been through. Even if he had accepted you, you would’ve found out he was cruel in some other way. And look at you, Reiner! You’re almost grown and turned out perfectly fine. More than fine, you’re great.”

  
“If you say so, princess,” he said. We had reached the edge of camp, and we could tell that we had missed light’s out, so we stayed just outside of vision from the instructor’s cabin as we snuck around to the other side of the camp so we could reach the barracks without being spotted.

  
“Thank you,” he whispered.

  
I smiled and said, “For what?”

  
“I don’t know, for being you?”

  
I tried to play off my red face by flipping my hair and whispering, “I try.”

  
“One day, I want to hear all about how your parents met, and about your granddad, and Eren’s mom, and every other thing there is to know about you,” he whispered as he kissed my forehead. He was saying exactly what I had been thinking about him before, and a feeling of happiness overwhelmed me as I smiled up at him.

  
“Only if you promise to tell me more of your stories. Maybe more about your mom?”

  
“I’ll suppose I can try,” he said, and I smiled got on the tip of my toes to get one last kiss from him before we said goodnight.

When I woke up the next morning, I sat up and stretched with a smile. I got out of bed easily and was ready for the day before Mikasa was even halfway dressed. We still got up an hour earlier than everyone else to exercise before breakfast, although I had refused to do it that winter in the mountains. The cold had made me cherish sleep and I didn’t particularly care about going out to run or train in the snow.

  
Mikasa was probably surprised that I woke up on my own at all after a few months of waking up with everyone else, and was even more surprised to see me so awake and energetic. On a normal day I wasn’t normally fully awake until halfway through our workout, but that morning I was able to get going easy.

  
“What’s gotten into you?” she asked.

  
I smiled at her and said, “I don’t know. Just ready for the day.”

  
Mikasa shrugged, “Alright then.”

  
That day we only ran laps together around the perimeter of the camp. I’d guessed we had ran about eight to ten kilometers before going to rinse off before breakfast. By the time we got to the mess hall for breakfast, a few people had already arrived. I got a cup of coffee and a plate and sat at a table already claimed by Mina and Annie, who were becoming closer friends lately. I think they had similar sense of humor, and clicked through that.

  
“Good morning, Mina! Good morning, Annie!”

  
“G’mornin’,” yawned Mina, who was never fully awake before eight.

  
Annie nodded at me as Mikasa sat down across from her next to me. “You seem happy this morning? What’s that about?”

  
“I’m always happy,” I smiled back.

  
“No you’re not,” said Mikasa.

  
Annie nodded, and it was probably the first time I had ever seen her agree with Mikasa, “You’re never happy this early in the day.”

  
“I just woke up in a good mood,” I said defensively. “Do you know what those are, Annie?”

  
She rolled her eyes, and Mina snorted into her cup of coffee.

  
“Oh, I’ve heard of them before,” Annie said with a sarcastic tone while nodding her head solemnly. “I generally try to avoid them. They say when you get into a ‘good mood’ you turn into a ditsy blonde with a big, annoying mouth.”

  
“You’re blonde, too, you know,” I said, but I still smiled and laughed with Mikasa and Mina. I liked when Annie joked, even when it was at my expense.

  
Eventually we were joined by Christa, Ymir, and Sasha, and the rest of the mess hall filled with all the other cadets. Mostly everyone seemed content with returning to the same old routine instead of being up north in the snowy mountains. Of course, the same old routine wouldn’t be the same without the two resident hotheads going at each other.

  
We were a few tables down from where the boys sat, so I didn’t catch what exactly started the fight. I did happen to be facing them, so I could see Jean and Eren stand together, glare at each other for a moment, and then lunge. This time they both got in a few good punches before Reiner stepped in between them and forced them apart. Reiner was bigger enough than the both that he could shove them both off him and away from each other. After the fight was over, I could see Reiner giving them both disapproving looks and a short lecture about fighting at meals. This was also apart of the same old routine.

  
After breakfast, I found Reiner and Bertholdt in the crowd headed towards the main courtyard. “Good morning,” I said cheerily.

  
“Good morning,” said Bertholdt with a nod while Reiner just smiled at me.

  
“How was the library?” I asked Bert, who shrugged.

  
“It was all right. How was your walk?”

  
I hesitated, but realized that Reiner had probably told him that he came back late because he went on a walk with me. I wondered if Reiner had told him about what we had talked about. I hoped he hadn’t told Bertholdt about kissing me. Bertholdt was the reason I had asked we not be obvious about it. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings if I didn’t have to. Bert was Reiner’s best friend, though, and probably didn’t think that telling him was a problem.

  
“It was all right,” I answered. “A little boring, really.”

  
“Oh? Reiner didn’t think so,” he responded.

  
Reiner cleared his throat and changed the subject, “Eren and Jean, huh? When do you think they’ll ever quit?”

  
“Never hopefully, it’s the most entertaining part of my morning,” I said.

  
Bert gave a little laugh, “Eren and Jean will never get along. You might as well stop trying.”

  
“I don’t care about them getting along, I just want them to stop throwing fists at each other every time they’re within two meters of each other. It’s ridiculous. They’re going to get in trouble with Shadis,” he grumbled.

  
“You were should let them,” I said. “It’d make my day. And who knows? Maybe if you let them beat each other senseless and then get in trouble with Shadis they’ll quit fighting for a while.”

  
“I thought Eren was your friend?” asked Bert. “Why would Eren getting beat senseless and then getting in trouble make your day?”

  
“Because he’s my friend.”

  
“Jeez. Don’t know if I’d want to be your friend then.”

  
“Too late! You’re already my friend!” I playfully punched Bert’s arm while Reiner laughed.

  
Not long after that we had to line up at attention while Instructor Shadis addressed us, and we fell back into the same old routine for the last year of our training.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone felt the awkward I tried so hard to convey in this chapter. Cause, you know, what are finals? What are responsibilities? Who knows?

“Reiner, no.”

  
“But princess, why not?” Reiner whined.

  
I shook my head while facing away from him, “Because we’ll get caught.”

  
“Alex, we’re the only ones here. Besides, it’s just kissing,” he said innocently before bending down to kiss the sweet spot on my neck. I gasped softly, and I felt him smile against my skin.

  
“I won’t let you get in trouble, princess. I just want a few kisses from my beautiful girlfriend.”

  
“Well,” I sighed, turning to look him in the eye, “I guess when you put it like that…”

  
Every week two cadets worked together to clean the offices and barracks of Commander Shadis and the other instructors. Usually I did this job with Hannah, but Reiner had offered to do it for her. Hannah hadn’t really questioned it, and Reiner’s cleaning partner had been Franz, who Hannah was more than happy to spend more time with. The only thing we had left to clean was Shadis’ personal quarters, which had a large, comfy bed, a large desk, and a decent sized personal restroom complete with a shower.

  
I leaned in gladly when Reiner kissed me, and I felt my head swim when his kisses became more urgent. I felt Reiner’s hands grab my thighs as he leaned down further, and then picked me up as if I weighed nothing. I grabbed his hips with my legs for extra support, but Reiner sat me back down on Shadis’ desk soon after he picked me up.

  
I felt myself getting a little excited. Kissing in the Commander’s private room on his desk was probably the most rebellious thing I had ever done. I wasn’t much of a rule breaker, but it seemed that every time I did, Reiner was involved somehow.

  
As he moved down to kiss more of my neck, Reiner’s hands started to tease the edges of my shirt. He reached underneath and ran his fingers along the skin on my hips and stomach. As always when he did this, I pulled back. I pushed myself off the desk and walked back to the side of the room with the cleaning supplies.

  
Reiner never seemed exasperated with me when I did this, though. He simply stroked my hair and said, “Sorry, princess. We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to.”

  
I nodded and motioned to the cleaning supplies, “Let’s hurry up and finish our job so we can relax, yeah?”

  
My reluctance had nothing to do with Reiner, or not wanting him. My discomfort came from the fact that I didn’t really know what going further meant. Unlike many of my peers, I didn’t know much of anything about pleasure, and that made me nervous. I didn’t know what to expect or what to do, and I hated being in situations like that. I was also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of Reiner.

  
After we finished and left the building, Reiner turned to me and asked, “Are you excited?”

  
“Huh? Excited for what?”

  
“For Trost? We’ll be going in a few days. They say we’ll have plenty of downtime to relax and explore the city while we’re there.”

  
“Oh! It’s exciting, I suppose. It’s definitely been a while since I’ve been in a city.”

  
“That’s right, I forget you grew up in one of the walled cities. Trost must not be that exciting for someone like you,” he teased.

  
“It’s not my fault I’m not a country bumpkin like you,” I said while sticking my tongue.

  
Reiner laughed at me and said, “Hey, where are you going?”

  
“I was going to go read before dinner. Are you coming?”

  
He shrugged, “Why not?”

  
When we got into the library, I was surprised to see Armin and Eren already there, reading books at a desk in the middle of the room.

  
“Done with cleaning?” asked Armin.

  
“Yep, finally,” Reiner responded while pulling out a chair to sink into.

  
Eren glanced up from his book, “Reiner, this isn’t your day to clean, is it?”

  
“Nah.”

  
“Why’d you clean on a day you didn’t have to?” Eren asked, obviously confused.

  
I saw Armin nudge him and give him a look.

  
“What?”

  
“I’ll explain it to you later,” whispered Armin, although I heard from where I stood at the bookshelves behind them, and I was sure Reiner heard him, too.

  
I had read most of the books about fighting strategies, so I grabbed one of the few books dedicated towards using 3DMG gear. Reiner got up and started browsing the shelves, probably to avoid the awkward atmosphere around Armin and Eren. It had been almost two months since Reiner and I had gotten together, and our plan to keep it low key had failed. I was pretty sure that oblivious Eren was the only one who still didn’t know.  
I sat down at the table across from Eren and Armin and said, “What are you two reading?”

  
Armin waved the cover of his book, and I was surprised to see that he wasn’t reading a fiction book, but rather one on politics. Eren was reading one of the war strategy books I had already read.

  
“You were right, Alex, reading these books actually has helped me improve,” stated Eren.

  
“Yeah,” I responded sarcastically, “It’s like reading a book about a subject will give you more knowledge on that subject, or something. It’s amazing how that works.”

  
“We’ll need to read a lot of books, Eren,” said Reiner as he sat down again with a book of his own in his hands, “to compete with these two in the classroom.”

  
“My scores aren’t that high,” I objected. “Armin’s the one that blows everyone out of the water.”

  
“Don’t be modest,” Armin blushed. “It’s not that great.”

  
I smiled and looked back down at my book. I knew Armin was the true modest one, though. He never seemed to be able to admit to how smart and talented he really was.

  
After a while, the dinner bell rang, and we went to the mess hall. I split up with boys from there and sat down at the table where Sasha and the rest of the girls where.

  
“Alex!” Sasha yelled in my ear, making me jump. “I haven’t seen you all day. Where have you been?”

  
“With Reiner,” said Mina with a smirk.

  
I rolled my eyes, “I had cleaning duty today, so I was stuck doing chores all day.”

  
“Aww,” said Sasha. “I hate cleaning duty.”

  
I nodded and began eating.

  
“Don’t feel too bad for her,” Ymir smiled. “I heard Reiner switched days with Hannah. I bet her afternoon wasn’t really that boring.”

  
I ignored the laughter and teasing of the girls around me, but I could feel my face turning red.

  
“Don’t be so embarrassed,” chuckled Mina. “I had interesting afternoon, too, you know.”

  
“Thomas?” asked Annie.

  
“Yes!” she gushed. “It was so romantic! We went out to that lake again.”

  
“Well?” prodded Christa when she didn’t continue. “What did you two do out there?”

  
“That’s personal,” Mina teased with a mischievous glint in her eye.

  
“Why did you bring it up if you weren’t going to tell us details?” grumbled Annie.

  
I giggled. It never failed to make me happy when I saw Annie participating in the “girl talk” that she had admonished me for before.  
Mina shook her head and said, “I won’t give you too many details, but I will say that I am no longer apart of the V-squad.” She finished smugly and this inspired a lot of excitement from around the table.

  
“Wait, really?” cried Sasha. “Tell us everything!”

  
“Was it good?” asked Ymir.

  
Christa looked more shocked than anyone else at the table, “You used protection, didn’t you?”

  
I pieced together what Mina had meant, and looked at her in admiration. Maybe she could answer my questions, I thought to myself.

  
“It was amazing!” she exclaimed, and then quieted her voice when she realized we were catching the attention of the other tables. “They always say the first time is the worst, you know? But I thought it was good! Maybe that means the next times will be even better.”

  
“You used protection, didn’t you?” repeated Christa with a more urgent tone in her voice.

  
“Yes, I used protection, I’m not stupid,” she answered.

  
“How big was he?” asked Sasha, and that question I didn’t follow.

  
Mina held her hands apart what appeared to be around 12 centimeters, “About that big. That’s not bad is it?”

  
Annie shook her head, “I think that’s about average.”

  
Mina turned to me, “How big is Reiner’s, Alex? Is he bigger or smaller?”

  
I felt heat rush to my face as I stammered, “I, uh, I don’t… Um…”

  
“Oh,” said Mina, “Really? But haven’t you been together for months?”

  
“Less than two,” I corrected.

  
“Wait, what?” asked Sasha. “I thought you two were closing in on a year together?”

  
“No? Who said that?” I asked.

  
“Everyone has thought you two have been dating since at least before the winter training trip,” explained Annie.

  
“Really?” I exclaimed, and they all nodded. So not only did our attempts to be low key fail, they were failed before we even started.

  
“There’s nothing wrong with keeping it slow, anyway,” assured Mina, patting my hand. “As long as you’re comfortable.”

  
I thought about telling them then about my ignorance, but decided to wait until that night in the barracks where there wouldn’t be so many people listening in.

  
After dinner, I spoke for a few minutes with Bertholdt and Reiner before telling them goodnight and that I was going to bed early.

  
When I got in the barracks, I saw it was half empty, but Mina, Christa, Ymir, and Mikasa were already inside. I got dressed for bed quickly and called them over to mine and Mikasa’s bed.

  
“There’s something I want to ask you all about,” I announced, “but you have to promise not to make fun of me.”

  
“I don’t make promises like that,” answered Ymir, but after getting hit in the ribs by Christa, she said, “I promise.”

  
Mikasa and Mina nodded, and I took a breath, “Okay. The truth is, I haven’t done anything more with Reiner than kiss him. Not because I don’t want to do more, I just don’t really know what more is, and I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

  
“Okay,” Mina nodded. “What exactly do you not know?”

  
“Please tell me you know about sex,” demanded Ymir, and I nodded.

  
“I know about sex… sort of? When I first started bleeding in the refugee camps, one of the older ladies explained to Mikasa and I what sex is and why we bleed, but that’s honestly all I know.”

  
“Oh,” said Mina, nodding solemnly. “That’s okay. We’ll help you. Do you need to know anything Mikasa?”

  
“Well,” said Mikasa, who looked very uncomfortable with the conversation, “I don’t know anything more than Alex, so I guess?”

  
“Okay, uh…” Mina looked at Ymir and Christa, who both looked sort of lost, too.

  
Just then Sasha walked inside, and Mina yelled across the room, “Sasha! Come here!”

  
“What’s up?” she yawned, and Mina quickly explained the situation to her.

  
“I don’t know where to start,” explained Mina.

  
Sasha looked at me with wide eyes and I hid my face in my hands.

  
“No, no, no, don’t be embarrassed!” Sasha said grabbing my hands. “It’s okay! So, you said that you haven’t done anything more than kiss him?”

  
“That’s right,” I nodded.

  
“So, what comes after that is called foreplay,” explained Sasha. “To me, it’s the best part.”

  
“Have you and Connie…?” I wondered aloud.

  
“Yeah,” her face turned slightly pink. “Wait, let me back up, the best advice I could give you is to talk to Reiner about this.”

  
“I don’t want him to laugh at me- “

  
“Do you see us laughing at you?” asked Sasha, and I shook my head.

  
“I didn’t know much about all this either, not long ago. But Connie and I talked about it, and he didn’t know much either, just what other guys had told him. So, we figured it out together, and I think that made it better. Reiner’s crazy for you, he won’t get mad or make fun of you.”

  
I swallowed and nodded again, “Okay, but still, it’d make me feel better if you could tell me a little bit. Just so I’m not completely clueless.”

  
Mina grabbed my hand, “Ask us anything you want, and we’ll answer.”

  
The other girls nodded, and I started, “What is foreplay?”

  
“Foreplay is what comes before sex,” answered Sasha.

  
“Usually, you get undressed during foreplay, but really you can do whatever you want,” added Mina.

  
As Mina, Sasha, and Ymir explained the different things you can do during foreplay, my head spun. It was a lot to take in.

  
“You don’t know much about your own body, do you?” asked Ymir.

  
“No,” I admitted.

  
“It’s important to touch yourself and get to know yourself first. How is he supposed to know what you like, if you don’t?”

  
I looked at Mikasa, who nodded, “That makes sense, but…” from the look on her face I knew that she was wondering the same thing as me.

  
“Masturbation,” clarified Mina, “is a completely normal and healthy practice. Since we all sleep here in one room, you should probably try it in the shower.”

  
“Connie says some of the boys do it at night under the covers, and it’s really obvious,” Sasha added. “Can you imagine how gross that would be if girls did that?”

  
“Gross?” I inquired. “I thought Mina just said it was normal and healthy?”

  
“It is,” assured Christa. “But it’s… well, it’s personal.”

  
“When you’re alone in the shower, just try touching your lady parts and figure out for yourself what works,” explained Ymir. “As you probably already know, I can’t help you much about knowing about a man’s body, but I can answer questions about a woman’s body.”

  
“Right,” I said. “But I don’t know much of anything about a man’s body, either. What were you all talking about at dinner, about how big Reiner and Thomas were?”

  
“Oh, sweetie, we meant their dicks,” said Mina. “I’m sorry, Alex, if I had known I wouldn’t have put you on the spot before.”

  
Mina went on to explain what a man’s genitals were like and how each were different. She and Sasha then went on to go more in detail about what all you could do with a man’s genitalia during foreplay.

  
“Ew,” I winced. “You put it in your mouth?”

  
“It’s not that bad,” assured Mina. “And they love when you do that.”

  
“Again, you should talk to Reiner to see what he thinks before you go any further,” repeated Sasha.

  
“Has Reiner ever tried to do anything more,” asked Mikasa, who had been listening quietly for most of the conversation.

  
“Not really,” I responded. “Not anything like all that. Sometimes when we’re making out, he touches my hips and stomach under my shirt, but I usually get nervous and stop after that.”

  
“He doesn’t pressure you to keep going?” asked Mina.

  
“No. Did Thomas pressure you?”

  
“No, not him. But I’ve had guys did that before. It’s a good thing that he respects your limits. It means he respects you.”

  
“Okay,” I sighed. “Thank you all so much. You’re the best. I’m just nervous about it.”

  
“It’s okay to be nervous,” smiled Christa while giving me a hug.

  
“If you ever need anything else, come talk to us,” said Mina.

  
“And remember to talk to Reiner,” Sasha put in.

  
“Okay, I will.”

  
Not long after that, the light’s out bell rang and all the girls made their way to their respective beds. I noticed that Annie still hadn’t returned to her bed, but when I questioned Mina, she said that Annie did that sometimes.

  
Someone turned off the main light and I crawled under the covers.

  
“Hey… Alex?” I heard a soft whisper from beside me.

  
“Yeah?” I rolled over to face Mikasa, who was staring at me. I moved a little closer so that we could whisper without bothering anyone else.

  
“Are you serious, about wanting to have sex and all with Reiner?” she whispered.

  
“I mean, I guess? Maybe not like tomorrow, but eventually. Why?”

  
“I just…. I don’t know. Honestly, I haven’t thought about stuff like that before.”

  
“That’s okay. No one says you have to,” I reached out and stroked her hair. Something was bothering her, I just wasn’t sure what.

  
“Do you remember how I came to live with Eren and his parents?” she asked, I thought that was an odd question, but I nodded a yes.

  
“Those men that killed my parents, that’s what they were planning to do with me.”

  
I stayed quiet for a second, before asking, “What?”

  
“Sex. They were planning to sell me for sex. Because I’m Asian, and I’m probably the last Asian. Before Eren found me….” She trailed off, but I figured out what she meant.

  
“Oh my god,” I pulled her into my arms and held her there.

  
“It was a long time ago, Alex. Those men didn’t rape me, they just ‘examined’ me. I didn’t understand any of it at the time, though. But all that talk scared me a little, and I just wanted to tell someone.”

  
“Still, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry,” I whispered into her hair.

  
We were silent for a while, and I realized she had fallen asleep. I sighed and followed her lead.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how long this took to write. I'm home for the holidays, and being home makes it harder to find time to write than I thought. Hope everyone else is enjoying this holiday season!"

I stood on the edge of the building looking out at the mostly evacuated city of Trost. Trost ran routine practice evacuations in preparation for the next time the Colossal and Armor Titan would come since was the most likely site of attack. The 104th trainee squad was present performing a practice drill of our own. The evacuated parts of Trost were full of Titan dummies, and squads of cadets were given specific areas of the city in which to eliminate the titans. Each squad consisted of three people, and my two partners were Bertholdt and Eren.

  
“Is that all of our dummies?” asked Eren.

  
“It looks like it,” responded Bertholdt. “So, do we just sit here and wait until the drill is over now?”

  
“Those were the instructions. Hopefully everyone else will finish soon,” I sighed. I didn’t want to be waiting up on the roofs forever.

  
“I think we completed our mission in good time,” said Bertholdt. “We’ll all get good points for this.”

  
“Yeah,” agreed Eren. “But isn’t it weird how we’re just standing here? In a real attack we would move on to the next area of titans.”

  
I shrugged, “Probably, but it’s also important to trust your commander’s orders.” I gestured up towards the northern edge of the wall, where Commander Pixis was. “In a real situation, we would receive orders on where they would want us to go next, not just move about the city randomly.”

  
“That’s right. This isn’t a real situation, anyway, Eren,” chided Bert.

  
Not long after that, we received the signal that drill was over, and we joined up with the rest of the cadets on the street outside of the military quarters. I followed Bertholdt to where Reiner and Armin were on the other side of the street.

  
As I was about to ask Armin how the drill went for him, a yell interrupted me, “That was playing dirty, you thieving bastards!”

  
“Huh?” I turned to see Jean standing over Sasha and Connie.

  
“I spotted them first!” Jean yelled again.

  
“Playing dirty?” Sasha repeated, with a smirk on her face. “You sure do come out with some bologna, Jean. Do you think there’s an etiquette to hunting?”

  
This made Jean angrier, “Don’t lay some hunter logic on me, Potato Girl.”

  
Sasha mumbled something under breath that sounded like, “Damn. I thought everyone had forgotten about that,” before standing and yelling, “Don’t call me names!”

  
Connie stood up with her, “Yeah! Apologize to her!”

  
At this, Reiner stepped forward, “For one thing, Jean, that was our zone.”

  
I looked back at Armin and Annie, “You all left your zone?”

  
“Jean went forward without us, so we had to follow. We’re supposed to stick together,” explained Armin.

  
Annie scoffed, “We didn’t have to. We could’ve stayed behind, and then he would’ve been the one diverging from the group. But anyway, he was trying to get brownie points, and now he’s mad it didn’t work.”

  
I looked back at the scene just as Jean raised a fist and Sasha and Connie assumed their signature faux fighting poses, which made me chuckle.

  
“Stop it,” cut in Reiner. “You too, Jean. You’ll never make the Military Police like this.”

  
Not wrong, I thought to myself as Jean lowered his fists. “Tomorrow,” he announced, “I’ll get more targets than all of you!”

  
“Interesting!”

  
Everyone turned towards the new voice approaching the scene, and immediately saluted when they saw who it was, Commander Pixis.  
“Your fighting spirit is certainly commendable. However, using a training exercise to settle an argument is unacceptable.” He took a swig from his cannister and announced, “Fight by cooking.”

  
Everyone looked at him confused, not sure they heard right. “Huh?”

  
“Fight by cooking!” Pixis said louder.

  
A wave of excitement and confusion went through the crowd behind Pixis. I shared their feelings. This was far more interesting than anything had expected to happen on this trip, but I didn’t quite understand what the commander was thinking.

  
“But, Commander, we’re soldiers!” exclaimed Jean. “Cooking isn’t a part of our- “

  
“Jean, what do you even know about cooking?” demanded Sasha, pointing her hand holding a pear at Jean.

  
“I bet your mom always cooked for you at home,” added in Connie, aggravating Jean even more.

  
“Jean, my boy, I will teach you the true art of cooking!” Sasha emphasized her challenge by taking a big munch of her pear while glaring Jean down.

  
Jean, never the one to back down from a challenge, yelled back, “Fine! Cooking, cleaning, I’ll do whatever you want! But if I win, you have to stay out of my way forever!”

  
“Excellent!” smiled Pixis. “The contest will take place tonight. Both of you will cook and serve a main dish for dinner. Bring your best dishes forward!”

  
Cheers abrupted from the crowd along with yells of excitement. “Well,” I laughed, turning back to Annie and Armin, “looks like you two will have a fun afternoon.”

  
Armin laughed, and I could see the excitement reaching his eyes, too.

  
Annie responded nonchalantly, “I suppose it’s better than doing nothing.”

  
Sasha and Jean left in opposite directions with their respective groups, and the rest of the trainees started to leave as well to spend their free time doing whatever they want.

  
I met with Eren and Mikasa, who had been watching the scene from further off. “What do you two want to do for the rest of the morning?”

  
“Uh, I don’t know,” said Eren. “What was all that about a cook off?”

  
I waved my hand at him, “Jean and Sasha were fighting because Jean went into their zone trying to get more dummies for points, but Sasha stole them all from him.”

  
“Man,” grumbled Eren. “What a jerk. He would disobey orders to try and get more points.”

  
“You think that wouldn’t get you more points, though,” commented Mikasa.

  
“Whatever, it’s not our business what points Jean gets,” I shrugged.

  
Eren nodded and mumbled, “Wish he’d get none, though.”

  
Mikasa changed the subject, “Do you want to go ahead and visit Isabelle again at the orphanage, or wait for Armin?”

  
“I think we should wait until tomorrow so Armin can go. We agreed we’d all go together. Let’s go window shopping, or something. Just walk around the city?”

  
Mikasa and Eren nodded and we started to head towards the center of town when Eren stopped and yelled, “Hey Bertholdt!”

  
I turned and saw Bert on the opposite side of the street from us heading in the direction of the military quarters, “Yeah?”

  
“Are you doing anything? You should come with us, we’re going to go walk around the city,” Eren gestured for him to follow us.

  
“Yeah! C’mon Bert!” I nodded at him.

  
He smiled at us and said, “I’m not doing anything, so sure.”

  
We wondered through the busy streets where stands where set up and went in and out the different shops. Trost was a city similar to Shiganshina. Despite being full of people, it was simple enough. The shops sold regular commodities like food, books, clothes, hunting gear, etc. People chatted away happily in the street and children played wherever there was enough room to start a game.

  
After a few hours of exploring, we heard a commotion coming from one of the nearby streets. We decided to go investigate, and food a parade going through the main street featuring the largest boar I had ever seen. On top of the boar was Sasha, looking about the happiest I had ever seen her. Reiner and Connie stood on the float in front of the boar looking proud.

  
“Look at that beast!” exclaimed Eren, looking impressed.

  
I shook my head, impressed myself, “How on earth did they kill that thing?”

  
“How on earth does that thing exist?” added Mikasa, and I had to admit that was a better question.

  
“Do you know those cadets?” an older lady next to us asked.

  
“Yes, they’re our friends,” answered Bertholdt.

  
“They must be so brave. That boar is known as the ‘Colossal Boar’ and has been terrorizing the forest outside of the city for years. I’m so glad they were able to get it!”

  
“’Colossal Boar’, huh?” commented Bertholdt.

  
“It is a fitting name,” I admitted.

  
“It’s making light of the Colossal Titan,” said Eren.

  
“So?” asked Mikasa. “It’s just a name, isn’t it?”

  
Eren struggled to respond before saying, “I guess.”

  
“We should be going back anyway. It’s almost lunch,” I said, and Bertholdt nodded in agreement.

  
After we got back, a few of the garrison soldiers stopped us before going inside. “Hey, you lot, you’ve had a free morning since that evacuation drill, right? You know we’ve been working hard all day, right?”

  
Eren and Mikasa stopped to answer the soldier, but I grabbed Bertholdt’s arm and pulled him with me to mess hall while the rest were distracted.  
“Shouldn’t we have stopped, too?” asked Bertholdt.

  
I shook my head, “Nah, those guys can’t get us in trouble. Sounds like they’re trying to get us to do their work for them, anyway.”

  
The hall inside was dark and cool, which I was grateful for after being in the sun all day.

  
“Reiner, Connie, and Sasha beat us here,” said Bert, pointing to the other side of the hall where sure enough, they sat.

  
I blinked in surprise, “How? They were just parading that gigantic boar through the town!”

  
Bertholdt shrugged and motioned for me to follow him. When we got there, Sasha’s happy smile greeted us, “Hey guys! You’ll never guess what we did this morning!"

  
“Oh really? I think I can,” I responded with a laugh while I sat down on one side of Reiner, and Bertholdt on the other.

  
Connie smirked, “Try it.”

  
“You hunted and killed a massive boar, probably to have meat for the cooking contest.”

  
“What?” exclaimed Sasha. “How’d you guess?”

  
“She didn’t have to guess,” sighed Bertholdt. “You all paraded the boar through the middle of the town. How could anyone miss that?”

  
“True,” commented Reiner as he took a sip of his soup. I realized then that Bertholdt and I hadn’t gotten our food before sitting down, but decided it could wait a few more minutes.

  
“But how’d you kill it, though?” I asked. “That thing was impressive. They don’t call it colossal for nothing!”

  
“Right?” said Sasha. “We chased it using the 3DMG and I killed with an arrow.”

  
“Wait, you killed that thing with an arrow? As in just one?” Bert looked at Reiner, “Did I hear that right?”

  
Reiner nodded, “Sasha’s aim and tenacity when hunting is impressive.”

  
“Whoa, that’s crazy. It must’ve been dangerous, though. I’ll bet that thing was scary when it was alive. The townspeople said it’s been terrorizing the area for years,” I said.

  
“Maybe it would’ve been frightening for some people,” huffed Reiner, “but it was no big deal for me. It’s not everyday you see a beast of that size, but it still didn’t faze us.”

  
“Reiner, you tried to run away as soon as you laid eyes on it,” Sasha rolled her eyes.

  
“Yeah,” laughed Connie. “And when we attacked it, you stayed at least ten meters back from us.”

  
“Shut up! Don’t tell people that!” Reiner glared at them while Bertholdt and I joined in on Connie laughing.

  
“Is Jean Kirstein in here?”

  
Most of the room turned to look at the front, where one of our superiors was standing at the entrance. Jean got up and stood in front of him, saluting, “Yes sir! I am he!”

  
“Your mother is here to see you.”

  
“Huh?”

  
A middle-aged woman who must’ve been Jean’s mother walked into the room and towards Jean, “Jean-boy! Why haven’t you come home yet? Mrs. Wagner’s boy, Thomas, has already come home! You really are a problem child.”

  
Everyone in the room started paying attention as soon as Mrs. Kirstein called him “Jean-boy,” and people started whispering the longer she talked. Connie snickered when she called him a problem child.

  
I couldn’t see Jean’s face from where I was, but I could tell he was horrified and embarrassed. Jean’s mother seemed to notice something on Jean’s pants and pulled a handkerchief from her pocket. “Jean boy, did you spill something on you?” She reached forward without waiting for a response and pressed the piece of fabric against Jean’s pants. “You can be so clumsy sometimes.”

  
“Stop it!” Jean yelled. “It’s fine, just go home!”

  
Everyone went quiet after Jean burst out at his mom. The angry tone in his voice surprised me.

  
“Then…” Jean’s mother turned to the nearest table, and I noticed that Eren and Mikasa had come inside and were standing behind Jean’s mom. She took some apples out of her pockets and set them out in front of Eren, “Let me leave these. These are for everyone.”

  
“You don’t need to do that!” Jean sounded like he was getting angrier, and he shoved the apples off the table. I felt myself getting slightly mad, too, at his treatment of her.

  
A few murmurs were heard around the room, and Eren knelt to pick up the apples.

  
His mother looked at him with shock, “Jean-boy!” She then looked around the room at the people surrounding, “I know he’s a problem child, but can everyone please be his friend?”

  
Most of the room stayed quiet and tense as she turned back to Jean, “Oh, I almost forgot, Jean-boy, I brought you your favorite….”

  
“Just go home!” Jean lead his mother up the stairs, and out the door, slamming it behind her.

  
“You should be nicer to your mother, Jean-boy, I mean, Jean,” said Eren.

  
Jean gave him an irritated look and left.

  
A slightly tense atmosphere stayed after Jean’s outburst, but conversation resumed.

  
“Jean has some serious issues,” commented Connie, and nods of agreement went around the table.

  
I sighed, “If the jerk would’ve went to see her himself, she wouldn’t have shown up when he didn’t want her to.”

  
“And he shouldn’t have been that rude to her for wanting to see him,” grumbled Reiner, and I was reminded that like Eren and a few others here, Reiner no longer had a mother.

  
“Why didn’t Jean go see his mom? Was it just because of the competition?” Bert asked.

  
Sasha shook her head, “He said this morning when we got here he wasn’t planning on visiting her. I don’t know why, though.”

  
I chewed on my lip. It rubbed me wrong, but there wasn’t much to be done about it. Saying something to Jean would just make it worst, so I changed the subject, “What are your plans for that meat Sasha?”

  
Her eyes lit up, “I was just thinking about that! There’s so many ways I could cook it, I don’t know what’s best!”

  
As Sasha went on discussing her different ideas with Connie, I went and finally got food with Bertholdt. When we got back, Connie and Sasha had left.

  
“Where’d they go?” asked Bert, to which Reiner shrugged.

  
“Not sure. Something about checking on how cutting the meat is going, and brainstorming ideas. Sasha wanted me to go with them, but I convinced her to let me stay with you two,” he sighed. “She’s taking this very seriously.”

  
“Of course she is,” laughed Bert. “It’s Sasha and food.”

  
Reiner shook his head, “She slapped me and broke down crying.”

  
“She what?” I asked while swallowing a piece of bread.

  
“Well…, okay, maybe I was a little afraid of that boar when I first saw it,” Reiner started, and Bert snorted. Reiner gave him a look before continuing, “So, when I suggested we give up on that boar and try finding something else, she slapped me and went on this rant about hunting and ancestors and all.”

  
I laughed, I could see Sasha doing that, and I could imagine Reiner’s surprised face after she slapped him. “She cried too?”

  
“Yes! I didn’t understand it all, but I told her I’d help her kill the damn thing if she’d stopped crying,” he grumbled.

  
“It’ll be over after dinner,” said Bert in a comforting tone, to which Reiner shrugged.

  
Bertholdt told him about the market and the rest of the town as we finished our meal. Reiner, who had been done with his food, sat in silence listening to us talk. He had that look on his face that he had sometimes. It was like something was bothering him, but I knew from experience that if I tried asking about it, he’d denied.

  
“Trost sounds like a nice city,” he commented. “It’s a shame that admiring it isn’t what we’re here to do.”

  
This made Bert tense. After Sasha and Connie left, he had moved to across the table from us, and I could see his face and reactions better. Reiner’s comment made him freeze.

  
“What do you mean?” I asked. “What’s wrong with admiring Trost? We’ve been given so much free time here, what else is there to do?”

  
“That’s right,” nodded Bertholdt. “There’s nothing else to do right now. Besides, it’s not like we came here to chase giant boars and participate in cooking competitions.”

  
Reiner and Bertholdt stared at each other for a moment before Bert continued, “And that’s not the only thing that we didn’t come here to do- “

  
“What are you two being so serious about?” I interrupted. They both looked down at me as if they had almost forgotten I was there. “We’re here to run drills and follow orders. Reiner’s orders are to help Sasha with the competition.”

  
Bertholdt nodded, “That’s also right.”

  
We sat in a tense silence for a few moments, and I wasn’t sure what to say. It was odd for Reiner and Bertholdt to argue at all, especially over something as stupid as that. Reiner grabbed my almost finished meal and added it to his own dishes while standing up, “I probably have a little while before I have to start helping Sasha and Connie again. Want to go walk around with me, Alex?”

  
“Uh, sure, but I wasn’t done eating.”

  
“There’s not much left anyway,” he said as he walked away from the table.

  
I looked at Bertholdt, who had finished his food and was also standing up to go, “Bertholdt, what was that?”

  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later,” he gave me a weak smile before going in the opposite direction as Reiner.

  
“Alex! You coming?”

  
I turned to see Reiner several steps away waiting on me. I got up and hurried after him, “Coming!”

  
I followed beside him, thinking he wanted to walk around the city, but instead he lead me further into the building until he found an empty storage room, and lead me inside.

  
“Are you okay, Reiner?” I asked concerned.

  
“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

  
“You and Bert seemed tense. Have you two been fighting?”

  
He shook his head, “It’s not serious; it’ll blow over. Don’t worry about it.”

  
I stayed quiet a moment, knowing I shouldn’t pry if he didn’t want to talk about it, but I was always a little too nosy, “What were you fighting about?”

  
He turned away from me, repeating, “It’s not serious, don’t worry about it.” He sat down on one of the crates and leaned against the wall, “I want to spend time alone with you and forget about it. Please?”

  
He gave me a pleading look while holding out his arms and motioning for me to come over towards him. I couldn’t help but think that for such a large guy who put on such a tough act for everyone, he also had a remarkable tendency to resemble a teddy bear sometimes.

  
I smiled and went towards him, and as soon as I was in his reach, he pulled me into his lap. “This all right?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around me and leaned me against him.

  
I nodded, and he relaxed back against the wall again. Being so close against him made me think of how much larger he was than me, which also made me think of possible implications behind him saying he wanted to spend time alone with me. I remembered the conversation I had with Mina and Sasha the week before. _Should I try talking about that now?_ I wondered. _How do I bring that up without being awkward?_

  
Reiner started talking before I could start that conversation, though, which made me grateful. “So who do you thinks going to win?”

  
“The cooking contest?” I asked, looking up at him. He nodded.

  
“It’s pretty obvious Sasha will win. She has more experience and she has better ingredients. What can Jean make that’ll compete with boar meat?”

  
“I don’t know. I think Jean will pull through, though.”

  
“What? But you’re on Sasha’s team. There’s no way Jean will win this, not even with Armin helping him.”

  
“It does seem unlikely, but I have a gut instinct, you know?”

  
I gave him an odd look, “No.”

  
“Jean’s the underdog right now, and I’m a sucker for an underdog. He’ll pull something out and win it, you’ll see.”

  
I rolled my eyes, “Whatever you say, babe.”

  
He grinned at me and said, “How about we bet on it? We haven’t made a bet in a while.”

  
“No, we haven’t,” I considered. “What would we be betting on? We could make the loser tell Shadis to go fuck himself again.”

  
Reiner touched his forehead where Shadis delivered his blow and said, “Maybe not that.”

  
I laughed, “But I thought you were sure that Jean is going to win?”

  
“I am,” he responded with confidence. “Do you think I want to see you get headbutted like that?” He thumped the middle of my forehead, which caused my face to scrunch up and made him laugh.

  
“Okay, what do you want to do then?” I asked.

  
“Hm….” He pulled an exaggerated thinking face, before getting a devilish look on face.

  
“What?” I asked, getting curious. “What are you thinking?”

  
“I don’t know if you’d like it,” he said with the same mischievous look in his eyes.

  
“Well tell me and find out.”

  
“Alright,” he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. “How about whoever loses the bet has to jump in the lake near the training camp at night, naked.”

  
“Naked?” I repeated, sitting up a little.

  
“Yeah. It’s still cold enough at night that it won’t be enjoyable, but I don’t think it’s still cold enough to get sick.”

  
I gave him a skeptical look, and said, “It sounds like you just me to get naked.”

  
“Well, if you’re as right about Sasha as you think you are, then I’ll be the one getting naked, not you,” he paused for a second. “But if you really don’t like it, we can make some other bet. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  
“I’ll do it,” I said quickly.

  
“Wait, what? Really?”

  
“Yeah. Seeing you cold and butt naked sounds funny.”

  
He chuckled, “It might be. You’re right, though, I do kind of just want to see you naked.”

  
“Perv,” I laughed. “There’s actually something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

  
“What’s that?” he questioned with a soft smile on his face. He was once again playing with my hair and I was once again struck by how adorable he was.

  
“Well-uh- “

  
“Reiner!” The door opened and we both jumped and looked to see Connie and Sasha standing in the doorway.

  
“We finally found you!” yelled Sasha. “It’s time to start prepping the meat. Come on!”

  
“Uh, Sasha,” Connie said nervously, “maybe we should leave them alone for now. They look busy.”

  
I felt my cheeks grow hot when I realized the way we were sitting definitely made it look like we were doing more than we really were. Sasha didn’t seem to care much, though.

  
“You two can do whatever after dinner! We only have a few more hours until the competition!”

  
“A few hours are more than enough time. If you start now, the meat will be cold when it gets served,” I pointed out.

  
“Do you really need three people to do this anyway?” questioned Reiner. He was tapping his fingers against my side, so I could tell he was getting impatient.

  
“Cooking is an art!” stated Sasha. “It takes time, and this has to be the best piece of boar meat ever prepared! I need as much help as possible.”

  
I sighed, but then decided maybe it was best to let Reiner go. The confidence I had built up from our earlier conversation was gone, so I stood up and turned to look at him, “Go ahead. I’ll see you after dinner.”

  
“But, you said you wanted to talk about something.”

  
I shook my head, “It can wait.”

  
I gave him a quick kiss before letting Sasha drag him and Connie off towards the kitchens. I headed in the opposite direction to find someone else to kill time with. Armin was probably busy, and I wasn’t sure if spending time with Bertholdt again was a good idea. I had a feeling that whatever he and Reiner were arguing about had to do with me, which made me feel guilty. I didn’t walk for too long before I ran into Annie.

  
“Hey, Alex, your brother’s broken both of his legs,” she said before I could greet her.

  
“What?”

  
“He fell while going up some stairs. Come on and I’ll show you where he is.”

  
“Alright,” I said, following her lead. “That sounds just like Armin, though. Breaking his legs because he tripped on some stairs.”

  
“He tripped on the stairs because horse face suggested we steal ingredients to win the competition. Armin freaked out and ran away.”

  
I chuckled, “That sounds even more like Armin.”

  
“It was kind of funny,” Annie said.

  
“So, I take it Jean isn’t doing well with the whole cooking thing?”

  
Annie sighed, “He’s crashing and burning, as expected.” She stopped in front of a door and opened it for me, “Here you go. I’m going to go relax for a little while.”

  
“See you,” I called as I stepped inside. Armin was laying on the bed, with casts around both of his legs.

  
“Damn, Armin, why?” It looked bad.

  
He gave an embarrassed half shrug, “Jean was sort of freaking out, and it made me freak out?”

  
I shook my head and asked, “What was Jean freaking out about?”

  
Armin responded by giving me a summary of their day. He explained chasing the boar, only to have Sasha to snatch it up, and how upset Jean’s mother made him.

  
“What’s the deal with his mom exactly?” I questioned. “I was in the dining hall when he blew up on her.”

  
“I’m not really sure. I think he’s having some sort of existential crisis about proving his worth and capabilities,” he guessed.

  
“Ah, that would explain not wanting his mother around. He can’t prove his worth with someone trying to coddle him.”

  
Armin started giggling, and I looked at him confused, “You okay?”

  
“Yeah, just…. That sounds like Eren and Mikasa.”

  
I laughed too when I realized he was right.

  
“What have you done with your free afternoon?” he asked, resting back on his pillows.

  
“After you all left to hunt the boar, Mikasa, Eren and I decided to wait until tomorrow to visit the orphanage, so you could go, too.”

  
He nodded, “Good.”

  
“We went with Bertholdt to look around the city instead. It’s a lot like Shiganshina. The market place has commodities from all corners of the walls, and the layout and buildings are even similar to the ones in Shiganshina.”

  
“I think all the walled cities have the same layout, and were built the same,” Armin mentioned.

  
“Really? I didn’t know that. But we also saw that boar you were hunting. It was so big! They paraded it through town with Sasha on top of it,” I laughed. “That thing is infamous around here, apparently. A lot of the townspeople seemed grateful it’s dead.”

  
“Jean said as much. I can’t imagine something that big not causing any problems with the locals.”

  
“True,” I agreed. “After that we came back here and ate lunch. I’ve spent the rest of the afternoon with Reiner.”

  
“Doing what?” he asked. He seemed half asleep from exhaustion, but sat up a little when I mentioned Reiner.

  
“Nothing much, to be honest.”

  
“Alex, you know you can get in trouble, right?”

  
I furrowed my eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

  
“Don’t you remember that girl that got sent away a few months ago for being pregnant? What would you do? Where would you go? If you got caught alone with him, even if you didn’t end up pregnant, it could still mean trouble for both of you,” he said sternly. It was one of the few times I had ever seen my brother be stern.

  
“A-Armin, w-what are you saying?” I stammered out. “Reiner and I aren’t… I am not going to be pregnant!”

  
“Oh, really? You’re not doing that when you’re alone with him?” he sounded relieved.

  
“No! He doesn’t tell people that, does he?”

  
“No,” Armin shook his head.

  
“Then why would you think that?” I yelled.

  
“L-look, I just want to make sure you’re playing it safe. Do whatever you want, it’s not my business, as long as you don’t get in trouble. And it’s not Eren’s business either.”

  
I raised an eyebrow at the mention of Eren. “Is Eren the reason you asked about that?”

  
“Maybe,” he said, giving me a nervous look, worried if I’d get upset or not.

  
“Tell me what Eren said,” I told him, leaning forward in my chair.

  
“You can’t get mad at him for it.”

  
“I won’t,” I promised.

  
“Okay, well, it’s really not a big deal. Eren heard some guys in the barracks making jokes about Reiner sneaking out with you at night, and then he started complaining about it. He was saying he was worried about you, basically.”

  
“Basically?”

  
“Well, there’s he said more than that, but being worried was the basic idea of it.”

  
I rolled my eyes, “He’s such a hypocrite. He complains about Mikasa acting like an older sister all the time, and then he goes off and acts like that.”

  
Armin sighed, “You said you wouldn’t get mad about it Besides, Eren just doesn’t like Mikasa smothering him. He secretly likes the attention, and if it was Mikasa he’d do the same thing.”

  
“Yeah, whatever.”

  
“Mr. Arlelt! How are you doing? Oh hello!” one of the military nurses walked in, and greeted us both with a smile.

  
I introduced myself to the nurse as Armin’s twin, and she told me that I should probably leave him be, so he could rest. I didn’t want to leave him alone, but he did look tired throughout the conversation, so I told him goodbye and left.

  
I ended up being found by Mikasa, and got caught up in training exercises since we didn’t get a chance that morning from travelling. As usual, I tried to match her amount of push ups and sit ups, and keep up with all the punches and kicks she swung at me while sparring. I did all right defending, but I suspected that was because Mikasa didn’t want to risk hurting me if she hit me too hard. She had left plenty of bruises behind before. I could still barely move fast enough to break through her defenses and land any sort of hit.

  
While we were cleaning up, I noticed the sun was almost down. “Hey, we need to go, or we’ll miss the cooking competition!” I exclaimed, quickly getting back dressed and hurrying Mikasa.

  
“It’s okay if we miss it,” she protested, but started moving faster, too.

  
“I’ve got a bet riding on this contest,” I explained.

  
She raised an eyebrow, “What kind of bet?”

  
“Don’t worry about it. It’s with Reiner.”

  
“Oh. Who’d you bet on?”

  
“Sasha,” I said confidently. “And I know she’s going to win too. Annie told me earlier that Jean was crashing and burning.”

  
She nodded, “Well the contest is about cooking, so of course Sasha will win. But isn’t Reiner on Sasha’s team? Why would he bet against her?”

  
“I don’t know, he said he had a gut instinct.”

  
When we arrived, we had to push through the surprisingly large crowd that showed up. We stopped in the middle when we found Christa, Ymir, and Mina. Eren and Bertholdt were standing with Thomas beside them.

  
Not long after saying hello, the contest began. “We will now commence the cook-off between 104th Squad members, Jean Kirstein and Sasha Blouse!”

  
The crowd cheered, and Shadis continued, “First up, Sasha Blouse!”

  
“Yes sir!” Sasha stepped forward while Connie and Reiner nodded on either side of her. She placed a covered plate in front of Shadis, and opened it to reveal a pretty large slab of meat, which riled up the crowd. I thought it was odd that she only served meat instead of a full dinner, but I also thought it was still probably enough to win.

  
Pixis looked at the meat, with a curious but impressed look before cutting off a piece and putting it his mouth. After tasting the meat, Pixis eyes widened and sat unmoving while chewing.

  
“What’s he doing?” whispered Mina.

  
“I don’t know. Does it mean he likes it?” Christa whispered back.

  
Sasha looked confident that the Commander’s silence was a sign of approval, “It’s your turn now, Jean!”

  
Jean looked at Armin, who was somehow already on crutches, and stepped forward to present his dish. His reveal was a surprise.

  
“An omelet?” said Thomas. “He really expects to win with that?”

  
I was surprised, too. I knew Jean wasn’t likely to be able to produce something as good as boar meat, but choosing an omelet was extremely humble, which wasn’t usually Jean’s style.

  
“Well, isn’t this a cute little thing,” said Pixis, loud enough for the crowd to hear.

  
“Please,” Jean replied, “have a taste.”

  
Pixis took a bite of the omelet, and kept eating until he finished. No one was sure what to think about his silence, but Sasha, Connie, and Reiner looked confident of themselves on stage.

  
Pixis stood and announced, “The winner is Jean Kirstein!”

  
“What the fuck?” I yelled as the rest of the crowd broke out in cheers.

  
“Jean won!”

  
“It’s a victory for home-cooked meals everywhere!”

  
I scoffed, thinking it was ironic that this was the same crowd that just laughed at Jean for serving an omelet not five minutes ago.

  
Sasha walked up to the Commander’s table and slammed her hands down in front of him, “I cannot accept this! Why? Why did the meat lose?”

  
“Listen, rookie,” Pixis began, and the crowd quieted enough that I could hear him, “What exactly _is_ meat?”

  
“Meat is meat!” Sasha exclaimed.

  
“Hm. Exactly, meat is meat. It is nothing more or nothing less. Meat is simply… meat. That is why you lost.”

  
“What the fuck does that mean?” I asked, looking around me, but everybody shrugged.

  
On the stage, Sasha fell to her knees and wept, “I was such a fool! I’ve completely ignored the carrots and potatoes I’ve relied on up until now! I tried to win by simply roasting meat!”

  
Shadis walked away from the stage, as Jean stepped forward and offered a hand out to Sasha, “Don’t be embarrassed. You’re not the only one who just roasted their dish.”

  
Sasha took his hand and stood up, shaking it.

  
“Can anyone tell me what just happened?” said Eren loudly as the crowd started to disperse.

  
Bertholdt looked down at him, “Who knows. This whole thing was weird anyway.”

  
We all left and headed towards the barracks where we were sleeping that night. As I walked beside Mina, I heard a voice I recognized as Reiner’s calling me.

  
I turned around and saw him at the end of the hallway, and went to meet him. “Hey, sorry you didn’t win.”

  
“What do you mean? Thanks to our bet, even if I lost, I still won,” Reiner grinned.

  
“That’s why you bet against, Sasha?” I asked.

  
Reiner shook his head, “I really did have a gut feeling about Jean, although it didn’t happen like I thought. I can’t believe Sasha accepted that bullshit explanation the Commander gave her.”

  
“I know right! It didn’t even make sense!”

  
“Were you going to bed just now?” he asked, suddenly changing the subject.

  
“Yeah, I’m tired. Aren’t you?”

  
“Well, sure, but I want to know what you wanted to talk to me about. It’s been bothering me all evening.”

  
I blushed a little, and tried to hide it, “Oh, it’s nothing too important. It can wait.”

  
“Are you sure?” he asked, and I nodded.

  
“We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  
“Okay, princess, whatever you want,” he said and pulled me in for a kiss. I wrapped my hands around him and melted into it before a gruff voice broke us apart.

  
“Hey, rookies!” We turned to see one of the garrison soldiers passing by the hallway we were in, “Go to bed before you get caught by someone important and end up in real trouble!”

  
“Yes sir!” we said together.

  
The guy walked away, and I looked at him and grimaced, “Whoops.”

  
“It’s all right,” said Reiner, waving his hands. “He said he wasn’t going to get us in trouble.”

  
“Maybe we should be more careful,” I considered.

  
“We can start that tomorrow,” said Reiner as he leaned down for another kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost two months, and I'm finally updating. There's no reason it took two months, other than I got really busy at the end of the holidays, and my classes this semester hasn't given me much time to work on side projects. Also doesn't help that I started over on this chapter at least three times. I haven't lost any enthusiasm for this story, though.

Eren, Armin, Mikasa and I walked down the streets of Trost, trying to remember the exact location of the orphanage where Isabelle lived. None of us were quite sure of which street the orphanage had been one, and none of us were familiar enough with the city to navigate it ourselves. After getting directions, and taking several wrong turns, we found the right building.

  
I stepped up and knocked on the front door and was greeted by an older lady whose name I did not remember, but somehow, she remembered us. She didn’t remember our names, but she did remember us as the young teenagers who had visited two years before to see Isabelle, and were about to join the Cadet Corps. We reintroduced ourselves as she brought us inside and back to the same common room we had sat in before and ate tea and cookies. The woman’s name was Mrs. Harry, short for Harriet, and in the common room we reintroduced ourselves to another woman named Mrs. Jones.

  
Mrs. Harry offered us tea and cookies again while Mrs. Jones offered to go get Isabelle, saying as she went out, “I think she was playing in the garden.

  
We refused the cookies, but accepted the cups of tea while Mikasa asked, “You have a garden here?”

  
Mrs. Harry nodded, “Oh yes, you probably didn’t see it last time, but we are lucky enough to have secured a space for a backyard for the children behind the building. We allow the older children to wonder around the city more freely, but we like to keep the younger ones closer. We try to have days where take them around the city and out of the walls.”

  
Mrs. Harry didn’t seem quite as exhausted as she had been the last time we had visited, but I guessed from the way she spoke that the orphanage was still very full.

  
“How has Isabelle been, though?” Armin asked, and Mrs. Harry smiled.

  
“She’s fine, still as polite and a delight as ever. She’s started to learn how to read recently, and she’s progressing well.”

  
As she finished her sentence, a little blonde head with wide, curious green eyes, followed by Mrs. Jones, who said, “Isabelle, you probably don’t remember these young ladies and gentlemen, do you?”

  
She shook her head while she followed Mrs. Jones around the corner and sat down in a chair across from the sofa the four of us were seated on. I took the lead in telling her who we were.

  
“My name is Alex Arlert, and this is my brother Armin Arlert, and our friends Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager. We’re cadets in the 104th training squad.”

  
“I’m Isabelle, just Isabelle,” she responded. “Why did you visit me for?”

  
“Isabelle!” Mrs. Jones whispered in a scolding tone.

  
“I’m just curious!” she exclaimed, defending her bluntness. “I’ve never met them, and I’ve never had visitors before.”

  
“That’s not true,” I interrupted. “We’ve visited you before a few years ago, and we met you before that.”

  
“We’re from the same hometown,” explained Eren.

  
Isabelle tilted her head a little before asking, “I thought I was from the place that got taken over by titans?”

  
Armin nodded, “You are. That’s why we’re visiting today. Alex was the one who helped you escape the titans. She found you as a baby and carried you to Wall Rose.”

  
“What about my parents?” she asked, looking at me.

  
I hesitated, and Mikasa answered for me, “It was too late for them.”

  
I cleared my throat, and said, “We’re not here visiting you to tell you about all that, though. We’re here to see you! I brought you here, and I’d feel bad if I didn’t check on you.”

  
She looked surprise, and all that came out of her mouth was, “Oh.”

  
“You look happy. Are you friends with a lot of the other kids here?”

  
“I’m friends with most the girls in my group,” she smiled, “except for Sally and Hestia. They’re really mean.”

  
I assumed by ‘group’ she meant age group, and laughed, “How are they mean?”

  
“They make fun of everyone else, and say they’re the prettiest and the smartest, but that’s not true. Jasmine is smarter than both of them, and Sally isn’t even pretty.”

  
“Really?” I asked with a smile. She was adorable, and the way she rambled was charming in a way that only a child could be.

  
“Yes!” she nodded. “And Hestia pulls my hair all the time. She’s says its’s because she doesn’t like my hair, but I really think she’s jealous of my hair.”

  
Eren, who had been looking sort of bored at her talk about the other girls, said, “You know what you should do about that? You need to pull the girl’s hair back, or just hit her good and hard. That’ll make them shut up, too.”

  
“Eren!” Armin and I hissed in unison, in the same scolding tone Mrs. Jones had used for Isabelle.

  
“I’ve tried that,” Isabelle sighed. “It just made Mrs. Harry really mad.”

  
Mrs. Harry had moved to the next room beyond the common room, but had left the door, and from what I could tell it was some sort of office. She could still here our conversation and added, “I’ll be mad if you try it again, too!”

  
“Mrs. Harry said they have a garden here. Do you like playing in it?” Mikasa spoke up.

  
Isabelle looked at her, smiling wide and nodding, “I help take of the flowers and vegetables, too!”

  
“Can we see it?” asked Mikasa, and Mrs. Jones, who had stayed in the room with us, stood up and nodded.

  
“Follow me.”

  
We all got up and followed Mrs. Jones and Isabelle through the house, past what looked like a kitchen and large dining room, and to the back door. The backyard was a good size for young children, and the left side was open to make room for kids to run around a play games, and the right side of the yard there was a garden, two benches, and a sandbox. In the far-left corner of the yard was a tree just big enough to hand a wooden swing from. A small herd of children Isabelle’s age or younger were currently running around it, making the yard look impossibly busy. Some children were kicking around a ball, some of the younger kids were playing with wooden toys in the sand box, and some of them seemed to be playing a game of tag. The chaos of it all was overwhelming.

  
Isabelle was unaffected by all the kids, and we allowed her to lead us to the garden, where she took her time naming each type of plant, and what she liked and disliked about all of them. Eren wasn’t very interested, but still acted like he was and stayed patient. Armin and I smiled and nodded, happy to encourage her rambling, and Mikasa looked genuinely interested in the garden. After a while, Armin announced, much to Eren’s delight, that we had to go soon to make it back to the HQ for dinner.

  
“Will you come visit me again?” asked Isabelle as we headed back to the door that exited the yard.

  
I smiled and promised, “Next time we’re in Trost!”

  
We left after thanking Mrs. Harry and Mrs. Jones, and after we got a few paces down the street from the orphanage, Eren turned to me and said, “That kid is just like you.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“She talked for an hour straight.”

  
“It was not that long!”

  
“It was that long,” corrected Armin.

  
I rolled my eyes, and said, “But I don’t talk that much!”

  
“You do talk that much,” Armin corrected.

  
I huffed, and Eren added, “She has the same attitude as you, too.”

  
I heard Mikasa laugh on the other side of Eren and Armin, and I bit my tongue to keep from proving Eren right.

  
When we got back from our visit, dinner had already started. I worried that we might be in trouble for showing up late, but no one said anything to us. After getting our plates, I could see Reiner waving at me to come sit with him at a table with Connie and Bert, and I motioned Eren, Mikasa, and Armin to come with me.

  
As we sat down, Connie asked, “Where have the four of you been? No one seen you since lunch.”

  
“We went out to visit the orphanage here in town,” explained Eren before starting to stuff his face with the bread.

  
“An orphanage?” Reiner repeated, looking down at me.

  
I nodded, “I didn’t tell you about that?”

  
He shook his head, and Bert asked, “Why an orphanage?”

  
“We were visiting a girl that Alex saved four years ago when Maria fell. She was too young to stay with us, so she ended up going to an orphanage here in Trost,” Armin explained.

  
“You saved a girl?” Connie turned to me, and Reiner and Bert looked back at me.

  
“I just carried her with us when Armin and I ran away from the Titans,” I said. “We ran right passed her.”

  
Armin shook his head, “The girl’s parents were crushed by a rock from the gate that had been kicked in. By some miracle, she wasn’t killed with them, but we didn’t run right passed her. Alex changed routes because she could hear the mother crying, and wanted to help.”

  
“That’s… That’s brave, Alex,” said Bert softly.

  
“She was in an alley just off the main street. It’s not like I ran back towards the titans to get her,” I said, nudging Armin. I was getting a little embarrassed.

  
“Stopping at all while running from titans is brave,” Reiner commented, looking at his hands. It was then I remembered the story Reiner once told me about his friend who had been ate by a titan while he, Bert, and Annie ran away, and I realized why Reiner and Bert looked so guilty. I wasn’t sure of what to say, or if he would want me to say anything, so I settled for squeezing his leg under the table.

  
Eren must’ve sensed Reiner’s and Bert’s tension, too, which surprised me. Eren never noticed things like that, “What’s been going on here all afternoon?”

  
Connie answered, “People have been talking about going out tonight. Apparently, they’re not enforcing curfew as harshly here, either.”

  
“Going out and doing what?” asked Armin.

  
“You’re smart, Armin, what do you think?” responded Connie. “We’re going out to the bars.”

  
“But not a lot of cadets are over fifteen, yet,” I pointed out. “I don’t know if any bars will let us in, much less sell to us.”

  
“They’ll let you in,” assured Reiner. “And if enough go at once, they’ll sell. They won’t miss out on making money like that.”

  
As we were talking, Mina and Sasha, who looked to be done with their dinner, joined us as well. “That’s right,” said Mina. “A few people went out dancing last night, and they said they had no problems. They didn’t even get in trouble with the superiors.”

  
“I’ve heard it’s because they want cadets to like it here,” explained Sasha. “After what happened at Maria, this is the most dangerous city in the walls, and they have trouble getting people to agree to be stationed here.”

  
“Really?” asked Eren. “I thought people couldn’t chose where they were assigned, anyway.”

  
“They can choose to quit the military,” Armin pointed out.

  
“That’s sad they have to do that,” commented Mikasa, “but we could still benefit from it.”

  
Mina grinned, “My thoughts exactly! So, are you all going to go, too?”

  
Connie, Eren, Armin and Mikasa all said yes, and I looked at Reiner to see if he was too. He looked back at me, and said, “I was going to go if you were.”

  
I nodded and said, “Let’s do it.”

  
After dinner, Mikasa and I stayed in the barracks for the cadet girls. Many of them were primping and picking out the bet outfits they had with them to wear. I wasn’t sure why some of them thought to bring nicer casual clothes with them. Maybe they were more aware of how relax it would be here than I was, but the only civilian clothes I brought were two skirts (one brown and one maroon), a plain green shirt, and a cream-colored blouse. I decided on the maroon skirt and cream blouse. They were probably the newest things I owned anyway. None of my clothes were that nice.  
Mikasa, like me, was wearing modest looking clothes: the same white shirt and red scarf she always wears, with a pink skirt. Other girls like Krista and Sasha were also dressed similarly. Mina, however, along with a few other girls like Hitch, had nicer skirts and blouses made of better material and had patterns on them. I ran my hands over the sleeves of Mina’s light blue shirt, which was covered with designs of little pink flowers.

  
“If you like it so much,” said Mina as she combed her hair. “I can have another one I can lend you for the night.”

  
“Oh, no, I’m fine,” I said, and I retracted my hands. “I just like the feel of the material.”

  
She nodded, “You should let me do your hair, though. You have someone to look nice for tonight.”

  
I crinkled my nose, “Don’t you?"

  
She sighed and shook her head, “Thomas and I have parted ways, and decided to be just friends. It was mutual, of course.”

  
I thought to point out to her that parting ways and remaining friends were two different things, but she turned to Annie before I could say anything more about the matter, “What about you? Aren’t you coming?”

  
Annie was wearing her normal white hoodie, and still had on her white pants from her uniform, curled up on her and Mina’s bed reading a book, “I haven’t decided yet.”

  
“Well you need to decide,” Mina replied as she motioned for me to sit on the bed, too. “We’re leaving soon.”

  
Mina crawled behind me, pushing Annie’s legs out of the way, so that she could have good access to the back of my head. Annie looked slightly annoyed, but didn’t say anything. I had already brushed out my hair, and decided to leave it down instead of putting half up like always, but there was also no harm in letting Mina do what she wanted.

  
Sasha joined us, asking, “Are you all ready to go?”

  
Annie got up off the bed and started digging through her bag, “Almost.”

  
“You’re still in your uniform,” Sasha pointed out, confused as to how they counted as almost ready.

  
Annie shrugged and started changing as Mina said, “Glad you decided to come, Annie. We’ll be ready to go as soon as I finish with Alex’s hair.”

  
“She’s got to look good for muscle-head,” Annie said with a roll of her eyes.

  
“He’s not a muscle-head,” I protested, and Sasha laughed.

  
“So, have you dealt with your problem, yet?”

  
“Uh, I haven’t talked to him about it yet, or really done anything, so no,” I said sheepishly.

  
Sasha shook her head, “Don’t wait so long. After you talk to him about it, it won’t make you so nervous.”

  
“What are you talking about?” asked Annie as she pulled her blouse over her head.

  
I shook my head at her, implying it wasn’t important. I didn’t want to go through the embarrassment of that conversation again, especially with Annie. She’d definitely make fun of me.

  
“I’m done,” Mina announced. I reached around to touch my hair, and she smacked my hands away, “You’ll mess it up, stop.”

  
“What did you do it?” I said, trying to resist the urge to run my hand over it again.

  
“Made four braids and then a bun. It looks good.”

  
Sasha nodded her approval, as Mikasa came over to the bed, “Are you read to go now? Everyone else has left.”

  
“One second,” said Annie as she pulled her boots back on. I reached over and pulled the hair tie out of her hair, and she glared at me, “Don’t touch my hair.”

  
“It looks better that way,” I shrugged, tossing the hair tie back at her. She caught it, and put it on her wrist instead of putting her hair back up.

  
Half an hour later, the five of us ended up on a crowded street outside of one the local bars, and Sasha lead us inside, “C’mon! This is where Connie said he was going, so I’m sure everyone else went here too.”

  
The inside wasn’t as crowded as the street, but there was still a good amount of people inside, along with a small band playing in the corner. It was easy to tell the locals apart from the soldiers, and the locals didn’t look particularly happy about their place being taken over by young cadets. The two bartenders seemed to like the extra business, though, and greeted as with a smile as we walked in.

  
“Hello ladies! What can I start you off with tonight?”

  
Mina and Sasha ordered beers, and I followed their lead. A beer was all I had tried before anyways, I didn’t want to buy something and end up spitting it out. On the far side of the room from the band, I heard a loud, deep laugh I recognized as Reiner’s. He sat at a table with Connie, Eren, Bert, and Thomas. Jean, Marco, Armin, Krista, and Ymir were sitting at the table next to them, but they all seemed to be a part of the same conversation. Krista noticed us first out of the group, and waved us over.

  
As I walked up, I could make out more of the conversation, and it seemed like Ymir and Thomas were arguing about something while everyone else laughed. Thomas already had a few glasses sitting in front of him, and his face looked a little red.

  
“I’m telling you, oranges are called orange because they’re orange!” yelled Thomas, to which Ymir yelled back.

  
“Oranges are where the name for the color orange comes from, so they can’t be called oranges because of the color!”

  
“Are they serious?” I mouthed to Krista, who rolled her eyes and nodded.

  
I pulled up a chair between Eren and Reiner to listen. Eventually the argument changed to whether oranges tasted good or not, and then to what was the best tasting fruit. At that point, almost everyone had joined in.

  
“Okay, but Thomas,” I laughed. “Have you even had a fig before?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Apparently not cause they’re amazing and they should be everyone’s favorite.”

  
We sat around the table for a long time, all of us several refills of our drinks, before Sasha stood up and dragged Connie towards the center of the room, where other patrons had started dancing. I had been so caught up in our conversation, I had forgotten that there was music playing, too. I thought it was sweet that they went to dance together, but their half-drunk dancing skills was less than sweet. I giggled loudly as Sasha and Connie continued to make fools of themselves. Mina grabbed Thomas’ arm and begged him to go dance with her, although he agreed as soon as she asked.

  
“I thought they were ‘parting ways’?” I asked the group in general.

  
“That really doesn’t mean anything when it comes to Mina, she’s always been too indecisive,” said Mikasa, to which the table agreed.

  
“Who cares if they broke up? Let them dance!” exclaimed Reiner raising his glass. He caught the attention of some the men around us, who raised their glasses and echoed his cheer, even though they didn’t know what he meant.

  
I shook my head with a laugh, and normal conversation started around the table with the absence of Thomas. More of the group started the pair off to go dance, including Ymir and Krista, and to my surprise Marco and Annie. I watched Marco spin here, and move her from side to side, and couldn’t help but giggle at how uncomfortable she looked. Eventually, she started to move more in rhythm with the music and looked more like she was having fun.

  
Jean also convinced Mikasa to dance with him, although I suspected that was because Mikasa knew Eren had no interest in it. That left Reiner, Bert, Eren, Armin and I alone at the table. Armin and Bert carried on their own conversation, while listened to them and nursed his glass. I wasn’t sure what he was drinking, but I was pretty sure it was the same thing Reiner had gotten, and it tasted awful. I was more interested in watching our friends dance and have fun.

  
“Did you want to dance?” I looked at Reiner and realized he had been watching me. “You haven’t said anything.”

  
I shrugged and said, “I’m happy just sitting here. They’re all much better at it than I am. I’d fall on my face.”

  
“So? Everyone’s drunk right now.”

  
“Reiner, I’d fall on my face trying to dance while I was sober.”

  
“Aw, c’mon Princess, you can’t be that bad. Besides, even Annie went. Do you think Annie knows how to dance?”

  
I sighed. I wasn’t drunk, but I wasn’t sober either. If I was, I wouldn’t have stood up, grabbed Reiner’s hand, and lead him to the middle of the bar with the others. When we got there, he wrapped one arm around my waist and started moving us along to the music in a similar fashion as the other couples. The music was upbeat and happy, and most of our “dancing” was just skipping and spinning around. The locals who got up to dance had more fancy feet work, and they were probably doing an actual dance that went with the songs. I still enjoyed dancing with Reiner, and by the end of the first song, I felt drunk without anymore alcohol. I was constantly tripping and stepping on Reiner’s toes, but he just grinned and held on to me to keep me from falling.

  
I had no clue how long we were dancing when Reiner leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

  
I looked at him, confused. “Why?”

  
He winked at me and pulled started to pull me away from the dancing. It was then that I realized that the only others still her from our group were Sasha, Connie, Jean, Mikasa, and Marco and Annie. Marco, Annie, Jean, and Mikasa were sitting around the table that we had left Eren, Bert, and Armin at, but they were gone. Sasha and Connie were still laughing and dancing, although they were just as bad at it as me and Reiner.

  
“Where are you wanting to go?” I said, a small laugh still in my voice from the dancing.

  
“I don’t know. I didn’t think about that far. Somewhere private?”

  
My buzzed brain tried to think of somewhere, but came up blank. The only place private that we could go to was headquarters, and we were bound to be eventually caught by someone on duty no matter where we went.

  
“Does anyone patrol the wall at night?” Reiner asked, and I shook my head.

  
“Alright, let’s go.”

  
“Huh? But, we’ll get in trouble for that!” I protested as Reiner held my hand and guided me through the street towards the southern edge of the city.

  
“Only if we get caught,” he replied with a handsome, roguish smirk that ended my protests.

  
We took the pulley up the side of the wall, and I held on to the one of the sides while Reiner pulled us up. I had been up the wall before, even before I joined the military as a child, but never at night. Trost was lit up by firelight from torches and moonlight. The higher we get, the less I could distinguish the individual buildings and lights, and it looked more like a giant maze lit up fire flies. When we reached the top, we got off and Reiner secured the pulley to make sure it would fall back down and abandon us.

  
I left the side of the wall that overlooked the city and went to the edge that overlooked the wilderness. It was lit by only moonlight, but none the less beautiful. You could see trees that made up edges of a forest, and how the tops of them swayed in the wind. You could also see, at the bottom of the wall, a group of mindless titans clawing futilely at the wall. Just like Shiganshina, Trost is an outlying city that served to concentrate titans to one area of the wall to keep maintenance down.

  
I stepped back from the edge and stood more towards the middle of the wall, so that all I had to focus on was the sky and Reiner. “What did you want to come up here for?” I asked.

  
Reiner had also been looking over the edge of the wall, and stepped away when I spoke, “I said I wanted somewhere private.” He smiled at me and joked, “I also needed to give my feet a break from stomped on.”

  
“I told you I wasn’t any good,” I laughed while sitting down. “And that’s when I haven’t drunk anything.”

  
“I’ll remember to listen better next time,” he chuckled and sat down next to me, “but, dancing with you is worth getting stepped on.”

  
I sighed and leaned against him. I was slowly getting more accustomed to his constant compliments and flattery that I didn’t bother blushing or saying thank you every time anymore.

  
“Seriously though, Reiner,” I said. “What did you bring us up here for?”

  
“I’ve told you before, I just like being alone with you,” he responded. He pulled back away from me and kissed me, and I leaned into it gladly. As always, his kisses were sweet and passionate, and made my heart beat speed up several paces in my chest, and my head spun even harder than before. The alcohol still running in my system made me braver than before, and I decided to skip talking about my nervousness to him and just get over it. I brought my hands down from his shoulders, and started to work on undoing his shirt, fumbling with the buttons while trying not to break the kiss.

  
Reiner broke the kiss instead and stayed still, letting me get the first two undone before grabbing my hands to stop me, “Alex, no. Not right now.”  
I leaned back to get a better a look at his face, a little confused and little hurt. Hadn’t been hinting that he wanted to go beyond kissing for a while now?

  
He brought one of my hands up to his face, and kissed the back of it, and explained, “I know you, Alex, you wouldn’t do that if you weren’t half drunk. I can wait until you’re comfortable and sober.”

  
“Aren’t you half-drunk, too?” I asked.

  
“No. I only had one glass, and you drank part of it.”

  
“Oh, sorry,” I said a slight blush of embarrassment creeping onto my cheeks.

  
He shook his head, “It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

  
“But, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.”

  
“What? When Connie and Sasha interrupted you?”

  
“Yeah,” I situated my legs and crossed them, so I was fully facing him. “It was about me not being comfortable with things.” I reached out and ran my fingers over the bit of exposed skin on his chest where his shirt was still unbuttoned.

  
“Like I said, Alex, that can wait until you’re sober.”

  
“Reiner, I’m not even that drunk.”

  
“You’re more drunk than you think you are. You stumbled all the way here, and I almost didn’t take us up here because I was scared you’d fall off.”

  
“I’ve been stumbling?”

  
“Yes, and slurring your words.”

  
I laughed at him and rolled my eyes, “I have not been slurring my words.”

  
“You just did.”

  
“Did not.”

  
“Did too.”

  
“Did not.”

  
“You did, and if you’re too drunk to talk and walk correctly, you’re too drunk to make decisions like that. Especially for the first time.”

  
I snorted and rolled my eyes at him again, which admittedly made me dizzier than it should’ve, “Whatever. You’re such a stubborn gentleman.”

  
He chuckled, “I thought being a gentleman was a good thing?”

  
I shrugged, “I guess it is sometimes.”

  
“That doesn’t make any sense, but either way let’s talk about something else.”

  
“Like what?” I asked, and I felt sleep weighing on my eyes, but I ignored it to pay attention to him.

  
“How was the orphanage?”

  
I shrugged, “A little awkward, to be honest, but that little girl was happy to have visitors. She was very talkative, and pretty.”

  
Reiner smiled, “Sounds like you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about you saving a kid.”

  
“Why? It never crossed my mind.”

  
“I told you I want to know all of your stories. Or, as much as possible.”

  
I rolled my eyes, “You haven’t told me any stories about yourself lately, either.” Reiner scooted away from me a little bit, and I stopped for a second to wonder why, but then he stretched himself out on the ground of the wall and laid his head on my lap. “Why don’t you tell me some of them?” I continued.

  
“You tell me one first,” he mumbled, and I could tell he was getting tired as well.

  
“Okay,” I agreed. “But you have to tell me what you want to hear. I don’t want to decide.”

  
“That’s gonna be hard,” he mused, comedically rubbing his chin. “There’s so much I want to know about the mysterious, interesting Alexandria.”

  
“I’m the opposite of mysterious, and you know that.”

  
He shrugged, “Do I really, though? I just learned today that you saved a baby when you were a child from titans. Does that kid know you saved her? I bet she worships you, even if she’s only met you twice.”

  
“It really wasn’t that big of a deal, Reiner. It’s not like the titans were right behind me when I stopped. I ran in the opposite direction as soon as they got through the wall,” I shook my head, not wanting to think too much about that day, not in that moment. “What do you want me to talk about?”

  
“Tell me more about your parents. Last time you talked about it you said you had no memories of them, but your grandpa told you stories about them. Tell me those stories.”

  
I thought for a second, and nodded, “I’ll tell you about how they met, since that’s the main story I remember.”

  
Reiner closed his eyes and relaxed his body, and he reminded me almost of a child settling down to hear a bedtime story. I reached out and ran a hand through his hair before I continued, “Well my dad was a baker, like my grandfather. Grandpa said that Dad saw baking as more of a way of making money than as something that really interested him. He had side hobbies that he liked to study and practice. He was a good help to Grandpa, though. When he grew up, he became Grandpa’s business partner. My mom was a blacksmith, which I think was also a career she inherited from her family, but I never met any of them. She loved building things, and not just weapons and tools. She loved inventing new things, or studying how already invented mechanisms worked. That’s what her and dad liked to do together. Mechanics, and new inventions was something he also loved. They never made anything profitable, though it was more for fun.”

  
Reiner hummed. I was still running my fingers through his short hair, “How’d they met, though?”

  
“I’m getting there, don’t be impatient,” I chided before continuing. “It’s a short story. The way Grandpa told it, was that one morning Grandpa was nagging him about getting married and settling down, so he could have grandkids. Dad had us a little later in life than most people have kids. I think Dad was 33 and mom was 24.”

  
Reiner picked his head up a little bit to look at me and raise his eyebrows.

  
“Yeah, there was an age difference,” I nodded. “They were already adults, though, so it didn’t matter as much. Anyway, Dad told him not to worry about it. It would happen eventually, but not anytime soon. So that evening after they left work, Grandpa asked him if he would go pick up some tools that he had ordered from a blacksmith in town, which was mom. Grandpa expected him to bring the tools to him right away, but it was several hours. He spent the whole time talking to mom in her shop, and he brought her to Grandpa’s house the next day. They married really quick, too, only six months later.”

  
“We’ve known each other longer than that,” Reiner commented.

  
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It’s crazy to think about getting married to someone you just met a few months before. But we’re not adults yet. We’re still teenagers.”

  
“I’m sixteen,” he corrected. “Technically, I’m an adult.”

  
“Technically being the main word. No one really thinks fifteen is adulthood. It’s fifteen so kids can go into military sooner, or contribute to the workforce.”

  
Reiner rolled his eyes, “I know that, but fifteen is legally considered an adult. You’ll be fifteen in November.”

  
“I know that,” I repeated Reiner’s words. “What about it?”

  
He shook his head, “Nothing.”

  
“What?” I moved the leg that his head was laying on, just enough to nudge him. “What were you going to say?”

  
“Technically,” he said, “we could get married before the end of this year.”

  
My hand in his hair stopped moving, “You want to get married?”

  
“No, no, not now. We’re still in the training corps. Your parents just made me think that, you know? Like I said, we’ve known each other longer.”

  
“But, you want to get married?” I asked again, very surprised Reiner was talking about it.

  
He shrugged, “It was just a comment, princess, don’t worry about it. What story do you want to hear?”

  
“I want to know about your mom.”

  
“My mom?"

  
“Yeah. I told you about my parents. Tell me more about your mom. Who she was, you know?”

  
Reiner nodded, and relaxed again, “I guess I can tell you about her. She was a good mom, overall. She was a single mother, but she provided for me well enough, and she loved me. She used to like to tell me stories before bed or sometimes just sit and room and talk, and that’s probably the most time I remember spending with her. I spent a lot of my free time with Bert, and all day in school while she worked.”

  
“She sounds like a good mom,” I said. “She must’ve been strong to raise you by herself.”

  
Reiner shrugged, “She was… but like I said before, she clung to the belief that my father was going to come back to her one day, or even that he wanted to come back to her. I guess she was a bit delusional.”

  
“Maybe she really loved him.”

  
“Maybe…. Let me tell me a happier story. I’ll tell you about when I met Bert.”

  
I took my hand out of his hair and laid my body back so that I could relax more, too. When we got comfortable again, he continued, “So it was the first day of formal schooling. I was nervous. I was a wimp, and not well liked by other children my age, like I’ve told you before. I didn’t leave my house much before I started school, which is why I only met Bertholdt then. Anyway, I remember after school, I got in a fight with this boy in my class. We fought on a weekly basis, sometimes daily like Eren and Jean. When I saw ‘we fought’, I mean we yelled at each other, he hit me, and I cried about it.”

  
I chuckled, “Poor baby Reiner.”

  
“Haha,” he replied sarcastically, and I could almost hear him roll his eyes. “Anyway, that day, the kid I always fought with basically made fun of me because it was the first day, and I was already at the bottom of the class. So, after the whole, him hitting me and me crying about it happened, Bertl was the one who helped me and cheered me up. None of the other kids cared. He walked home with me, and we started walking together every day.”

  
He trailed off for a second, like he was deciding what to say next. I had already closed my eyes and was slowly going out of consciousness. The last thing I heard him say before I fell asleep was, “Bertl always waited on me when I couldn’t keep up....”


	14. Chapter 14

“Alex, Alex wake up.”

  
I tried my hardest to cling to sleep, but Reiner continued to call my name and shake my arm until I opened my eyes.

  
“Alex, we need to go. It’s almost sunrise.”

  
I sat up and looked around. My neck and back were sore, and it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why I was there. Then I remembered dancing, and coming up to the top of the wall, and I vaguely remembered falling asleep to Reiner talking.

  
“Shit,” I muttered, as I looked at the horizon that was starting to lighten up, meaning the sun was going to rise soon.

  
“We need to go,” Reiner said while helping me to my feet.

  
I nodded, starting to slightly panic, “We’re going to be in so much trouble, we’re still in our casual clothes, and-“

  
“Hey,” Reiner grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine. We’ll just have to sneak in without being seen. There’s a window in the boys barracks that overlooks an alley that isn’t busy. We can sneak in there, and its still early enough that we can get dressed, shower, and show up for roll call in time.”

  
We got on the pulley and started to let ourselves down as Reiner explained. I nodded and took a deep breath. Reiner was right, we’d be fine. This wasn’t a time to panic.

  
We got to the alley with the window without incident, and I was hesitate about going through the window into the boy’s room. I didn’t want to deal with the teasing from the other cadets and the look of disapproval I knew I’d get from Eren and Armin for staying out all night with Reiner, but the window to the girl’s barracks was outlooking a busier street, and I would be seen sneaking in. The window itself was high up, and kind of short. I was unsure on whether Reiner’s body would fit through it.

  
If he was worried about it, though, he didn’t show it, “I’m going to go in first, to make sure no one’s changing yet, alright?”

  
I nodded, and Reiner reached his arm up to knock on the window, and a few moments later, it opened. Reiner pulled himself up and maneuvered himself so his feet went in first. I could him talking to someone inside, presumably whoever opened the window, before he poked his head out and said, “You’re good, c’mon on.”

  
He stuck out his arm to help me up the wall and grab the top of the ledge, so I could bring my feet up and through the window. The hardest part of that was not getting my skirt stuck on the splintering wood and making sure it stayed where it was supposed to, so I wouldn’t give the boys inside a view. After I got both of my legs through, I started to adjust it so I could slide down without that happening, but I felt a large pair of hands grab my legs just above my knees through the clothes.

  
“I’ve got your skirt, princess,” I could hear Reiner say, “just get yourself through.”

  
I pushed off the wall so my upper body slide through, and landed in front of Reiner, who let go of my skirt to catch me.

  
“Thanks,” I whispered as I looked around the room. Most of the boys were still asleep, and the few that weren’t were still in their pajamas and looking at us with confused looks.

  
Marco was standing in his sleeping clothes next to Reiner, and asked, “Where did you two go?”

  
“Are they just getting back from last night?” asked Jean, who still sitting in the bed to my right.

  
“Shh!” I hissed. “Are Armin and Eren awake?”

  
“Uh,” Marco look around the bunk to my left at the other side of the room, before looking at me and saying, “No, not yet.”

  
“Good. I was never here!” I stage whispered to Marco, Jean, and the other handful of boys around the room who were already up. I then noticed that in the bed to my left was Bertholdt, sleeping on his stomach, with his legs crossed and his butt up, while snuggling his pillow under his head.

  
“What the hell?” I asked while Reiner, and the rest of the boys laughed.

  
“He’s made weirder poses, trust me,” Reiner said while I shook my head and went to leave.

  
“See you all at breakfast,” I said in departing, and I could hear the boys starting their daily discussion on what the weather would be based on Bert’s pose while I went out the door.

  
The girl’s barracks wasn’t far down the same hall, so I was able to get there without being seen. The real trouble was when I got inside. Over half of the girls were awake by this point, and they all turned to look at me when I walked in. My face got hot from all the eyes on me as I ducked my head down and hurried to mine and Mikasa’s bed. The boys who had seen me in their room hadn’t been awake enough to catch the full implication of Reiner and I sneaking in the next morning, but the girls were. I got a chorus of “Oooooo’s” and “Get it!” It didn’t help that the braids Mina had put in my hair the night before was now a messy knot, and my blouse was all sorts of rumpled and wrinkled.

  
Mikasa was sitting on our bed already fully dressed except for her scarf, jacket, and boots, which she was working on putting on. Mina and Annie were standing beside their bed in the process of putting on the leather straps for the 3DMG.

  
“Good morning,” I muttered, and started trying to detangle the mess on the back of my head with my fingers before taking the brush to it.

  
“So…?” Mina asked, raising her eyebrows.

  
“So what?” I responded, pretending I was unsure what she was talking about.

  
“Where have you been?” asked Mikasa.

  
“We went up the wall,” I answered still struggling with my hair. Mikasa pushed my hands away and started to untangle it herself once she had her boots on.

  
“Why?” asked Mina with a confused look on her face. “Did you…?”

  
“No,” I shook my head. “He just wanted to go up there, to be private and talk. He’s like that.”

  
Annie, who was now fully dressed, left without saying anything. This wasn’t abnormal for Annie, even though she was slowly shedding her resolution to stay a lone wolf.

  
“You went up to the top of the wall just to talk?” asked Mina, now more confused. “Did you talk to him about sex?”

  
I shook my head, “I tried, but he said I was too drunk, which wasn’t true. I wasn’t that drunk.”

  
“You looked drunk to me,” commented Mikasa, who had somehow gotten most of the tangles out and separated the braids in my hair.

  
I rolled my eyes. It was true I had a slight hangover, but it wasn’t bad enough to bother me, and I felt like I was pretty in control of myself last night. “Whatever. I need to hurry and get dressed.”

  
I fished out my uniform and started stripping off my clothes from the night before. Mina, who decided that I had nothing interesting to share, left me alone and finished getting dressed and left the barracks. Mikasa stayed with me while I was changing and helped me with the straps, which was normal for her to do.

  
While fastening the straps on the back of my legs, she said quietly, “You worried me.”

  
“Huh?” I asked, not sure if I had heard right.

  
“I’m used to you coming to bed late now,” she explained, “but you’re always there when I wake up. You weren’t this morning.”

  
I turned to face her when she was done, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to stay up there all night. We fell asleep.”

  
I hadn’t made Mikasa worry about me since our days as school children. Back then I resented her for it, but now I just felt guilty. She fused over Eren all the time, but I knew she’d do that even if Eren didn’t need her to.

  
She shook her head and said, “It’s fine. You’re fine, so it’s fine. Let’s go before we’re late.”

  
I tugged on my boots quickly and nodded. We were among the last of the girls still in the room, and we were getting close to time for rollcall, so I put on my jacket and put up my hair in the usual half ponytail while we walked.

  
The rest of the morning was uneventful. We were all given assignments to get horses and supplies ready for the trip back to the training camp to complete after breakfast and we were on the way out before midmorning. I was in charge of steering one of the wagons, which was a fairly easy job since we were going at a slow, walking pace. It would’ve been almost pleasant if it weren’t for the steady fall of rain that followed us all the way back. Samuel, one of the guys who had seen me this morning, was sitting next to me in the wagon, and Reiner and Bertholdt were riding horses in front of the wagon.

  
I guessed that after I left, Reiner didn’t answer any questions from the other guys. For the first hour of the ride, Samuel whispers hesitant questions about what Reiner and I were doing all night.

  
When I tried to answer him, Samuel motioned for me to talk quietly, and I raised my eyebrows. He side-glanced at Reiner and back at me before whispering, “He’ll get mad if he knows I’m asking you about it. Reiner’s an all right guy, but when he’s mad he’s….”

  
“Are you scared of him?” I asked, not believing it. Sure, Reiner was taller than most of the other cadet’s, and was one of the widest and strongest, but he had the personality of a puppy dog.

  
“No!” he said quickly and loudly, making Bertholdt and Reiner turn around to give us odd glances. When they turned back around, he hissed, “I am not scared of him.”

  
“Okay, okay,” I chuckled under my breath before answering his questions. “We didn’t do anything interesting last night. You’re not missing any gossip.”

  
“But you two come back late all the time. At least tell me how you sneak back in without getting caught.”

  
“Teamwork makes the dream work,” I answered with an overconfident smile, to which he snorted. I answered vaguely because I didn’t want to admit that I had no clue how we hadn’t gotten caught yet.

  
To change the subject, I called out to Reiner in front of us, “So, does butt up mean rain?”

  
Reiner and Bertholdt both turned to look at me, and Reiner looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, while Bertholdt just looked confused. It took a few seconds for Samuel to figure out what I was referring to, because he started snickering a few moments later.

  
“Crossed legs means precipitation of some sort,” Reiner joked, and wiggled his eyebrows when he added, “butt up just means he’s feeling frisky.”

  
Samuel and I laughed loudly, and Bert looked between the three of us and said, “What are you all talking about?”

  
Samuel shook his head and said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing important.”

  
“Does he not know?” I whispered after Bertholdt turned back around.

  
“He doesn’t know we do it every morning,” Samuel whispered back, and I giggled. Reiner turned around again when he heard my giggle and smiled when he caught my eye.

  
After getting back to camp, the next few weeks passed uneventfully. Before I knew it, it was June, and the heat was getting higher and higher. Towards the end of the month, many of friends were talking about making another trip to the lake like we had done the summer before. Less people were going this time, but still a good amount. It was me, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Reiner, Bertholdt, Connie, Sasha, Krista, Ymir, Jean, and Marco. I tried to convince Annie and Mina to come too, but they both refused. Mina because she’d rather just be lazy around the camp on her day off, and Annie insisted that if she had to put up with us every other day, she wasn’t going to spend her day off with us, too.

  
A few days before the trip, I felt like I was forgetting something, but I had no clue what it was. What was there to forget? All I had to do during the days was show up to the instructions and do what I was told, and I hadn’t been given any odd assignments from any of the instructors to do in my spare time, so what was I forgetting? I sat at dinner racking my brain, thinking maybe there was something I was something about the lake trip I needed to do. I decided I’d just ask Reiner or Armin later. If it was something important, they’d know about it.

  
That night before I left Reiner to go to bed, I asked him if he knew what it was, and he hesitated before answering.

  
“Well, you never jumped in the lake after losing that bet.”

  
“Shit,” I muttered. “You’re right. Why didn’t you remind me before?”

  
“I forgot about it for a little bit myself,” he shrugged, and then scratched the back of his neck. “I also felt guilty about making that bet with you. I was excited when you lost, and it made me feel like a pervert. I knew you weren’t really comfortable with it, but I pushed it anyway.”

  
I shook my head, “If I wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t have agreed to it.” Then I remembered something else that was forgotten, “I never got to talk to you about that.”

  
“About what?”

  
I felt myself blush, and I looked around. It was getting close to lights out, but there were still too many people wandering about outside for me to feel comfortable.

  
“C’mon,” I grabbed his hand, “Let’s go for a walk.”

  
We ended up by the stacks of firewood and logs again, the perfect distance from the camp to not be seen or heard, but easy to get back quickly.  
“Alex, what are you wanting to talk about?”

  
I hesitated, unsure on how to approach the subject I was trying to get at, “About me being uncomfortable?”

  
That was not the right thing to say. I could see a flash of panic cross Reiner’s face, “Did I do something wrong?”

  
“What? No. It’s not about anything you did. It’s about me.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
I looked at my feet, getting a little embarrassed, but pushed myself to continue, “You’ve said it yourself that I’m not comfortable with sex, or really anything more intimate than kissing.”

  
“Yeah?” he asked. “I thought I made it pretty clear that it didn’t bother me.”

  
“You did,” I nodded, “but it bothers me. I… I w-want you.”

  
I forced the last part out with a blush, and he raised his eyebrows, “Oh?”

  
“I just get anxious, and nervous, and I chicken out every time,” I sighed.

  
“That’s normal,” he shrugged. “Is anyone ever not nervous about sex?”

  
I didn’t answer at first and sat down on one of the logs to get comfortable. “I guess, but I talked to some of the girls about it, and they didn’t sound like they have a huge problem with it like I do.”

  
“Alex, you’re fine,” he sat down next to me on the log and looked down at me. “I promise.”

  
“Yeah, but…,” I trailed off, so he picked it up for me.

  
“What makes you nervous?”

  
I sighed, “At first, I thought it was just being ignorant of it, you know? I don’t know anything about sex, or sexual acts in general. Sasha and the rest had to explain foreplay to me, and masturbating, and the mechanics of sex.”

  
“Sasha explained masturbating to you?”

  
“Uh… I think Ymir was the one explained that to me.”

  
“That’s worse,” he said decidedly. “How long ago was that?”

  
“Two months, maybe? The day you first started doing cleaning duty with me.”

  
His eyebrows crinkled forward slightly, meaning he was trying to remember something, “I tried reaching up your shirt in Shadis’ room.”

  
I nodded, “Yeah…. I thought it was just because I didn’t really know what I was doing, and that is part of it. I like being organized and having control of what’s happening. Being unsure terrifies me. What if I do something wrong? What if I’m not any good?”

  
“No one is any good at sex the first time,” Reiner stated. “I was awful.”

  
“I- huh?”

  
He hesitated, and then said, “I haven’t told Bert about this, so don’t mention it to him. I’m not proud.”

  
“What?” I asked confused.

  
“I haven’t done this since we started at the Cadet’s Corps, but the last few months we were in the manual labor camps I slept around, like a lot. I had the opposite of the problem you’re having. I got curious about it, so I fucked the first person who was willing. It was a girl, she was maybe a few years older than me, I don’t remember. I had no clue what I was doing, and the girl was unsatisfied to say the least. After that, I just kept going. I was sleeping with both men and women around the camp.”

  
“Oh,” I said, unsure of what to think of that. “How many people?”

  
He crinkled his eyebrows again, and my stomach sank. If he had to do the eyebrow thing to think of how many people, it was a lot of people. “I’d say about ten to twelve. That’s not the part I was ashamed of though. I didn’t care about any of those people. That girl that I lost my virginity to, I don’t remember her name. I don’t know if I ever even knew her name. I wasn’t treating any of them like real people.”

  
I started to talk, and he interrupted me, “Sorry, I made that about me. My point was… uh....”

  
“I got your point,” I interrupted. “What do you mean, you didn’t treat them like real people?”

  
“I was being childish,” he explained. “Forget I said anything, I shouldn’t have-“

  
“No!” I interrupted. “You can tell me anything. I’m glad you told me.”

  
I didn’t like it, but what he was telling me happened over two years ago. There was nothing to be done about it now. I didn’t want him to think there was anything he couldn’t tell me, and I cared about that more, but one thing did bother me enough to ask, “Weren’t you fourteen then? How old were this people you were sleeping with?”

  
“Not much older. The oldest was maybe eighteen, and I looked a few years older than fourteen anyway.”

  
I didn’t have trouble believing that, Reiner looked to be at least twenty now, even though he was only sixteen.

  
“What were you going to say before?” he asked, still looking like he wanted to get the subject off of him.

  
“After I talked to them about it, I only felt a little better about it. They were great, and Sasha and Mina were definitely detailed….”

  
He snorted and I grinned at him before continuing, “Still, this is the fourth time I’ve tried just talking to you about this, and this is the first time I’ve even gotten anything out. I’m just as nervous about it as ever, and I don’t know why. It just feel like something is going to change. It seems like this huge thing, you know?”

  
“Nothing’s going to change, Alex. I’ll still love you, and you’ll still love me. It’s okay-“

  
“You’ve never told me that before.”

  
He stared at me for a second before asking, “I’ve never told you what?”

  
“You’ve never told me that you love me before.”

  
“I haven’t?” he seemed surprised.

  
“No,” I shook my head.

  
“You already knew though, right? I thought I made my feelings clear.”

  
“You’ve never said it,” I repeated, but he was right. He had done everything for me but say it. It hit me as hard as back when Reiner had slammed into me with the 3D maneuvering gear that I had been in love with him this whole time. Why did it take him saying it for me to realize it? Why did he know that I loved him before I did?

  
“I never told you that I loved you either,” I said, and I saw an ‘oh shit’ look flash in his eyes.

  
“You do love me, don’t you? I thought, even if we never said it- “

  
I interrupted him with a kiss, throwing myself at him and knocking us off the logs. He landed flat on his back and I straddled his hips while covering his face with kisses.

  
Between kisses, I said, “I- love- you! And- you- love- me!”

  
“Are you just figuring that out?” he said disbelief.

  
I pressed my forehead to his and nodded, and I couldn’t keep a goofy grin off of my face.

  
“You’re supposed to be the smart one,” he laughed. “Of course I love you.”

  
“How did you know that I loved you if I didn’t?” I asked, now nuzzling my nose into his cheek, overcome with the need to show affection.

  
“The same way that I thought you knew I loved you?” I pulled back from smothering him for a second to look at his face. He smiled up at me, clearly amused by my sudden burst of energy. He looked almost too handsome in that moment, and I leaned back down to kiss him again without realizing it. This kiss was much more tender, and slow. I spread my legs further so I was completely laying on top of him, and I heard a low hum come from him. Not quite a word or a moan, but enough to make a heat form in my core and my stomach do gymnastics.

  
Reiner broke the kiss to whisper against my lips, “Do you feel better?”

  
I pulled back a few centimeters and propped myself up on my elbows, “I think so.”

  
He sat up easily even though I was still on top of him, and wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from falling off his lap, “I need you to be sure.”

  
I realized that he meant now, and I hesitated before nodding. He raised his eyebrows and said, “You’re not sure.”

  
“I am!”

  
“Then what about Saturday?”

  
“What about it?”

  
“The night before our day off, we’ll sneak out again and you can do your part of the bet, and we’ll have all night together without worrying about waking up early. If you’re sure now, you’ll be sure then.”

  
I wanted to argue, but he was right. There was nothing wrong with waiting a few more days, and we did have to wake up early in the morning. I let him lead us back to the camp and saw that it wasn’t too long after lights out had been called, as some of the supervisors were still wondering around. We snuck around the perimeter to the side closest to the barracks, before darting to our respective ones and whispering goodnight.

  
The rest of the week trudged on longer than most. The revelation that I was actually in love with Reiner helped soothe my subconscious barrier to being intimate, but it didn’t help me during training. Between my excitement over Saturday night, and being unusually gooey over Reiner constantly distracted me from what I was doing during the day.

  
That Friday during combat training, I had agreed to be Annie’s sparring partner, which was never a good idea. She seemed to enjoy it because she claimed I was more of a challenge than most, but I disagreed. She took me down just as easily as anyone else. That particular day was the worst day possible to pair with her, as I wasn’t able to focus at all. She continuously put me on my ass, but she always did so I wasn’t really bothered.

  
It did bother her, though. She could tell I was barely paying attention to her, and that irritated her endlessly. After the fifth time my eyes accidently wondered over to Reiner, sweaty and handsome, on the other side of the field, she kicked my ribs so hard I was sure one of them cracked.

  
I hit the ground hard, and stayed in the dirt as I caught my breath from the pain, and glared up at her, “Was that necessary?”

  
“Who cares?” she said, with a hint of smugness.

  
“You’ve been coming at me hard all afternoon, what’s your problem?”

  
“I thought that was the point, right? We can’t improve unless we try, and you’re one of the ones who always used to talk about how important it is that we try our hardest and do the best we can.”

  
I glared at her, the sarcasm in her tone not lost on me. I wasn’t sure what she angry about, but I didn’t appreciate her taking out on me. “You’re trying to injury me, Annie. That’s too far for a training exercise.”

  
“You’d know if I was trying to injure you,” she countered. “I’m disappointed you’re giving up. You used to care about being a solider and “fighting for the walls” but now all you care about is him.”

  
I stood up and brushed some of the dirt off my pants, trying not to let myself get too angry. I took a breath before answering, “Caring about him doesn’t mean I don’t care about being a solider anymore.”

  
“Oh really? Is that why you’ve stopped trying in almost everything? You haven’t cared for months.”

  
“And you’ve never cared at all. You’ve always acted like you were above all of this. I’m still not sure why you’re even here, except maybe to join the military police. Why do you care about how much I try, if you don’t?”

  
The horn signaling the end of combat training for the day sounded and cut off Annie’s reply. I thought she’d continue with the argument, but instead she turned around and walked away towards the mess hall.

  
At lunch I choose to sit with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, not wanting to deal with Annie if she sat with the other girls, and not really wanting to talk to Reiner. I still had no clue why Annie went off on me for not paying the same amount of attention to training as before. Annie never bothered herself with things that didn’t concern her, and this most certainly did not. I wasn’t sure why she even cared enough to notice it was a problem.

  
Oh my god, I thought to myself. She’s right. It’s a problem.

  
There was nothing I could do to fix it at lunch, so I continued to eat and chat with my friends and brother and listened to Eren and Armin’s compliments about the more complicated 3DMG exercises. Mikasa and I occasionally offered advice, but I had learned that best way for them to get through their frustration was to let them rant while I sat back and listened.

  
After lunch, I tried to replicate the same enthusiasm I had the first year of being in the Cadet Corps during our classes and exercises. I hadn’t realized that I had become so relaxed before this week. How long ago did I stop caring? When Reiner had confessed his feelings for me at the end of winter? Was it before our winter trip into the mountains? I wasn’t sure, but I had to catch up on a lot.

  
That evening, we had another exercise involving the use of the dummie-titans. We were all assigned to sectors of the forest that we shared with ten or so other people, and were supposed to factor in gas usage, as well as depth as and accuracy of our cuts. This was a graded exercise that would count into our points for our final rankings the next spring. To my delight, Annie and I were in the same sector.

  
I flew through the trees, concentrating on every movement I made as well as my surroundings. As I neared one, I saw Annie coming at it from above. I was moving with enough momentum and speed to push myself toward the fake titan, making the cut and zooming by before Annie got to it. I looked over my shoulder to look at the cut I made before glancing at Annie’s surprised face. Since I rarely saw Annie surprised about anything, I was very pleased. I was also pleased to see on of the supervisors below, riding on horseback, taking notes of my accomplishment.

  
As we headed back to the main camp at the end of the exercise, Instructor Shadis nodded at me, “That was the best I’ve seen out of you in a while, Arlert. Keep it up.”

  
I smiled and thanked him, and as we walked I looked around for Annie’s face, and found her already staring at me with a curious look. I gave her a smile and mouthed, “Thank you.”

  
She rolled her eyes and started speed walking away, and I knew not press it beyond that. That would ruin Annie’s lone-wolf-who-doesn’t-give-a-fuck image, and who would Annie be without that?


	15. Chapter 15

Training and classes on Saturday were uneventful and went by slow. At dinner, I sat uncomfortably pressed between Bertholdt and Reiner as we listened to Mina, Hannah, and Marco make the plans to the lake the next day. Marco had a map and he and Jean were arguing that we go north instead of west and visit a pond that showed up on the map close to the camp. Mina and Hannah complained that it was much farther than the lake we already knew about, and we wouldn’t know the condition of the lake until we got there.

  
More people had joined the group since we decided to go earlier in the week, and they were all crowded around the dining table that was originally only Marco, Mina, Bert, Reiner, and me. Being squished in between two men who were both larger than me in width and length made it impossible to eat. Bert and Reiner’s elbows constantly bumped into me, and while Bertholdt apologized, Reiner snickered as he went out of his way to bump into me.

  
I pointedly ignored him throughout the meal, choosing to talk to Bertholdt instead. This only made him more persistent, and after he made me drop the soup in my spoon onto myself, I turned to glare at him, which made both him and Bert laugh loudly.

  
“You’re not funny,” I said, but I knew it wasn’t convincing as I could barely keep myself from smiling.

  
I dabbed at my shirt with my napkin and sighed. The soup made the cloth feel warm and sticky against my chest and I stood up, “Since I guess I can’t eat my dinner without getting covered in it, I’m done.”

  
“I’ll see you outside, right?” asked Reiner.

  
I smiled and nodded, assuring him that I hadn’t forgotten about our plans to sneak out tonight.

  
I took changed into my casual clothes and showered quickly and found Reiner and Bert out on the porch to the classroom buildings, laughing and talking. Bertholdt saw me first, and instead of returning my smile right away, something else flashed across his face, betraying some other emotion. Was it pain? Fear?

  
Guilt rushed through me again. I had almost forgotten that Bertholdt was in love with Reiner, too. He was so good at hiding it, and he easily stepped aside for me, which made my guilt worse. I was selfish, and I knew that. Just like Reiner had told me when he confessed his feelings towards me, I couldn’t let Reiner go even if it was the right thing to do.

  
Reiner turned to see me coming, and grinned, “Took you long enough.”

  
“I wasn’t gone long,” I protested, but I knew he was just teasing.

  
“Some people wash themselves when they shower, Reiner,” joked Bertholdt. “It helps with the smell.”

  
“I smell like I’ve got daisies coming out of my ass, thank you.”

  
Bertholdt and I laughed at his response, and the three of us stayed out on the porch laughing and talking until Bertholdt announced he was going to bed. Reiner and I stayed on the porch until Bertholdt walked away and left for the lake. I let Reiner lead the way, although I had learned the best tactics for sneaking out by now. There was never any instructors or officers around the side of camp with the obstacle courses at night. If you snuck in and out that way and walked around the back side of the buildings, it was very unlikely you’d be caught.

  
When we got out of hearing range of the camp, Reiner asked, “So are you sure about this still?”

  
“Of course, I am,” I answered, with no hesitation this time, which seemed to satisfy Reiner, and he changed the subject.

  
“Why’d you shower if you knew you were going to be jumping in a lake?”

  
I rolled my eyes, “Because some idiot made me spill my soup all over myself.”

  
“That could’ve been fixed with a rag. You’ll just have to wash yourself again when we get back.”

  
“Why? That water is clean, and I don’t see how I’d be able to shower after curfew without getting caught.”

  
He shrugged, “Fair enough.”

  
When we got to the lake, we stood awkwardly for a moment before I told him to turn around. He obeyed without questioning and stepped away a few feet and turned around. I started taking off my clothes one by one, carefully folding them and setting them in the grass away from the muddy sand. Nervousness started to return to me when the realization hit me that Reiner was about to see me naked. My body hadn’t developed as well as some of the girls’ bodies my age. My body was covered in lean muscle more than the soft curves that most women had. The thickest part of me were where my thigh muscles and my breasts were probably smaller than Reiner’s were.

  
After I was completely naked, I took a breath and asked, “How should I do this?”

  
He turned his head towards me and asked, “What do you mean?”

  
“I can’t really jump in because there’s nothing to jump off. There aren’t even any trees close enough to jump in.”

  
“I think just a running leap would satisfy the requirements.”

  
I nodded and took a few steps away from the shore to get ready, “You can turn around by the way.”

  
Reiner turned around with enthusiasm, which would’ve made me laugh except for how vulnerable I felt with being completely exposed. Reiner swallowed, looking up and down my body, “Have I ever told you that you’re beautiful?”

  
I blushed and shook it off, “Okay. I’m ready.”

  
I almost took off to run towards the shower when Reiner stopped me, “Wait. You’re too close. You’ve got to get a good running start.”

  
He grabbed my arm and lead e back several more feet, before nodding, “Okay, this is good enough. You’ve got to make it good one, though, or you have to do it again.”

  
“You didn’t say anything about that before.”

  
He shrugged, “It’s fair.”

  
I decided not to argue about it and turned towards the water. I took off running and when I reached the water, I took two strides into the water before jumping forward. I thought I’d dive into the water, but instead I hit the water with a loud flop. Flopping into the water while naked made the sting worse.

  
When I got up out of the water, I saw Reiner laughing uncontrollably. Between cackles, he got out, “Are you- okay?”

  
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I answered lamely, and he continued to laugh.

  
As he tried to recompose himself, I leaned back into the water. It was cool, and swimming bare was an oddly pleasant sensation.

“Are you going to get in or not?” I called out, and his grin wavered a little.

  
“You want me to get in too? I thought you were going to get out.”

  
“It feels good in here, come on! You don’t have to get naked if you don’t want to!”

  
He hesitated before starting pull off his clothes. He didn’t tell me to turn around as he undressed, so I figured that meant I could look at him freely. Reiner’s sculpted body was always something I enjoyed admiring. When he realized I was watching him he grinned and started to remove his pants even slower and turned to the side so I could get a better view of his ass. I rolled my eyes but didn’t complain.

  
Reiner left his underwear on, and he slowly waded into the water to me. I envied Reiner’s boldness and confidence. I had trouble making myself stand in the water to expose the rest of my body, much less flaunting myself the way Reiner seemed to do, but then I didn’t have a body like Reiner’s either.

  
When he reached me, he pulled me close and kissed me deeply. Before I could protest, he lifted me out of the water, so he wouldn’t have to bend so far to reach me. The cold air hit my skin and I shivered as Reiner kept kissing, moving slowly from my lips to my neck. I wrapped legs around his waist, gasping softly as he sucked on the crook of my neck, and I could feel a bulge growing and pressing into the back of my thigh.

  
Abruptly, Reiner pulled away from my neck and started to walk back to the shore, still carrying me. The way he held me close felt protective and sweet, and I allowed him to carry me out of the water as I clung hard to him for warmth.

  
“Did you not want to swim?” I asked.

  
“I had other plans in mind,” he explained, and his hot breath against my wet skin made me shiver again. “We can swim after if you still want to.”  
Once we reached the shore, Reiner continued to carry me towards the grass and laid us down, putting me on my back, and hovered over me without putting any weight on me. He resumed his assault with his lips, starting again with my mouth. I returned his enthusiasm and whined a little when he left my lips to trail down to my neck again. He continued down to my chest, and although I couldn’t see I knew he was leaving behind marks, but I loved the sensations too much to care at that moment.

  
When he reached my breasts, he pulled back and placed one hand on my ribs below my right breast, “You’re still all right with this, right? This is okay?”

  
“Yes,” I said, a little breathless even though I was laying down and not doing anything. “You don’t have to ask every time. Do whatever you want.”

  
“Whatever I want?” he repeated, sounding surprised.

  
I raised my head to look at him, and I bit my lower lip when I saw how gorgeous he looked. His face was above the space in between my breasts. His golden eyes glowed in the moonlight, his hair was rumpled just enough to be messy, and his lips were slightly swollen from kissing. The lustful heat in between my legs grew deeper just from the way he looked at me.

  
“Please. I trust you.”

  
He lifted his hand to move from my hands to squeeze my right boob and I gasped. He lowered his face to the left and kissed and sucked at the mound of flesh, still palming the other breast. When he lips made its way around and up until he reached the nipple at the center. As he started to suck and nibble, the other hand gently pinched my right nipple. A loud moan left my throat, and my backed curve almost on its own, pushing my chest into his face. He took this as encouragement to squeeze and suck harder before switching breasts. He repeated the same sequence with his mouth on my right boob, although this time the build up to the nipples felt more like teasing.

  
After finishing, he leaned back and pushed my legs further apart. Once he decided I was in a good position, he bent his head down and kissed where I didn’t expect him to. My legs bent and raised slightly, and he rearranged me so one leg was draped over his shoulder and the other lay out to the side. As he continued to work with his tongue, he slipped one finger inside of me, and I gasped. He allowed me a moment to get adjusted to the feeling before slowly moving his finger in and out, and then adding a second finger. I was glad we were far away from the camp because my moans were getting louder each time his tongue lapped over me. The sensations were much more intense and pleasurable then I imagined. I had tried doing what Ymir had instructed me to in the showers, but I couldn’t do anything like this. My hips started to buck into his mouth as I tried to make myself relax.

  
He didn’t seem to mind or notice the way I squirmed beneath him and continued to trace the same patterns with his tongue over my clit and push in and out with his fingers. My head started to roll back as my mind got increasingly hazy with the stimulation and pleasure. My incoherent moans turned into breathing out Reiner’s name over and over, which encouraged him to swirl his tongue at a quicker speed. I was reaching my peak, and my legs were starting to shake as I neared the edge and went over. Waves of pleasure washed through me as I cried out and came undone under Reiner’s mouth.

  
Reiner pulled away and smiled down at me, “You’re so damn beautiful.”

  
He leaned forward and down to kiss me. The taste of his lips wasn’t him anymore, or anything else I could recognize.

  
“That tastes awful.”

  
He chuckled, “It’s you.”

  
“I taste awful.”

  
He pressed his forehead to mine and said, “You’re exaggerating.”

  
I could now feel his large member through his underwear, which was still soaking wet from the lake. I went to move, and he let me sit up and remove the underwear. The size of it was overwhelming. I did not expect it to be that long or thick, and I was amazed that it was supposed to fit inside of me. I reached out to wrap my hand around him, but he grabbed my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand.

  
“Not tonight. This is your first time; this is all about you.”

  
“But that’s not fair.”

  
“Oh, trust me, I’m getting my enjoyment out of this. Just lay back and relax.”

  
I did as he said as he leaned over to where his piles of clothes were and dug in the pockets. When he returned, he had a condom one hand while pumping his other hand over his cock and put the condom on. The sight made me pulse quicken and when he settled back down on top of me I bit my bottom lip in nervousness and excitement.

  
“Are you ready?” I nodded my response, and he said, “This is will hurt a little.”

  
“I know. I can handle that.”

  
He smiled and adjusted my legs and himself. I could feel the head of him against me and he pressed his hands in the ground on either side of my head before slowly pushing in. It was agonizingly slow, and he stopped and stayed still before pulling out partway and pushing in again. The feeling wasn’t extremely painful, but it was uncomfortable. The sensations were foreign, and my body didn’t seem to like being stretched and full.  
Full of Reiner, said a sly voice in the back of my head, and a shiver ran up my spine at the thought.

  
“Is this okay?” he asked.

  
I nodded again, and said, “This is all right, you can go faster.”

  
He didn’t bother asking me twice this time and pushed in with less caution. I gasped slightly as he started to fuck me faster, and I looked up so I could at his face. He met my eyes and immediately leaned down to catch my lips in a messy kiss, still rolling his hips into me. I grabbed onto his arms and kissed back. Reiner broke the kiss and buried his head in the crook of my neck, breathing soft, deep moans against my skin.

  
The discomfort was starting to ebb away, and I was able to relax a bit more. As my body acclimatized to having him inside me, I started to wonder what the fuss was about this. It wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t any of the mind-blowing pleasure that people talked so highly of. Then Reiner’s cock brushed up against something inside me that made me understand. I cried out in bliss, and he must’ve realized that was the right spot, because he continued to fuck against that same spot repeatedly. The sensations brought stars to my eyes, and I whimpered out Reiner’s name in pleasure.  
When he heard his name leave my lips, Reiner started to increase his pace again and push in even deeper. He pulled himself back up and grabbed onto my hips as I continued to cry out and moan. I tried to bite my fist to quiet myself, but he stopped me.

  
“No one can hear you but me, and I want to hear you.”

  
I obeyed and continued to let myself yell his name and the heat in my core started to build up again. Before I could warn him, and explosion of pleasure rushed through me in waves and my walls constricted and pulsed around Reiner before completely relaxing.

  
Reiner stilled when he felt me come undone around him, and then continued his thrusts. The over-stimulation made me whine and cry louder, but it wasn’t long until I felt Reiner start to shake above me and he became still.

  
After he pulled out of me, I sat up a little and watched him discard the condom and return to wrap his arms around me. I ended up back in the grass, but this time Reiner was on his back and I had laid my head on his chest.

  
“Do you still want to swim?” he asked after a few moments, breaking the silence, and making me jump.

  
“Yes, I do,” I knew Reiner was just joking, but I got up and dragged him to the water with me.

  
I leaned back and floated on my back in the water, washing all the dirt and grass off me. Reiner waded next to me, more preoccupied with actively washing the dirt off him. I closed my eyes and let myself blissfully relax, and a few seconds later a splash of water hit my face. I yelped and sat up quickly, only for Reiner to catch me and hold me bridal style in the water.

  
“I love you,” he smiled down at me, ignoring the grumpy look on my face. “You’re not regretting anything?”

  
“No. I love you too, I’d never regret anything with you, and I’m glad I got over my anxiety. You’re amazing,” I smiled back at him and he looked away towards the shore, so I couldn’t see his face. I caught a glimpse of a shy, guilty look before he turned his head completely, which was unlike him. Reiner was never shy or ashamed about anything.

  
“Reiner?” I asked, and he looked back at me, the odd look gone and replaced with his normal grin.

  
“I’m glad you think so, Princess,” he pulled me closer to kiss me softly before saying, “but we need to get back.”

  
I agreed and reluctantly got out of the water to get dressed and walk towards camp. We took our time joking, stumbling, laughing, and holding hands.

  
The next morning, we went left and went on the trip to the lake with the others, and after bothering Annie all through breakfast, I convinced her to come last minute and let me try to teach her how to swim again. Sasha was helping me again, and we were making good progress with Annie, which was partially contributed to Annie’s previous athletic capabilities.

  
Halfway through the day, Connie and Thomas started making an uproar on the shore, and next to them, Eren, Armin, and Marco had disgusted looks on their faces. I was confused, as was everyone else in the water, until Connie held up a used condom for everyone to see, “Look what I found!”

  
Oh shit, I thought, horror flowing through me. Beside me, Sasha yelled, “Why are you touching it?!”

  
“Ew,” said Annie under her breath, but as I was still supporting her under the water, I still heard it and I could feel my face turn red. Luckily Annie didn’t notice, and I covered up quickly by agreeing with her.

  
“Completely disgusting.”

  
Later, after Annie insisted that we’d helped her enough and we leave her alone, I sought out Reiner, who was crouched in the water, and wrapped my arms around his neck and floated behind him. To everyone else, it looked like a sweet couple’s gesture, but only Reiner could hear me hiss in his ear, “You didn’t throw it away? You just tossed it in the grass?”

  
“What did you think I did with it?” he whispered back.

  
“I don’t know.”

  
“What could I have done with it? Did you expect me to carry it back to camp?”

  
“You could’ve thrown it away somewhere better or tied it up to throw away later.”

  
“I didn’t know Connie was going to be rummaging in the grass there. Besides, it doesn’t matter. No one knows.”

  
“No one knows what?”

  
We looked to see Marco wading towards us, but thankfully they only seemed to have heard the last part of what Reiner said.

  
“No one knows that you suck Jean’s dick at night,” responded Reiner without missing a beat.

  
“I d-do not!” Marco sputtered out, and I went with it to occupy his attention.

  
“You know, it’s okay Marco, we still love you, although you could do better than Jean.”

  
“You two aren’t funny,” Marco said while crossing his arms.

  
“I’m not being funny,” I insisted. “You really can do better than Jean.”

  
Reiner laughed at my comment, and said, “You know I’m kidding.”

  
Marco rolled his eyes but looked less upset and didn’t ask what we were talking about again before walking away.

  
“You’re an awfully good liar,” I commented after Marco was out of earshot again.

  
Reiner shrugged, “That wasn’t that good of lie.”

  
“Maybe not, but it was quick.”

  
In front of us, Connie and Sasha were starting to challenge other people to chicken fights. Reiner grinned and asked if I wanted to join, and I nodded. I climbed onto Reiner’s shoulders while calling out to the rest that we would accept their challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was on of the hardest chapters for me to write, so if you think I did well, please leave a review! This chapter, like the last few, came out later than I wanted due to getting preoccupied with my classes and studying, but summer break starts next week for me and I hope to get on a steady schedule for writing these updates after that. I’m also thinking that this will be the last chapter in the training arc, as I’m ready to get to the action. If anyone is interested thinks they want more in the training squad arc, I could write more and post them as side pieces or flashbacks. Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

That summer was short, and so was the following winter. Soon graduation day was approaching, and when it was less than a month away, all the cadets were excitedly planning on where to go next: the garrison, the survey corps, and for some, the military police. We wouldn’t know who would be eligible for the MPs until the end of April, and those who wanted to get in were frantically trying to get as much points as possible to qualify for the top ten, which was pointless. It had probably already been decided at that point.

  
Reiner had started talking about the military police and become more persistent with each conversation. Reiner had known for a long time that my plans were to join the survey corps, but as it came time to make those plans official he started to challenge it more. The first conversation we had about it was uncomfortable, and it got worse each time. He started to push the military police more aggressively, and I got more annoyed every time he brought it up.

  
As we got closer to the end, the topic of where to go next become impossible to avoid. Bertholdt, who for the last several weeks had been more normal partner during hand to hand combat and academic lessons, started to question me about it as well during training.

  
Our training that day was for one person to charge another and try to stab them with a wooden knife, while the other tried to disarm them. At first, Bert was the attacker and I was on the defensive. Bert’s height was an advantage, he could come at me quicker with less strides, and lunge deeper. He liked to use his long legs to lunge forward and quickly go from out of reach to too close.

  
When he lunged at me with his right leg and jutting the wooden knife towards my stomach in an upper cut position with his left hand, I expected it and dodged to my left. I had learned from experience that when Bert lunged, it was best to go to the opposite side of his back leg or he would roundhouse kick you with it. The problem was that also meant going to the opposite side of him from the knife, which was good not getting stabbed, but not good for getting the knife from him. Before Bertholdt could pivot to face me, I kicked the ankle supporting the back leg, causing him to fall on that knee, and grabbed the closest arm and pinned it behind his back. Just as I was about grab the wrist from behind him, he swung his free arm over his head and towards me and came very close to smashing the fake knife into my nose. It stopped an inch away from my face.

  
“Damnit,” I sighed as I let him go and let him stand up.

  
“Language,” he said in a fake stern voice, and I rolled my eyes.

  
During my turn, I was able to poke the knife into his side, just below his ribs, which made me feel better about losing in the last round. As I tossed the knife back to him, I asked, “Don’t you think this is odd?”

  
“What? A wooden knife?”

  
“No. This is one of the few exercises that isn’t counted in the scoring that determine ranks, but the ranks are designed to determine who can be allowed to join the military police. This is also one of the few exercises that would only be useful to those wanting to join the military police. Isn’t that odd?”

  
“Maybe,” Bertholdt shrugged, “but I wouldn’t say that these exercises are only of use to the MPs. You never know what kind of situations you’ll end up in.”

  
“I guess. But the survey corps’ primary objective would scarcely allow use of these skills. They’d need someone who’s better at using swords and the gear, which is heavily weighted in scoring for the military police.”

  
“You’re not interested in joining the military police, right? So why does it matter?”

  
“I suppose it doesn’t. It’s just odd, like I said.”

  
Bertholdt assumed the position that signaled he was going to attack with the knife again, and I readied myself, this time managing to take the knife from him before he stuck me with it. When it was my chance to attack, he got the knife from me.

  
Before we repeated the exercise again, Bertholdt stopped to ask, “Why aren’t you interested in joining the military police?”

  
“Have you been talking to Reiner?”

  
“Of course, he’s my friend. I talk to him every day.” I scoffed, and he continued, “I’m asking because I’m curious, not because he asked me to. Almost everyone here would love to join the military police and have a secure life in the interior. You should want that more than anyone. You grew up with titans roaming around in your backyard, and your city was trampled by them. You haven’t had security your whole life, why don’t you want it now that you could?”

  
“I’m not guaranteed a spot in the top ten like you, Reiner, and Mikasa. You all could probably go ahead and send in your applications to them and they’d accept you. I probably won’t be in the top ten.”

  
“That’s not true. You’re near the top of the class in every subject.”

  
“I’m not the top of the class in anything,” I countered, and he shook his head.

  
“That doesn’t matter here. They look at your overall score, and since you’re one of the few people who don’t fall below average in any area, you’re going to have a really high score.”

  
“Not as high as yours or Reiner’s,” I said, and looking behind Bertholdt, I saw a scene that would distract him from the conversation about scores and military police. “Speaking of Reiner…”

  
Bert turned around to see what I was looking at. Reiner was pushing Eren at an angry looking Annie, while exclaiming with a mischievous look on his face, “Now go get her!”

  
“Is Reiner trying to kill Eren?” asked Bert.

  
“He might as well be. C’mon, this will be fun!”

  
I moved towards the scene, so we could get a better look and hear what they were saying, and Bert followed me. We stopped and picked a spot near Reiner was standing so we could pretend to still be doing the exercise, and Eren charged at Annie, holding the knife with both hands ready to strike.

  
Annie easily side stepped him and swung out with her leg at his shins, knocking him down. It must’ve hurt, because Eren fell back down after trying to put weight back on the leg she kicked. Turning to Reiner she asked, “Are we done here?”

  
“You know the procedure, Annie, you’ve got to get the knife.”

  
Annie rolled her eyes, but turned and started to walk towards Eren, who had just managed to get back on his feet.

  
“W-wait, Annie, there’s a certain way you’re supposed to do this- “

  
Annie didn’t seem to hear him, instead grabbing him while kicking out at him again with her legs, flipping him over so that he landed on his back with his butt up in the air and legs folded over his head. Bert and I chuckled to ourselves, and by now most of the groups around us had stopped to watch.

  
Reiner looked scared, especially when Annie looked at him and tossed to knife towards him, “There. Are you ready to take me on yourself yet or what?”

  
“Uh,” Reiner looked at the knife and then back at her, “Not exactly.”

  
“Do it, Reiner,” Eren was still in the same position on the ground and was looking up at Reiner from between his legs. “Someone has got to teach her a lesson, right? You go get her.”

  
Reiner grimaced, and said, “Yeah, I guess a solider can’t afford to back down either. All right, here I come!”

  
A few seconds later, Reiner ended up in the same position on his back with his legs over his head. Bertholdt kept his amusement quiet, while I laughed loudly.

  
As Eren walked after Annie to question her about her fighting skills, I grabbed Reiner’s legs and pushed them back over his head, still giggling.  
Reiner stayed flat on his back for a moment, looking up at me, “Do you really think it’s that funny to watch me get hurt?’

  
I stuck out my hand to help him to his feet, smiling at him, “You’re fine, she didn’t hurt you that bad.”

  
“Besides, it was your fault, you should’ve known not to antagonize Annie,” chimed in Bertholdt as Reiner got to his feet.

  
“I thought it’d be funny,” said Reiner.

  
“And it was!” I smiled, and Reiner gave me an annoyed side-eye.

  
“Braun, Hoover, Arlert! Get back to work! No slacking off!”

  
“Yes sir!” we answered in unison, and Bert and I turned toward each other to continue while Reiner turned to look for Eren.

  
“Hey! Annie stole my partner!” I looked over to see Annie pin Eren to the ground, and shove the wooden knife towards his neck, before getting up and helping Eren off the ground.

  
“That’s also your fault,” said Bertholdt. “Just work with us.”

  
Reiner nodded and stood to the side to watch while Bert came at me with the knife once again. Instead of lunging at me, he ran at me. It was different from Bertholdt’s normal rhythm, but I still managed to side step out of the way. When he slashed out for me with the knife again, I grabbed his arm and twisted it into a z-shape, while pushing the arm towards his chest, causing him to let go of the knife.

  
I picked it up for him and waited for him to get ready, and when he nodded, I ran at him. I was too short to try to raise the knife up, so I aimed for his midsection. Bertholdt expected this and blocked me easily, pushing my arm out of the way. I lost my balance for a second but managed to hold on to the knife and jump to the opposite side of his right fist which swung out at me. His left arm still guarded his body, meaning I couldn’t try to stab him yet as I’d have to reach across that arm. I side stepped back in front of him quickly while slashing out towards his neck with the knife, and he barely stepped back in time for the wood to miss him. He kicked out at my legs to knock me down, and at the same time I was cutting back towards him with the knife at the end of the arch of my previous attempt. The dull wood slashed across the fabric of his shirt on the right side of his chest just as his kick collided with my legs and I hit the ground.

  
“You two are being serious, huh?” asked Reiner, who I had forgot was still watching us. “Come at me, Bertholdt.”

  
I handed him the knife as I stood up and watched Bert and Reiner go at it. Although Bertholdt was still able to hit Reiner with the blade of the knife, Reiner had put up a much better fight than I had seen him do before. In fact, they were both moving much quicker and using more complicated moves than I had seen them do before. When Reiner came at him, I noticed that Bertholdt’s defenses were much tougher than they had been against me, and Reiner still broke through and managed to put the knife to Bert’s throat.

  
I let Reiner catch his breath before I said, “It’s you and me now, right?”

  
“Yeah, you ready?”

  
I put my hands up and nodded. Reiner came at me the same way he came at Bertholdt, but there was less force behind it, and he seemed to be moving a little slower. After dodging and blocking his first few attacks, I could tell for sure he wasn’t using the same speed and skill he had against Bertholdt. I was able to easily grab one of his arms as he swung, and I turned and flipped him onto his back, although not as gracefully or perfectly as Annie had. Reiner’s legs were still below his waist.

  
“Don’t you think my back’s hit the ground enough today?” he joked, and I gave him a soft smile before asking them both.

  
“Have you two been going easy on me this whole time?”

  
“What?” said Reiner while I turned to Bert.

  
“You were harder on him then you have been on me, and you used moves on him I’ve never seen you do before. Why is that? You aren’t going easy on me cause I’m a girl, right?”

  
Bertholdt shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  
Reiner laughed a little before putting a hand on my shoulder, “You’re pretty, Alex, and I love you, but I don’t like getting thrown on my back multiple times a day. I wouldn’t let you do that just because you’re a girl.”

  
Before I could question him again, the bell rang sounding for lunch, and Reiner grabbed the knife off the dirt and he and Bertholdt started to leave. I followed quickly. Keeping up with them and their long legs was hard enough without letting them get a head start.

  
That night at dinner, I sat at a table with Reiner, Bert, and Connie, and the conversation was thankfully light hearted, but behind us Jean was being loud and talking about getting in the military police with Marco.

  
“Man, wouldn’t it be great?” sighed Marco. “Working within a stone throw from the King. There’s no higher honor than that.”

  
“Cut the misty-eyed bullshit, Marco,” Jean slapped the back of Marco’s head while he took a swallow out of his cup, causing the drink to splash all over him. “We’re not children. Honor doesn’t have a part in it. You just want a nice, cushy job in the interior being a glorified sentry.”

  
“That’s not true! That’s not true at all! Listen, you guys- “

  
“Interior? You know, up until five years ago, this was a part of the interior.”

  
The interrupting party was, of course, Eren. He had never been able to not pick a fight with someone he didn’t agree with, and it didn’t seem he agreed with Jean on anything.

  
“Oh shit, here we go,” whispered Connie with a grin on his face. He enjoyed watching the discourse between Eren and Jean as much as I did.

  
“You got a point, Eren?” Jean responded.

  
“Poor Jean, so misguided,” said Eren coolly, and I almost snorted. I had known Eren too long to take him seriously when he tried to act big and cool. “Besides, I don’t think your head would fit in the interior anyway.”

  
Jean’s eyebrow twitched, and those listening to the exchange laughed at Eren’s insult. Reiner snorted his drink out of his nose, some of it spraying on Bertholdt, who sat next to me and across from Reiner.

  
“Sorry,” said Reiner sheepishly as Bert gave him an annoyed look and I handed Bert my napkin.

  
“It seems a little backwards to me,” continued Eren. “Fine tuning your titan killing skills to be assigned to a station where you’ll never see one.”

  
Jean scowled at him, “Would you rather I was good at getting killed? No thank you. Better to play the system than get gnawed on.”

  
“You son of a bitch!” Eren rose from his seat quickly, and Jean also stood.

  
“Bring it on you little bastard!” The two approached each other until they were nose to nose with Eren grabbing the front of Jean’s shirt.

  
I was turned halfway around in my seat now, so I could watch the scene. It was a very typical one for them, and was starting to get boring. Even before we joined the training corps, Eren picked fights like this with loud people whose ideal conflicted with his own. Back in the refugee camps I would try to intervene and stop Eren from getting in trouble or hurt, but here I thought it was best to let Eren deal with it himself. No one here would hurt him too bad for his mouth, and if he got in trouble with the superiors for fighting, that’s mean he’d might eventually stop.

  
Thanks to Reiner and Mikasa, though, that almost never happened. This time, it was Mikasa who tried to break them apart.

  
“Gentlemen, please,” Mikasa stepped in between them, grabbing Eren’s hand so he let go of Jean and gently putting it back at Eren’s side.  
Eren and Mikasa stared hard at each for a moment before Eren broke their gaze to look at his feet. For a split second, Eren looked ashamed for starting a fight and upsetting Mikasa. It didn’t last very long.

  
Jean grabbed the front of Eren’s shirt and yelled, “You think you can judge me, huh?”

  
“You rip this shirt and you’re dead!” Eren’s rage returned as soon as Jean touched him, completely forgetting about not wanting to upset Mikasa.  
“I don’t care about the shirt, you piss me off!” Jean’s face was riddled with anger, and what I took to be jealousy. Jean knew that the reason Mikasa interrupted their argument was because she cared about Eren, not him. Jean also knew that Eren didn’t know that. I had to admit that I felt sympathy for Jean in that sense. If Reiner liked someone else, but that person had no clue and took Reiner’s affections for granted, I’d probably hate that person too.

  
“Are you crazy?” Eren shouted back, looking at him now with more disbelief. He really was oblivious to other people’s feelings.

  
Eren stared at him like that for a half second longer before donning a more determined, but still angry, expression and grabbing Jean’s wrist. Before Jean could do or say anything else, Eren put the palm of his other hand to Jean’s chest, knocking him off balance, and stepped forward to kick Jean’s opposite ankle. This successfully knocked Jean’s feet out from under him, and he hit the ground on his back with a loud grunt.

  
Around the room a few people gasped, surprised at the skill of Eren’s move. While everything that happened up to this point had been a typical Jean and Eren fight, that wasn’t. They normally threw angry, uncoordinated punches until someone broke them up before they got in trouble. I was also surprised that Eren was able to think while he was angry, but I knew where he got that from. I was Annie’s sparring partner enough times to recognize her style of fighting.

  
Jean was still on the ground sat up to glare at Eren, “Damnit. What was that?”

  
“A little something I picked up this afternoon while you had your thumb up your ass,” Eren resumed his “cool guy” act from earlier, and while he had just done something cool and impressive, I still had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes at him again.

  
“You really think the military police is your ticket to a good life?” Eren continued. “You’re not a soldier. You’re a joke.”

  
Oh shit, I thought, while the room got quiet again. Everyone was staring at Jean and Eren, waiting for Jean’s response.

  
On the opposite side of the room, the door that lead to the outside porch slowly creaked open, and everyone quickly turned back around to face their plates. Instructor Shadis’ face peaked through the open doorway, staring down the room.

  
“What was all that ruckus I heard just now? I do hope everything is alright,” the threat is Shadis’ tone was hard to miss.

  
Everyone stayed quiet while Eren and Jean resumed their seats, and after a moment I heard Mikasa’s voice call out from behind me, “Sasha passed gas again, Commander.”

  
“Whaaa?” I didn’t turn around to look at Sasha, but I could imagine the look of horror on her face, and across from me Reiner and Connie were shaking while trying not to let their laughs escape in front of the Shadis.

  
“Why am I not surprised? For the love of god, Braus, learn some self control.”

  
Shadis left, and conversation resumed across the room. Behind me, I could hear Sasha whining to Mikasa about throwing her under the wheel.

  
“Well at least something was accomplished by you throwing Eren at Annie,” I commented, and Reiner shrugged back.

  
“I guess so.”

  
While leaving dinner, Reiner placed his hand on my back, gently but firmly steering me away from where our other friends were headed.

  
I looked up at him with fake surprise. I knew he was going to try to get me alone so that he could try to talk to me about the military police again, especially after witnessing the fight between Jean and Eren.

  
“Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked, smiling down at me with his charming smile that usually made me cave in to whatever he wanted.

  
“How about the library?” I suggested. It was a fair compromise. There wasn’t anyone in there at this time of night, but there was still a chance of being interrupted.

  
Reiner turned directions to steer us towards the classroom building, but asked, “Haven’t you read everything in there by now?”

  
“Probably,” I admitted. “But we have less than a month left here. I should reread my favorites while I still have the chance.”

  
He nodded, and we walked the rest of the way in silence. When we got to the library, I picked out a random fantasy book I had read before and curled up in one of the chairs to read it. Reiner took more time looking through the different titles. He rarely came there unless he went with me or Bertholdt. I was able to read the first through pages in silence before he spoke up.

  
“You know, the military police have access to libraries bigger than this one, and they have all different types of libraries. I’m sure you could find copies of all these books in Stohess and a bunch of new ones.”

  
I stayed silent for a few seconds before answering him with an uninterested tone, “Is that so?”

  
“And even after you would leave Stohess and get assigned somewhere else, wherever you would go would have large libraries too. Like the one in Shiganshina that you loved.”

  
I nodded without commenting, and for a few moments he didn’t say anything. I could hear him continue to walk along the book shelves behind me, but he didn’t make any noises otherwise. For a moment, I almost believed he would drop the conversation.

  
“ALEXANDRIA! LOOK AT ME!”

  
I jumped and dropped the book I was holding, and then sat frozen in the chair, stunned. Reiner rarely raised his voice in anger, and it was even rarer for him to yell at me. I knew that my evasiveness was annoying him, but I wasn’t aware that I was making him that angry. After a moment I did turn around to look at him. He was staring at me with his arms crossed and a deep scowl, now obviously angry.

  
“Why won’t you talk to me?” he asked, the stern expression on his face breaking a little, and I realized he wasn’t angry as much as he was frustrated and upset. “Haven’t you said before that we should be able to talk about anything right? So why won’t you talk to me about this?”

  
I stood up quickly and walked closer to him, the forgotten book falling to the floor from where it had landed in my lap. “Reiner… I wasn’t trying to make you upset, or mad. I’m sorry, I just don’t…. What do you want me to say?”

  
Guilt was seeping its way into me the more his hurt seeped its way into his face. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t one for confrontation, but I should’ve known putting this off would only make it worse for us.

  
“Just talk to me! Don’t blow me off and avoid me!” he uncrossed his arms and put them on his hips. “You haven’t even told me why you don’t want to join the military police.”

  
“You know why I don’t, Reiner!”

  
“No, I don’t. I think I know why, but I don’t know for sure cause you won’t tell me.”

  
“Well what do you think it is?” I asked. “I can tell you if you’re right.”

  
“I’d imagine it’s something like what Eren thinks.”

  
“Sort of.”

  
He sighed and rubbed his temples, going over to a nearby chair to sit down. I followed him and sat down next to him and started to rub his back, which was tenser than I thought. I still felt guilty for causing him to be so stressed over this, and I knew I had to stop giving him short and vague answers.

  
“I’m sorry.”

  
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  
“I’ve made you upset.”

  
He waved his hand, saying, “I’m fine.”

  
“Do you remember what I told you and Bertholdt the second night we were here at this camp?”

  
“Huh?” he gave me a confused look, so I continued.

  
“You, Bert, Eren, and Armin were going for a walk outside of the camp, and Armin saw me outside and asked me to go with you all. It was the first night we went to go to that spot overlooking the lake.”

  
“We talked about why we were joining military,” he nodded, now remembering. “You said… something about a soldier from… that day. You said you wanted to be like him and his comrades. You wanted to do what you could to defeat the titans and save people from getting eaten.”

“That’s the gist of it,” I said. “Back then you said I was brave for wanting to fight titans.”

  
“You are brave, but I said that before I fell in love with you. Now when I think about you going off to fight titans, all I can imagine is you getting eaten alive.”

  
I looked at my feet and didn’t respond. I had no idea what to say to that. I had always thought I was good at comforting and being a solid rock for those around me, but I didn’t think there was a way to comfort him about this.

  
“I understand, Alex, I do. You want to be a hero and take the courageous path. You feel like your life will have meaning if you join the survey corps and do what you can to kill the titans, or die trying,” he said the last part with a darker tone and paused before continuing. “But what about us? If you join the survey corps, we won’t have much of a future together. I don’t have to read the book about the history of the survey corps to know that their death rate is high. There is no guarantee of either of lasting long there, and if you joined them and I joined the military police it’d be impossible to have a real relationship. The survey corps don’t live like other soldiers; few of them get to have families, and part of that is because of their high death rate.”

  
“Families?” I repeated. “You want a family?”

  
“It’d be nice to have a family one day, don’t you think? If we stayed in the military police, we could have a future like that. For the first year or so we’d have to stay in Stohess, and we could get married during that time to make sure we aren’t assigned to stations in different cities after our training. If you want to, of course.”

  
“Of course I’d want to, Reiner, I’d love to have a future with you.”

  
“Really? Are you sure?” Reiner’s smile lit up, and he looked like an excited puppy dog for a moment, as if he had expected me to object to having a family with him. Which made saying what I had to say next difficult.

  
“Yes. But….”

  
“But?” he raised his eyebrows at me, dropping the happy puppy dog look.

  
“It’s just not as simple as ‘Oh, I want a future with Reiner, so this is what I’ll do.’ There’s more going on here,” I sighed, feeling horrible for saying that. “Can I tell you something a little odd?”

  
“What’s that?”

  
“I just honestly don’t like the military police. I never have.”

  
“You mean as an organization?”

  
I shrugged, “I guess. Even when I was a girl, the MP soldiers that patrolled Shiganshina always scared me. They were stricter than the garrison soldiers, and I felt like they looked down at us. Which in hindsight, that could’ve only been because we were dirty little children playing and fighting in the streets. You were a refugee stuck working the fields, though, right?”

  
“I was. I’ve told you that before; Bertholdt, Annie, and I were together cleaning out trees for crops.”

  
“Right. We were apart of the groups of refugees working the fields, but the MPs came to observe you, too, right? I hated them during that time. They used to look down their nose at us and complain that we weren’t working hard enough. They blamed the famine on us. I still understand why other people would want to join. It has a lot of benefits, as you keep pointing out, and it is a great honor. I just don’t think it’s for me.”

  
Reiner nodded, “I don’t think that’s odd. I think it’s understandable. The MPs we meet back then were shitty to us, too. But they don’t represent the entire organization, Alex.”

  
“I know that,” I sighed.

  
“Hey, think about this way,” Reiner said, reaching out to grab my hand and squeeze. “If you did join the military police, you could help bring about change and eventually wash out all the corrupt MPs.”

  
“Maybe,” I said, now considering the possibility. “That still wouldn’t change the want to join the survey corps. I think you’re right; I want to be a hero, and I’m like Eren. Eren’s always wanted to join the them, but I had no interest until that day. They trampled all over my home and took it, and they started the famine that took my grandpa away. It became personal, just like it did for Eren. The titans destroyed your hometown too, right? Can’t you relate to that?”

  
“I suppose I can. Will you agree to think about it? For me?”

  
I nodded, “It’s a lot to think about.”

  
“It is,” he agreed. “Which is why I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for the past month.”

  
The slight passive aggressive tone wasn’t lost on me, and I sighed, “I’m sorry. I honestly wasn’t trying to upset you or frustrate you. I was trying to not upset you by avoiding a fight.”

  
“Did we have a fight?” he asked, and I felt like a scolded child.

  
“Not really, we didn’t. I thought we were, though.”

  
Reiner reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled it up to him and kissed the back of my hand. It was a sweet and comforting gesture that he started to do more often that made my chest swell.

  
“I’m sorry I yelled. I shouldn’t have.”

  
I shook my head, “It’s fine.”

  
Reiner looked away and nodded his head at the book still laying on the ground a few feet away from us, “Are you still interested in reading that book?”

  
I shook my head, and he gave me his mischievous half smile, “How long until you think we get ran out of here?”

  
“We might have a little a bit,” I smiled as Reiner was already trying to pull me out of my chair and into his own.


	17. Chapter 17

In less than a month, we found ourselves back in Trost on the day of the disbandment ceremony. We were told that some higher ups would be present for the ceremony, and that we had to make ourselves look presentable. Which lead me to giving last minute haircuts to Reiner, Bertholdt, Eren, and Armin in one of the least populated courtyards outside of the military headquarters in Trost. I did Armin first; his bowl cut was the easiest to maintain and keep how he liked it.

  
“Who do you think will be in the top ten?” asked Armin.

  
“I really don’t care, but I hope Jean’s not,” I was working on Eren’s hair at the moment, and he always moved his shoulders and head with him when he talked. I reached out and pinched his ear with my free hand.

  
“Don’t move so much! If I mess up, you’ll regret it, not me.” When Eren leaned back in his chair, I ran fingers back through his hair and continued to snip the locks at the back of his head, “Besides, it shouldn’t matter to you what happens to Jean.”

  
“Okay, Mom, I got it.”

  
Even though I couldn’t see Eren’s face, I could imagine him rolling his eyes in the same fashion he used to roll them at Carla, an expression he usually saved for Mikasa.

  
“You know, Eren, she could scalp you right know with those scissors, and then you’d have to go to the ceremony tonight with parts of your hair missing,” Reiner chimed in.

  
“I don’t think you know what scalping means,” I walked around Eren in the chair to make sure his sides were even and then leaned down in front of him and started sniping his bangs, so they didn’t fall so close to his eyes.

  
Bertholdt interrupted Reiner’s response, “It feels odd that today is our last day as trainees.”

  
“All things come to an end,” sighed Armin.

  
“Yeah,” Eren added. “But just imagine what we’ll go on to do!”

  
“Eren!” I yelled. He moved his shoulders and head again in his enthusiasm, just as I was cutting one of the locks above his right eye. As a result, my cut went up farther than it should’ve, and at an angle, too. My eyes went wide, and I took a step back to look at it.

  
“What happened?” asked Eren worriedly, and I put a hand over my mouth while shaking my head.

  
Armin, Bertholdt, and Reiner walked around to stand next to me and look at him. Reiner laughed loudly, clutching his stomach while Armin and Bertholdt tried to keep a straight face.

  
“It could be worse,” Armin offered in consolation, and Bert snickered.

  
“What happened?!” Eren started to stand, and I pushed him back down.

  
“It’s alright, I can fix it. You’re bangs will just be a little shorter than normal.”

  
“Damnit, Alex,” Eren grumbled.

  
I ignored him and set to work on trying to fix the mistake, while Reiner chastised him, “Hey now, she warned you about not sitting still. Don’t get mad at her about it.”

  
The boys continued to chat and bicker while I focused on fixing Eren’s bangs, cutting the rest of the hairs to better match the messed-up piece, and then trying to sweep the bangs more to the sides to make it look better. This wasn’t the only time I had messed up Eren’s hair because he couldn’t sit still, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

  
“You’re next, Bertholdt,” I announced, stepping back to let Eren out of the chair.

  
“Is it bad?” Eren asked, and I shook my head no.

  
Eren frowned at me, and turned to Reiner and Armin while Bert took his place in the chair, “Is it bad?”

  
“It could be worse, but it’d be better if you had sat still,” Reiner replied while Armin nodded.

  
“Just don’t mess mine up, please,” Bertholdt joked and I rolled my eyes while starting to work on him.

  
“It’s not like I can do any worse than Reiner used to.”

  
“I was just defending you, you know. And besides, I tried my best. That’s what matters.”

  
Bert and I laughed, and I half listened to Armin and Eren trying to predict the top ten members. Bertholdt’s and Reiner’s hair were a lot easier to cut than Eren’s and Armin’s. Their preferred hair styles were much simpler, and after I had started dating Reiner and learned he and Bertholdt were cutting their own hair, I insisted I did it for them. I may not be an expert, but I had a little bit of experience cutting hair for Mikasa, Eren, and Armin, and even they could admit I did it better than them.

  
While I worked, I thought about what Bertholdt had said before. This was our last day as trainees. I had known it was coming for a while, but the realness of it was just starting to seep in. The friends I had seen every day for three years, I may not see again for a long time. I also hadn’t decided on whether I’d follow Reiner to the military police brigade if I made the top ten or not. The idea of being separated from him left a bad feeling inside me, but I had joined the military with the intention of eventually joining the survey corps with Eren. Would it be right to forget that for Reiner?

  
The topic hadn’t been mentioned between Reiner and I since the night we argued in the library, but I was sure he would bring it up again after the rankings were announced tonight. I wasn’t completely convinced I would make the top ten, despite Reiner and Bertholdt insisting that I would. There was over two hundred people finishing training, so you had to be good to get in the top ten. I was often praised by the instructors during 3DMG training and got good marks in physical evaluations and in the classroom. Still, there was no guarantee.

  
As I ran my fingers through Bertholdt’s hair, I announced that he was done, and motioned for Reiner to take his place after Bert stood up. Reiner’s hair was the simplest to cut out of the four of them. He kept it too short to worry about styling it at all.

  
“You’re being unusually quiet,” commented Reiner, startling me. It was the first time he had spoken since he sat down. “Is something wrong?”

  
“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking.” I didn’t want to admit in front of them all how worried I was about not being in the same military branch as Reiner. “I was reminiscing. All of our friends might get split up in a few days.”

  
“Yeah…” Reiner sighed, but was being especially careful not to move around so I wouldn’t mess up his hair like Eren’s. “Everything’s going to change in the next few days.”

  
Eren and Armin nodded and voiced their agreement, but Bert gave Reiner an odd look that I couldn’t place the emotion behind. I wondered for a moment about what that meant, but Reiner and Bertholdt were lifelong friends. They often exchanged looks or words that I didn’t understand the meaning behind, and I had come to accept that.

 

The disbandment ceremony was shorter than I expected it to be, and mostly consisted of Shadis lecturing us about the threat of the titans, focusing on the tragedy five years ago, ending with the rallying cry we had heard many times before.

  
“Dedicate your hearts!”

  
“Yes sir!” We yelled back in unison.

  
Another man stepped forward holding a small piece of paper in his hand, “Today, you all have completed your military training. I will now announce the ten who have achieved the top training results. Come forward if I call your name.”

  
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the people around me start to get fidgety. There was almost 220 people graduating from the southern training squad, and almost all of them wanted a place in the top ten so that they could join the military police.

  
“At the head of the class, Mikasa Ackerman.”

  
_Of course she’s number one_ , I thought to myself, half-proud half-jealous. _As if anyone else had a chance._

  
“Second, Reiner Braun.”

  
I watched Reiner walk out of line down the row from me towards the front with my peripheral vision. He walked confidently with a small smirk on his face, and I had to bite back my smile.

  
“Third, Bertholdt Hoover. Fourth, Annie Leonhardt. Fifth, Eren Yeager. Sixth, Alexandria Arlert.”

  
I walked forward to take my place next to Eren, trying hard to keep a straight face in front of my superiors. After me, Jean, Marco, Connie, and Sasha were called, and he continued.

  
“After you leave here tonight, you will have three options. The Garrison, whose job is to enforce the walls. The Survey Corps, who ride out into Titan territory to reclaim what was once ours. The Military Police, who maintain law and order under the order of His Royal Majesty. Those who eligible to join the MP regiment have already been named. Please choose wisely.”

  
The ceremony ended as soon as it began, and before long I found myself in a crowded room with my fellow trainee graduates. Dinner was over, and many were milling around the room conversing while nursing their drinks. I ended up leaning against the wall closest to the door with Samuel, Mina, Mikasa, Eren, Thomas, and Armin. Armin was the only one leaned against the wall with me, and we were carrying a conversation amongst ourselves.

  
“I can’t believe Eren beat me out for the top five. I mean, I know he’s worked his butt off, but so have I!”

  
Armin gave me an exasperated side eye, “Weren’t you saying earlier that you’d be surprised if you made it into the top ten?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“And now you’re complaining you weren’t in the top five?”

  
“It’s not that I didn’t make the top five, it’s that Eren made the top five and not me,” I glanced over at Eren and Mikasa, but they were paying more attention to their conversation with Samuel, Mina, and Thomas.

  
“Don’t be like that,” Armin nudged my arm. “Making 6th out of 220 cadets is really good, it doesn’t matter who’s number five. You should be proud. I’m proud of you.”

  
He said the last part slightly softer than the rest, and I turned my head in time to see a slightly sad look cross his face.

  
“Were you upset about not making the top ten?” I asked.

  
“No, not really. I expected to not make it. I really don’t have any wants to join the military police, and I knew that a lot of my physical and athletic scores were low, and those count more. But seeing you, Eren, and Mikasa all at the front…”

  
“I wouldn’t worry about it. You were the top in the classroom. You’ll still go on to do better things than the rest of us. I bet you’d be great as an engineer for the garrison.”

  
Before Armin responded, both of our attentions were caught by Thomas, who had yelled suddenly, causing most of the room to look at him and Eren.

  
“Are you insane?” Thomas hesitated when he realized that he now had an audience but continued. “How many people have died? We’re talking a fifth of the population. If that doesn’t paint a picture for you, what will? This is our life now. We can’t win.”

  
The light and hopeful atmosphere had been sucked out of the room by Thomas’ proclamation, creating a sorrowful feeling of dread around us all. Or maybe that feeling had always been there, and we had just gotten used to ignoring it? Everyone could guess what Thomas was talking about, and he didn’t say anything we didn’t already know.

  
However, if there was one person in the whole world that wasn’t discouraged by helplessness, it was Eren. “Yeah? So what? We just take it all lying down?”

  
Sam and Thomas looked surprised by this response, and Thomas tried to speak, but Eren cut him off, “Things have changed since five years ago. Maybe not a hell of a lot, but enough. They’re not the same mystery they were. There’s still a long way to go, but we’ve made progress! Every battle we lose teaches us a new lesson and gave us the tiniest push toward something like hope. You’re telling me it’s better to cut our losses? Let all of that death and destruction be meaningless? Not on your life! Humanity’s future lies behind the walls, and I’m going to clear the way. I’m going to take back what was once ours. As long as one of us can say that, we’re not done.”

  
Towards the end of his speech, tears started to form at the edges of Eren’s eyes. Revenge and reclamation of his home was all Eren wanted, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to get weepy while talking about it. Before being able to see his peer’s reaction to his speech, Eren turned quickly and ducked out the door to avoid everyone seeing his tears fall.

  
Armin and Mikasa ran after him, and I followed too, but took the second to glance across the room to where Reiner was standing. I wanted to have a guess at what he thought of Eren’s speech, although I knew he was already aware of Eren’s stance on these things. I didn’t expect to see him and Bert looking guilty. I kept following Mikasa and Armin and made a note to ask him more about it later.

  
When I got outside, Eren, was sitting on the cobblestone steps on the street outside the barracks, and Armin and Mikasa were taking seats on either side of him, Mikasa sitting slightly above him, Armin slightly below him. I could see how his face was swollen around his eyes from the crying. I followed their lead, and sat down on the same step as Mikasa, with my legs in between Eren and Armin.

  
“That was, uh, quite a speech you gave us all back there,” Armin commented.

  
Eren leaned back slightly, resting his arms behind him, “Yeah, well, most of it was yours.”

  
Armin and nodded, silent for a moment, and then blurted out, “I want to join the Survey Corps, too!”

  
“What?!” I sat up straighter. “But, Armin, you said yourself you weren’t a fighter-“

  
“I know, but I’m through letting other people fight for me.”

  
I wanted to protest more, but Mikasa spoke up as well, “I guess I will be joining the Scouts, too.”

  
“No way,” Eren looked up at her in disbelief. “You’re the top of the class! You’d be wasting your shot!”

  
“Eren, understand this. Where you go, I go. I made a promise to your mother. I’m not letting you die,” Mikasa kept look down at her feet, but I could see the serious and determined look on her face. “Whether you like it or not, I’ve got your back. So just deal with it.”

  
“Yeah. Well, Mom’s not here,” Eren muttered, leaning his hand against his hand.

  
“A lot of people I used to care about are not here.”

  
Eren sat up straighter at Mikasa’s words, and Armin and I glanced to the side at her. We didn’t say anything, but Eren knew to accept that.  
“So, the four of us are doing this together then?” It was more of a statement than a question, but I felt the need to ask it anyway. “Just like three years ago?”

  
All three of them looked over at me with raised eyebrows, which was not the response I was expecting, “What?”

  
“Aren’t you joining the military police with Reiner?” asked Armin.

  
Eren nodded, “That’s where he said he was planning to go, him and Bertholdt. I thought since you made the top ten, you’d join the military police with them.”

  
“He and I… talked about it,” I admitted. “But we never really decided anything. My aim when we first joined the training corps was to join the survey corps. I did think about joining the military police with him, but I think your speech reminded me of why I wanted to join the survey corps, Eren.”

  
Armin smiled up at me, and Mikasa and Eren nodded. Eren then leaned back to look up at the stars above Wall Rose, and the rest of us looked up too. It reminded me of when we were children and would look out at the night sky over Wall Maria, dreaming of what mysteries the stars could see beyond the wall that we couldn’t.

 

The next day, the graduated members of the 104th Southern Cadet’s Corp were assigned duties around the Trost district, mostly work that was normally the Garrison’s job. It was mostly busy work for us until we choose what branch we wanted to join. I was assigned to a group on the eastern side of the wall, with Reiner, Bertholdt and a handful of others I wasn’t particularly close to. The only problem was it was ten minutes after our shift had started and Bertholdt still hadn’t shown up.

  
“Are you sure you didn’t see where he went?” I asked Reiner again, who was working on cleaning and reloading the canons with me. It was a rare occurrence that Bertholdt or Reiner didn’t know where the other was, and Reiner’s lack of concern was also odd.

  
Reiner grunted while he worked, “I’ve already told you, Alex, I haven’t seen him since you last saw him, when he left breakfast early.”  
After a moment of silence between us, he sighed and continued, “Really, Alex, you shouldn’t worry about everyone so much. It’s not good for your health. If Bertholdt gets in trouble with the superiors then that’s his problem, not yours. He more than likely went back to the barracks and accidently fell back asleep.”

  
I nodded, knowing Reiner was probably right. It was more likely that Bertholdt was napping than hurt somewhere. But it was so unlike Bertholdt to be late or ignore his duties that I had trouble keeping myself from imagining the worst. So I forced myself to think of something else by changing the subject.

  
“You heard Eren’s little speech last night, right?”

  
“Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I never saw you again after you went out the door with them.”

  
“Oh, sorry. But I think Eren convinced me. What he said was exactly why I wanted to join the-“

  
My sentence was interrupted and forgotten thanks to a large booming sound toward the southern tip of the Trost district. My back was to the direction of the sound, but I froze in fear anyway. I had only heard that sound once before, but I’d had enough nightmares about it to remember and recognize it. After what felt like a lifetime but couldn’t have been more than a second or two, I willed myself to turn around and confirm the source of the explosion. Standing on the other side of Wall Rose was the Colossal Titan, eye to eye with the cadets that were stationed at the southernmost part of the wall.

  
I heard one of the boys behind me start to yell, and all I could do was breathe out, “Maria, please, not again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’ll be honest, I have no excuse for taking so long to update besides my lack of productivity this summer. Hopefully, I’ll be better this semester. If you still follow this story, I appreciate your patience!


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